When we have had experiences of parents not caring, we need to realize that their not loving us is nothing to do with us- it is more to do with their limitations. Also knowing these limitations of theirs come from their childhood – they didn’t get much love either or may have been too pampered and over loved – some imbalance. The next thing we need to do is to develop our own inner nurturer – our feeling of love and caring for ourselves and guiding ourselves through our ups and downs like a best friend would do. Every time you feel down close your eyes and imagine yourself as a best friend talking to yourself and sense and feel this care, guidance and love. When we feel unloved we feel lonely as we also close ourselves from others or seek love in a clingy way and so get more unsupported. Before long creating your inner best friend will make you confident and open to other sources of love from others.

When we have just lost a job we are in a state of shock and distress and feelings of failure. First it is important to get self esteem back that job loss happens to all especially when there is a recession. Think through your current resources and realize that you may not be in as bad a place as you feel when you first get the news of losing the job. Making plans with existing resources and knowing that cost cutting for some time will be necessary to give you more time to search for a job. Planning where and how you will cut these costs would be helpful. Then identify the kind of skills and talents you have and broaden the work you can apply for. Improve the resume and keep yourself motivated in the search for a job and also generate some self employment ideas. Go for less than perfect ideas too. Consider whether to work in Dubai or elsewhere. Check what others are doing to cope with job loss around you. Stop thinking of yourself as failing or withdrawing and open up and talk to people for their help and suggestions. Think more flexibly. Mostly people get stuck at this phase only of being too rigid in their expected job choice or not sustaining the efforts to find a job even when one receives rejections. It is important to keep up the job search and not get disheartened as it is part of the process to get a couple of ‘no’ before one gets the ‘yes’.

Since I am not a transactional analyst I cannot answer this in strict format of the theory. However when our adult has unresolved issues of the inner child that is wounded from abuse or neglect or any trauma, we can do what is know as inner child work that heals the child part and integrates that unresolved stuck part into the rest of our personality. Our parent part can be our parent scripts that work like borrowed standards often in a rigid guilt inducing fashion. Once again connecting to our choices and softening this inner parent voice in a way that gives us our choices can be helpful. Both parent and child feelings and voices can be healed and integrated into our adult personality with regression work, understanding triggers and soothing ourselves through understanding and our choices.

Use writing as way to help you sort out your thoughts and the price-gain combination of each choice. Look at risks and what could be possible worst consequence of a choice and have strategies that you would make the risk manageable to you. Do this in a good enough manner as it is not possible to create all guarantees. Mostly we can trust that we will be able to find some help and some good enough solution to whatever happens. Have a readiness to face failure knowing it is transient not a finality and that failure eases as we begin working with any failure situation. We can see how we have done this in our past and we can read about this in all the stories of successful people – how they lived through failure times. That can comfort us. Indecision is because of fear of making a wrong choice. Think ‘be… aware’ instead of ‘beware!’ Trust that our intentions activate higher powers within us and around us and take care of us. Begin setting intentions that “I am making the right decision for my life” and picture success at bedtime and when you wake up. This takes only 2 to 5 mins of your time. Always trust that what life brings you in terms of a struggle or failure after you worked at your decision is meant to awaken you to something and you will discover that. For interview questions too use the same method of setting intentions “ I am answering the interview questions peacefully”. Also make yourself calm by knowing that with interview questions you can admit when you are not certain of an answer, you can ask a clarification about the question before answering and you can say that “You would need to think about that” for any answer that you need time for. Preparing helps when you check out typical questions asked and have gone through jotting down the answers and knowing yourself. Also handle the job situation step at a time. First worry only to find get an interview call and send your resume. Then after getting a call worry for the interview. Postpone worry for the time when it happens.

Yes when children are not co-operating it can be very difficult for parents. When your son is being oppositional and seems cross it is necessary that he may need more understanding – e.g. asking him “You seem troubled, what is upsetting you? Can I help in any way? How can we help each other? How can we understand this together? What behaviour of mine do you want me to change? Could you help me by doing…” Its important to stop quick advice or admonitions or even urging him to go to a doctor . Stop saying “You need to behave. What is wrong with you?” Give all your advice as a choice. You may benefit to go to a psychotherapist yourself without involving him. When you feel supported and the therapist gives you some tools for dealing with him you find yourself calmer with him and that can help Typically when our child is oppositional you may sometimes be reactive yourself - too angry and aggressive or too pampering or too disappointed. All this aggravates his behavior. Even though there are issues to address it can help to first focus on building the relationship by doing pleasant things together, talking about neutral topics – sports, music and sharing about happenings with other friends and family. You may need to approach him not with your expectations but with a willingness to hear about his life, opinions, aspirations and feelings. Involve him in neutral small decisions. E.g “What colour curtains should we have here?” “Where should we go to eat out today?”