Ameeta Sanghavi Shah
Ameeta is certified in Family Therapy from Washington University at St Louis, U.S.A and has a double Master in Social Work from Mumbai University and Washington University, St Louis. She has an NLP Master Practitioner’s and Trainer’s Certification from National Federation of Neuro Linguistic Programming, U.S.A. & has done certificate courses in NLP from U.K. She is trained in clinical hypnotherapy, regression therapy, somatic experiencing and in EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique).
Ameeta has been practicing as a psychotherapist and trainer using the family therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, rational emotive therapy, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), meditation, creative visualization and hypnotherapy. She has written a weekly column for Pune Times for over 2 years and was on the Zee TV show Sangini.
She has conducted workshops for organizations on Self Development and Positive Living – adopting a proactive attitude to life and work, Strengthening Motivation, Communication and Interpersonal Skills - Assertiveness, Conflict Management, Managing Relationship Stress, Empowered Parenting, Reducing Co-dependency in relationships, Stress management and Relaxation Techniques.
She shall answer your questions on dealing with the emotional problems of life.
Ask Ameeta Sanghavi Shah
Question 101. How can I be free from anxiety about future?also the worries about my children? I am mother of 2 girls,15 and 7. I wish them to be independent and successful. - Soni B On 28 February 2010
Pay attention not so much to lecture, preach or moralize to them; instead be a role model of the values yourself. If you tell them to read more do you do this yourself? Share some basic expectations clearly but also remind that you can be supportive of any difficulties they have. To ensure they open up about difficulties and do not get scared to admit, do not use punishments or threats. Instead discuss possible ideas to manage the distractions, curiosities, temptations or ways that could prevent the misbehaviour.
Involve them in the pros and cons for decisions for them. Whilst you may have some requirements for day to day routines, be open to their logic for their life decisions such as career choices. If such strong conflict moments happen between you and your child consult a psychotherapist too. Today’s world is very different and children want to feel you listened to their opinion and you are planning with them whilst you keep your authority on important health and discipline matters. So you may say homework has to be done daily but may be open to them doing it at 4 pm or 6 pm as suits what they want to do too. You may bring out challenges you see, what you prefer and then let them decide, and let them know you expect proper commitment for what they decide. If they fail their commitment do not use punishment or threat, remind them firmly that they did not keep their bargain - this is unfair and they need to plan with you what they will follow through with.
Don’t forget to have the good times and chats along with warmth and affection times with your children too. Plan fun activities together where you can joke and laugh with them. This goodwill makes children feel you care about them and be more open to you. this way they would grow up with a calm atmosphere, good bonding with you and with this security they would be more independent and successful.
Question 102. If a person goes into past life regresssion and his spiritual guide says tht you cannot go into your past what does it mean..........and in the spirit world they tell you tht you are wearing a white robe and you have a halo ard your head you were an angel and you are heare for a purpose.........so you cannot have past lives....how far can one believe this can this be true or its jus an imaginery story or i dont even know what to say i m too comfused after the plr i had gone for it as i have scoliosisi problem. - Sukhbir On 29 December 2009
With PLRT you benefit sometimes not so much from knowing the exact past life as you benefit more from accessing a higher consciousness and the awareness it brings of a broader sense of existence and accordingly more understanding about your choices in this lifetime. Eventually Past life therapy is to enable you to lead a fuller present life. Too much of puzzling to know the exact PL can take you away from present day living needs. Instead focus on the bits of information and some clarity or clues from the PLRT and you may need to match them with your present possibilities and return the focus to your present life accordingly.
Sometimes we could be picking up information that is not authentic to our consciousness and there may be some interferences. Spiritual guides may not be guides and may be interfering consciousnesses distracting you from your search.
Also though most of us have past lives and it can be that this is your first earth life too. Documented from case studies of many PL regressions it is found that souls’ origins are diverse as Dr Hans Ten Dam & Dr Bruce Goldberg renowned experts in the field tell us – souls could be from other planets, from light planes and structures, from nature spirits and air spirits, from mammals or from generalized soul matter that form into individual souls who then gain individual consciousnesses and physical bodies through incarnation. The first time of incarnation for every soul can be associated with the memory of the primal trauma or the trauma of shifting form a different type if existence into a human existence that has to deal with emotions, the limitations of the physical body and its health and the balance of power with others.
Angels and masters have moved into higher planes of existence and there are recounted 7 to 12 dimensions or planes, the lower ones are of human existence, and others are known only to those in the spiritual world. At the higher levels are the souls who have evolved and begin work as angels and then eventually as Masters. In any case more important than what a guide tells you, it is ultimately you who have to make up your mind and make your choices with the situation you are in. Healing for physical health issues can happen with choices of peaceful acceptance and your own participation in your healing by directing your energies with your focused intention and the needed disciplines you follow with your doctor’s advice.
It would be useful for you to explore couple of PL sessions to understand better what you experienced and whether some of it is interference and blocks or you are receiving a message. Our day to day living also gives us messages from our own inner voice and from the co-incidences and events that happen in our lives and what they direct us to see and experience or do to heal and empower ourselves.
Question 103. hello Ameeta
I m a graduate and worked for 4 years now, im 29 yrs old and im very much confused about my life and carrer and personal life, every thing is messed up, i think i suffer from sever depression aswel. please help - Sneha On 26 March 2010
Firstly take heart, all successful people have periods of confusion that they have gone through. You have just graduated since 4 years so this is early in the phase of setting up one’s work and personal life. Sometimes it is trial and error that tells us what we prefer and we don’t like.
The decisions we take do not always work out and we may either need to change our decision or put more commitment into it to make it work. One may need to consult experts to know how to get out of the problems we are in. Many times we are not taking the help we need to take because we feel we cannot admit failure to those people. Yet everyone goes through making decisions that don’t work out as one did not consider one or other factor. Many times it is not even that one has failed it is that one has had to face a change in the situation. We are not ready to adjust to the situation, blaming ourselves or others and getting into wrong ways of negativity and retaliation. Instead one needs to update one’s understanding to the change, recognize it and let go or adjust. All this means we have to first calm down and think of issues step by step.
Observing oneself can enable one to recognize the pattern of self defeating sequences of behaviours or the combination of behaviours of ours that happens. We generalize that ‘everything is messed up’ instead we may need to notice what is ok in our life and what part is messed up. More importantly you can guide yourself with what is possible to make it better a step at a time. We cannot deal with a whole situation all at one go.
So a problem solving approach can help. Seperate all areas of your life and first define exactly what you find difficult in that area. Then separate what can be changed and what cannot be. Work at accepting what cannot be changed. Think of alternatives for what can be changed. If the alternatives do not appeal to you then you may prefer to tolerate the situation as it is better than alternatives. There is no point staying in a situation and everyday feeling helpless about it. If there is no better alternative, one has to accept with peace. Whilst continuing with a situation you can identify things you can do to make it less stressful and ways in which you can improve it.
The mess you are experiencing is generally not because of any incapability, it is your response to the challenges and problems that come up. You may not respond to the moment with a ‘stop think act’ manner and with a flexibility to do what is more workable. Instead you may procrastinate or take impulsive decisions from your ego rather than from what would be practical, you get put off, slack off and your efforts become inconsistent. This leads to a larger mess.
Generally two things can help to keep up the momentum of efforts and stay motivated and thereby gain our success – to stop oneself from concluding that one is not good, or one is unlucky and instead maintain the attitude that the problem is a part of life, it is only giving me more information towards self development and success and to ask oneself “What do I want happening here now and what is possible towards that?” It can be useful to learn therapeutic tools to de-stress at such times and heal oneself of the loss one feels when things don’t go well.
You can benefit from counselling to support you in sorting out the issues you are feeling and thus handle them one at a time. This would automatically lift your depression that is a result of the ‘mess’ you are feeling.
Question 104. I am going through emotional turmoil whereby I am not able to control myself due to relationship issues. Please guide me through this. Thanks - Mukesh On 17 March 2010
Relationship issues are generally about getting to agree to see things or do things mutually. Differences are bound to arise. When they do we feel hurt that the other will not do for us what we need. Managing these conflicts in better ways is important and not seeing the conflict as a failure in the relationship or in the other person but something natural. Problem solving together how to look after each other even with the differences in thinking can help.
Sometimes though keeping a larger perspective and therefore having some tolerance areas is essential so you don’t need to desperately change the other person. Sooner or later the people we meet or relate to are bound to disappoint us or let us down. We need to accept differences, be a little generous too to keep the relationship and also know when to end a relationship peacefully without bitterness when the difference is too big to handle.
Additionally being motivational to the other person is necessary even when one is angry with them so one gets them to change rather than shuts them down with the feedback. This way you will feel more peaceful and more in control of your emotions.
Also when emotional control is not there it means past hurts are still unresolved and coming up in current issues. You may have had difficult relationships with your parents or others in your childhood. Inner child healing and resolving these hurts with therapy can help.
Question 105. How to clear one`s all mental pressure and change thinking capability like i always have negative thoughts coming in my mind?how can i get rid of that?then i wear so many stones,amulets?why can`t i be normal?i want to remove all what i wear but if i remove that somethings go wrong with me?so how can i get my self confidence back or i will be as it is for whole life?please help me - Atulya On 10 March 2010
You seem to have got into a trap of obsessive thinking. Relaxation training, breath training, movement and breath exercises such as tai chi and yoga, and energy balancing practices on a regular basis can be useful. The fear of uncertainty and being able to perform are exaggerated because we create too rigid expectations on ourselves and others. Then we naturally fear how we could get that to happen in our lives. In these areas we feel so out of control that we try to get control through some rituals or superstitious beliefs. Your obsessional behaviour may be because you have gone through some very stressful moments in your life of feeling overwhelmed or intensely helpless due to a complex situation. Through counselling, hypnosis and therapy you can heal this and relieve yourself and others of blame, accept that people have limitations and so do you and take learnings to take forward in your life from that situation.