Ameeta Sanghavi Shah
Ameeta is certified in Family Therapy from Washington University at St Louis, U.S.A and has a double Master in Social Work from Mumbai University and Washington University, St Louis. She has an NLP Master Practitioner’s and Trainer’s Certification from National Federation of Neuro Linguistic Programming, U.S.A. & has done certificate courses in NLP from U.K. She is trained in clinical hypnotherapy, regression therapy, somatic experiencing and in EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique).
Ameeta has been practicing as a psychotherapist and trainer using the family therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, rational emotive therapy, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), meditation, creative visualization and hypnotherapy. She has written a weekly column for Pune Times for over 2 years and was on the Zee TV show Sangini.
She has conducted workshops for organizations on Self Development and Positive Living – adopting a proactive attitude to life and work, Strengthening Motivation, Communication and Interpersonal Skills - Assertiveness, Conflict Management, Managing Relationship Stress, Empowered Parenting, Reducing Co-dependency in relationships, Stress management and Relaxation Techniques.
She shall answer your questions on dealing with the emotional problems of life.
Ask Ameeta Sanghavi Shah
Question 121. Hi Ameeta, Hope you are doing good. Can you plz guide me how I can build my confidence and can get in touch with god? - Nitin Gupta On 26 August 2010
Meditation is the way to connect to our subconscious mind and our super-conscious mind. This is connecting to our energy level and this is the soul. The soul is a spark from the total consciousness or spirit that we also call God, Buddha, Jesus and so on. Many pathways help us to connect to our energy levels – various forms of meditation – dynamic, passive, focusing on breathing or on mantra, focusing on a yantra. It is a stilling of the senses that helps us to connect to the invisible world within and around that exists beyond the senses.
Connecting with God and with soul itself changes our narrow perceptions of existence and this broadening of our understanding improves our confidence. Other ways confidence can increase is when we are effective in our tasks and relationships. Discipline is a key component as is understanding your limitations and taking on only what is possible. This helps us to be challenged and successful at the same time and leads to confidence. Build your talents, disciplines, relationships and work with your limitations by accepting them and managing them. Generate your own sense of purpose by beginning to do everything more purposefully even one’s small actions. Resolve inner conflicts whether small or big by aligning your actions to your goals and values and to a balance between yourself and others. This means we handle situations without feeling disheartenened or taken advantage of.
Confidence is also about appreciating yourself, your values, your talents and your reality – both the good and the bad. Karma and dharma are the two pathways to understand our life and our predicaments and flow with them more positively. Many philosophies and therapies offer insights and tools to explore and understand oneself and these can be useful to you.
Question 122. Dear mam,
I think that I am capable enough to crack any examination, still somewhere I lack in my approach and I failed in getting my target just by few marks!!
I need some tips so that I can make my mind stable!! - Kuldeep Singhal On 25 August 2010
You missed your target only by a few marks! That means you have actually done quite well! Do appreciate yourself. Today’s high competition levels make us more punitive about missing out due to a few marks. We need to be more supportive of ourselves in such a system and be able to flow with our results that are majorly due to our approach and our work and partly due to ‘luck’ factors.
To make your mind stable for exams you need to set your target and thereafter focus more on the process than on the target/ result. We need to reward our efforts more than our results in a sense. Results are not always in our hands. Factors outside our control can crop up. We need to feel appreciative towards ourselves for our efforts. Additionally every time with a lesser result we may focus on gaining some new learning in ‘what we can do differently next time to better the result’ rather than judging yourself.
You can also keep your mind stable by having back up plans. If you get the best result you will do ‘A’, if you do less well you will do ‘B’ and so on. ‘B’ may even be reappearing for the exam the next year. All plans could feel equally attractive and be different routes to achieving your potentials. If we make any of these plans feel like a big disappointment then we are afraid of missing our plan ‘A’ and become unstable. Thus having identified your equally attractive plans of plan ‘A’, plan ‘B’, plan ‘C’ and so on helps you to feel empowered and calm as no matter what happens you can get soem success. Simultaneously your focus on your process on your way of studying and hours of study will almost ensure your achieving your targets. Many people do not get their targets as they get distracted and stressed worrying about managing the target. So this worry has to be moved out of the way to be able to fully focus and study well and also remain calm.
Stabilizing the mind at study times and exam times also comes from balancing how much to study and the rest needs you need to fulfil. It can be created by doing meditations with affirmations that are gentle “I can..’ and ‘I am doing well...’ and not worded in pressure language as ‘I must do well...’ and ‘I should’. Focussing on breathing, taking short naps or breaks in between studies and doing some physical stretches or exercises in between all help to soothe the nervous system and keep the mind from becoming overloaded with information. Eating and sleeping consistently and well regulate mind and body and keep them healthy for studies.
Question 123. I have one more thing to ask you madam. This is not question but a suggestion. I also want to become a Psychologist. I wanted to take up Psychology in my UG but my mom did not allow me because she wants to see me as a professor. so I am doing B.A English in St.Xaviers autonomous college Palayamkottai. But I also do B.Sc Psychology in distance education. I am also interested to counsel people. so please give me some suggestions that how can I approach my studies.
- Lourdhu Selvin On 17 August 2010
You are on the right track by balancing the wishes of your mother and yourself and pursuing a dual degree. Slowly convince her that you can pursue psychology and you could be a professor as she wants for the subject of psychology. You could go for a master’s degree in counselling psychology that is now offered by many universities. Additionally many institutes offer shorter certificate courses in counselling skills that can also be a way to become a counsellor. A master’s degree in social work too trains you in working with change foe people and you will learn many of these counselling skills in the course. There are many types of therapies that counsellors use such as cognitive therapy, transactional analysis, EFT, NLP, family therapy and so on. You can choose any of these to train in by going the special training programs or centres for such therapies.
Question 124. This my first attempt to speak with people like you.
My question is "How can I be friendly with every one?" Because I always feel that I hurt others very easily. I also don`t have very close friends. Though I speak with every one I am not so close to them. Please give me your suggestions madam. - Lourdhu Selvin On 17 August 2010
There are many self help books on this topic and one of the most famous ones is “How to win friends and influence people” written by Dale Carnegie. It is very explicit with may tools and tips that will aid you immensely.
One of the main reasons a person who is good hearted could hurt others is because they believe they must be totally honest. Whilst honesty is a virtue thinking this way can make us speak out too impulsively and too soon.
Instead if we have choices in what to say or not say then we would stop to think what to say, how much to say, how to say and when to say. Our focus will change from “I speaking because I am right and because I want to speak the truth” to “I am speaking in a way that the other can hear what I am saying.” This way we soften our messages and share only what the other can respond positively to and so we slowly get the other to co-operate.
Question 125. How Life should be always Happy means Full of Happiness? - Ashok Dev On 12 August 2010
Life is full of happiness when we know that life is perfect because it is not perfect as we are not perfect. People make mistakes and can be unfair. Life events can feel unfair. Each are acting on their own trajectory of the influences and cause effect happening towards them. Happiness in these circumstances is not being stupidly happy. It means being able to have the space to feel according to the situation. Sad moments make us sad as happy moments make us happy. It is how we respond to the negative moments, that offers us the potential to bounce back and feel happy once again. It is said that “Things happen to you, but do not forget that you happen back to those things and therein lies your freedom and happiness in how you happen back.”
Happiness is both about the hedonistic pleasures of indulging the senses and also about having fulfilled our potentials and purpose. The latter is more long lasting and deeper, building our capacities and contributing to others and the world. It is about enriching environments and surroundings instead of just being in an enriched environment.