You would need to consult a gynecologist or your medical practitioner to find out about this first. Once you rule out any hormonal disturbance you can take the help of a good fitness expert to guide you on the right exercise for this. Once you know what this is due to from a medical expert you can take the help of a psychologist to cope with the embarrassment and rebuilding of confidence you have lost due to the problem.

Many of our life experiences are not meant to punish us so this is not because you have harmed anyone intentionally that this happens. Our life experiences are to help us develop our emotional muscle. You don’t develop physical muscles without lifting weights. So too you do not develop emotional strengths and sensitivities with out facing the challenges. You are at a place of loss – grief and loss are experienced by all humans in many ways and you are not singled out. It is an essential learning to let go and keep faith in ourselves and the world and not generalize one person’s inconsistency or weakness to think all are like this or that we are failing. Grief means you would feel shock, anger, betrayal, loneliness, fear, loss of purpose, sadness and eventually we create mental bargains with the world and with God and finally we come to acceptance. Acceptance is a neutral place of neither happiness nor sadness and it is time when we accept the loss and the losing of dreams and whole story that went with the loss. We begin to create new maps and purpose for ourself. We remove any negative residues of the loss in our thoughts feelings or energies such as “Now I will not find anyone else, or that I am unlucky etc.” You can also sometimes check if this loss is something you did get signals for and missed taking note of. It can teach you that love that is at too great a cost to one’s sense of self is probably not worth it. Maybe we need to be aware and either set some limits or make the tough choice early on. Constantly pleasing another sometimes does not win love, it makes the other take you for granted. It is important to balance how much you would adjust and please the other and where you may not. Regard the experience of changing for him as having given you different exposure and experience in life. Loss is a time to begin to care for oneself and let go of the need for proof of our value only from being loved by another. It is a time we learn to value ourselves fro simply being and for our own talents.

At such trying times it helps to feel ‘oneness’ in one’s frustration – that one is not singled out with this bad luck. Whilst you are feeling your frustration you could actually think of all who are in a similar predicament as you and feel and send out empathy and your payers that may things work for them with their efforts. Next think as an HR person if someone came to you with this issue what would you be saying to them – in fact have an imaginary dialogue in this manner. Because in the role of adviser and well wisher to someone else we are more objective, creative and less harsh and getting that perspective for ourselves can be helpful. Ask yourself what would you need to focus on in this situation for you to experience it as a challenge and for you to gain some opportunity from? Maybe you can introduce some HR type sessions that are brief for the technical guys. Often at such down times everyone is carrying stress and insecurity and may welcome tips and tools for handling stress – relaxation techniques, positive thinking etc. On the other hand are there any technical skills you could upgrade with their help. Check if you company has other roles that you can take up whist at this designation. Companies are often into corporate social responsibility and would welcome staff taking initiatives in adding to the projects.

As we grow up yes we may hold views that are different from the authority we grew up with. The leverage to make our own choices begins with the rebellious attitudes that though parents frown on and long for obedience from their child – they could actually be happy that their child rebels and is forming his/her own viewpoints. This independence in thinking is actually something they can be thankful for and then enable the child to tone down the extreme views. There is no one right answer for many issues in a modern world that lets you have your own choices. The important matter is that one needs to conform to an extent to the social group one belongs to or be ready to face the consequences of not being accepted. If you are part of a social group where it is acceptable then it is your own individual views that you can follow. Ultimately all choices we make we are free to make and no one has any business to interfere. It is we who have to live with the consequences of our actions. So when we make them responsibly, that means we can handle the possible consequences that can occur from that action we take we are happier. Consequences are in terms of our own feelings post something and how it affects our health and safety. More than a moral issue it is a responsibility issue, Generally it is safer to get into physical relationships with people you know who would not misuse the happenings in any way, whom you trust and in today’s world it would be safer health wise too to know your partner for the night.

To stop smoking and drinking you can use techniques that impact you at subconscious mind levels like Neuro Linguistic Psychology, Hypnotherapy etc. If your smoking and drinking started after some traumatic event in your life using regression therapy to heal that experience within yourself can help. On the hand if you started these more as being part of a peer group for identity or for relaxation or to escape boredom of daily routine work you may could focus on creating other positive sources of purpose and identity. Focus on getting a bigger ‘yes’ for something else that can mean an automatic ‘no’ to this habit. Associating smoking and drinking not with being cool but with bad health and associating stopping these with not the deprivation feeling rather with a feeling of gain, of gaining good health, of gaining control and pride in self – this can help. To reverse these associations use images of smoking and being struck with oral concer and when not smoking use imagery of laughing enjoying being applauded be friends and family.