Ameeta Sanghavi Shah
Ameeta is certified in Family Therapy from Washington University at St Louis, U.S.A and has a double Master in Social Work from Mumbai University and Washington University, St Louis. She has an NLP Master Practitioner’s and Trainer’s Certification from National Federation of Neuro Linguistic Programming, U.S.A. & has done certificate courses in NLP from U.K. She is trained in clinical hypnotherapy, regression therapy, somatic experiencing and in EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique).
Ameeta has been practicing as a psychotherapist and trainer using the family therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, rational emotive therapy, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), meditation, creative visualization and hypnotherapy. She has written a weekly column for Pune Times for over 2 years and was on the Zee TV show Sangini.
She has conducted workshops for organizations on Self Development and Positive Living – adopting a proactive attitude to life and work, Strengthening Motivation, Communication and Interpersonal Skills - Assertiveness, Conflict Management, Managing Relationship Stress, Empowered Parenting, Reducing Co-dependency in relationships, Stress management and Relaxation Techniques.
She shall answer your questions on dealing with the emotional problems of life.
Ask Ameeta Sanghavi Shah
Question 151. Dear Ameeta S Shah,
My female friend(39 Years) has a issue with her husband from last so many years and right now both have been living in the same roof but no physical and emotional they have.
They have two male childs and she is a educated housewife.
Her husband never respect and care her.
Madam please suggest what she can do so that she can live happily with her kids.
Can she live in same roof without his interference because she do not want to divorce her. - Dipesh Kumar On 5 December 2011
Your friend has a caring person in you. This itself is an important support for her to live happily. One cannot decide for her though sometimes staying emotionally detached and keeping a positive focus for oneself can help one to manage the interference. To be able to
live happily under the same roof she needs to decide and plan how to handle three areas – the relationship, herself and her children.
For the relationship she will need to accept where she has no power or authority and stop creating arguments or losing energy for those expectations. Acceptance is the main thing of accepting what is not there and not going to be there. Since she plans to continue
the relationship she may choose to keep up basic communications so work that needs to happen happens smoothly. She can give the relationship opportunity to heal by keeping some goodwill communication or actions that are with less effort such as complimenting or doing a small favour or regular greetings.
When something is not there in our lives we get into false assumptions that we are unlucky
or in some way deficient. She can rid herself of these false assumptions and realize the
respect and care not being there are limitations of her husband’s. He may be too critical or
expecting too much and not empathic enough. These could be his issues. She can instead
determine to feel good about herself from her own viewpoint and that of other caring
people. She could make a list of all ways that she is disturbed by her husband’s behaviour
– mentally, emotionally, physically. She would need to think creatively of what possibilities
exist to handle these disturbances in a way that she is less affected, such as think different
thoughts internally, hire help, go for a walk at certain times to avoid confrontations,
etc. Taking therapy can help her feel supported and in control of her emotional choices.
She could also list her own individual interests and talents and create some avenues of
With her children she may need to learn positive parenting methods and give them some
perspective on the conflict. You could discuss the concept of safety and if you are the safer
non violent and less judgmental parent you can help them identify ways to meet their needs
with you one on one and co-operating with you.
Question 152. Hello Ma`am
I would like to ask when I am confused in life, especially regarding interpersonal relationships, what should I do, Because we really can`t say whats right what`s wrong? I respect my family and its traditions a lot, but also the love I am getting from someone, but I am struck between choices, one that of family traditions, one of someone`s love and the third of someone`s love and commitment. Please advise me what is good for me? - Harvinder Kuar On 29 November 2011
This is very true that there are no specific rights and wrongs. There is no way out of having
to take on risk as there are no guarantees. Any decision is a risk. The only guarantee is of our
own of resolving to peacefully handle whatever comes up and thereby we are likely to be
Before we make a decision we need to have the information from our own thinking or
from the outside world too. We need to figure out the consequences of our choices what
they could be and to what extent they will be. We need to know what resources we have
from friends, extended family, financially and legally to know whether we can deal with
the consequences. Anything can be good for you as long as you are ready to manage the
consequences of your choices else you would need to exercise discipline and not take on
that choice. In the modern world, families do need to be open to the choices of their child
and change the criteria from one of religion for the marital partner to one of seeing if the
person their child has chosen is a mature, responsible and caring person.
If you choose the person who loves you, you have to guess your family’s reaction. They may
cut off communications or actually tell you to leave home. Some families may threaten
harm too. You have to think of ideas and resources you could use to handle such a situation.
On the other hand if facing so much opposition is something you do not have the resources
to take on either because the opposition of your family will be too strong or you do not
have the economic resources to do this or emotionally you do not want to do this you would
need to stay with tradition.
Negotiation and persuasion and allaying the fears of the family that you will continue
to care for them can sometimes work. Often after a period of cut off, a family will come
around to accepting your choices. Is there anyone in the extended family who you trust and
who would support you? That can enable a family to go beyond the tradition to be open
Commitment is something that has to be mutually nurtured – it is not automatic from one
person. Commitment of the other strengthens as one shows tolerance, understanding and
communicates needs and demands in peaceful respect based ways. One needs to have fun
based activities in the relationship to support it too. If necessary, counselling can help in
creating more harmony between the two people.
Question 153. Dear Madam, very very good day to you. I want to know if there are any side effects of self hypnosys because some time i felt panic attacks, hypertentions, sucideable nature etc. Hope you understand my problems. Please tell me how to remove side effects of self hypnosys. - Prince Batra On 29 November 2011
Did these panic attacks and hypertensions happen to you after doing self hypnosis? It
would be preferable to go to a therapist to release such thoughts and feelings and bring
back balance. Self hypnosis and meditation need to be done for limited time periods maybe
just half hour. Along with this our focus on our practical tasks is important – our nutrition,
physical exercise, daily chores and work.
You may have used self hypnosis for high expectations from yourself and in your life. This
can be disturbing. It is better to use self hypnosis for small believable goals and use it for
step by step progress.
For some time you may stop the self hypnosis and focus on physical methods of calmness
and health, such as exercise and yoga and small daily practices and goals. When you regain
balance you can return to self hypnosis
Question 154. After the death of my father, my mother who stayed with my brother died within two months. Reports from neighbours suggest that my brother tortured her (physically), which caused death to her as she was diebetic. I stay in mumbai as i work here and they stay in Kolkata. after her death i feel responsible for what happened. mY mother never told me directly but she dropped some hints that my brother will be physically abusing her after i leave for mumbai after my father`s death. This brings a terrible feeling of guilt inside me. I know i cannot do anything now but the guilt filled mind kind of posses me sometimes and i am unable to concentrate in my life. How can i come out of this. now that my mother is dead what can i do? - Mehak Shah On 14 November 2011
In the spirit realms your mother can still hear you. You may sit in stillness, at the time of
prayer and be in your ‘center’ – calm and balanced. Invite her into your space mentally.
Feel her presence; let her know your guilt and your genuine repentance for this. Let her
know you loved her and somehow never thought the threat was so bad from your brother.
Then you may let her know to leave and return to the spirit realms and let her know you are
peaceful so she can be peaceful too. You may also symbolically do some charitable work for
the old and vulnerable. So though you cannot make up for your mother you can surely make
a difference for others. Learning our lessons is the pathway by which we may release our
emotional disturbances. You can consciously let go your guilt with this learning and actions.
Your messages from the heart will reach her.
Question 155. Dear Amita Madam, Me very thankful for your advice for my earlier question about my female friend problem. Mam I cam to know recently other issue of that friend. Actually she has no physical relation with her husband and she made physical relation with stranger ppl through friend finder site. Her sex drive is too high and she never feel guilty for extra martial relation with stranger. I do not think what she has been doing is a right way and this not a normal for house wife of aged 39 years. Please advice. - Dipesh Kumar On 28 December 2011
Your friend has got into an addictive pattern of seeking emotional comfort and excitement in life by
seeking new partners. Addictions of any sort are like a compulsion to escape feelings of emptiness,
boredom, meaninglessness where the person feels no possibility to have their life be better. Instead
of dealing with the challenge of their life situation which would require work, discipline and focus,
they escape it with either a substance, an activity like sex, or too much T.V. viewing.
Eventually what is occasional or done ‘just this one time’ becomes an easy way to escape the hurt,
disappointment and pain. The person ends up wanting more of it, becoming helpless in managing
their temptations and thereby becoming irresponsible. However rather than face their true
responsibility to find better ways out of their problem they stay in the comfort of this easy solution
and to justify this they may need to feel their problems are too big and they are too unfortunate
so they cannot help what they do. A whole belief system of this sort sets in, which is definitely not
ethical or functional and will in some way damage the person or the others around them, especially
if there are children.
Such a person may not seek therapy or healing because they are in one sense in a comfort zone. First
the person has to see their behaviour as being wrong in some way. Often a person in such situations
will justify what they do in different ways such as ‘sex is not a sin’ or ‘with my husband being so
difficult I need this emotional comfort’. Also now that there will be men who relate to her in this
way the temptations exist and present themselves even when they decide to stop. Then the person
succumbs with the thought that I’ll do this ‘just this one time’. In such cases there is not much we
can do and eventually one may need to detach from such a person and their thought processes.
Admitting they are addicted and this action is in some way destructive is the second step. Getting
back the control over their choices and away from the unethical or destructive behaviour to positive
outlets can then happen through a combination of self discipline, therapy or healing.