You sound like you have started feeling low sometimes due to the pressure of studies and how to manage success. You mention you are a scholar student and that is something you show confidence in – your abilities for study and your intelligence. You have identified not wanting to talk to others due to low confidence. At such times connect with a hobby, keep up with current topics and enjoy the small things in life like nature, a walk, a nice book or article to read. Connect to something you feel curious and interested in. This can make you feel happier than only focusing on results as a way to get ahead. Connect with people with an activity like a trek or a game or a study project. One can find such company by joining an activity club where people are together for an activity. Consult a therapist for healing methods to remove blocks to your confidence and get skill tips for confidence and interpersonal interaction.

When a person gets emotionally involved in another person they judge the marital relationship more harshly than they would otherwise as they are now compare the relationship with you with the relationship with the other. This is an unfair comparison and in their minds the other person will always seem better as they are meeting them only for good times where as in a marriage there is more complexity to share such as chores, finances and decisions and more conflict will result. Also there is a sense of novelty and adventure with the other person that will obviously not be there in a marriage over the years. Unless the other realizes this, and especially when the other person is all the time keeping up their involvement, they will be in the illusion the other is better than you and reject you. So the first thing is to get one’s self esteem back that it is not your fault that he prefers her! It is more about the situation than even about her. Secondly it is difficult to get out of this trap for the person who has gone astray as they are under this illusion as described above. Your husband particularly is showing his preference for her. Get support and healing for yourself. Be practical and take stock of your finances and legal rights for you and your daughter. You need to decide what is possible for you. Since you have support from your parents, it may be better to let him miss you, move out once you have taken the financial and legal advice and negotiated your rights. Continuing to stay with him can be too tough as though he is mellower, he is so rejecting of you, violent sometimes, not supporting financially and openly proclaiming attachment to her. It may look like you are letting him ‘win’ and have this relationship that is unfair. However one cannot hold anyone if they choose to be irresponsible and there is no point trying to ‘win’ at the cost of being harassed. You can rather save your energies to build a better life and have a better environment than try to force him to keep his commitment and be fair to you.

Do not treat your spouse as negative rather she is suffering from a fear disorder and many times people know they are irrational but are not able to stop themselves. Therapy can help and consult a therapist who can use the emotional freedom method with her. Often when there is an irrational fear like this the person may have other needs that are suppressed or worries that they do not want to face. So check if there is anything else she is concerned about such as health issue of anyone, anger problems, financial ones or more commonly if she has enough freedom in your household and is not burdened with too much routine work only with no time to do anything she likes and address these needs calmly and plan for them. Go on short outings and holidays with your spouse, help her to do something she enjoys like art, dance and reduce household work so there is general sense of wellness and happiness. This helps in fears subsiding.

Your wife quarrelling would be from her having high expectations that are often the result of childhood experiences of not feeling nurtured or of having witnessed high conflicts. It helps both for you to hear her wishes and show her how you are fulfilling them, and at the same time set limits in a brief and calm way about things you cannot do. If you become a pleaser to stop her quarrelling you will feel resentful. So attend to her in balance. You may need to find ways to detach from her quarrelsome moments by attending briefly and then having a pretext to create a break. Then when you return to the topic later she would be calmer and so would you. You may need to reduce stress by reducing your expectations or being flexible about them. She may be feeling pressured by you and therefore getting irritable too. Marital therapy can help too.

You are right that due to your pregnancy this is not a good time to try and get a job. Even for you dealing with changes of a new job can be too challenging. It will be useful to keep up with the job you have even though not confirmed and get your salary. Be calm as else your stress will affect your baby right now too because as it is you will need to work only for next few months after which you would take 4 to 6 months off for your baby. Your husband may not be mental support but I am assuming he will help financially at the time your baby is born. You can focus on your baby then and simultaneously use the time to brainstorm how to use your skills to do something of your own that can earn you money or you can update your skills through distance learning that can in future be a career avenue. Do not try to handle all issues at once but collect ideas and learning. Once your baby is one or two years old you will be prepared and be able to take up a very good career as you have upgraded your skills whilst at home with your baby. Meanwhile you can focus on welcoming your baby and enjoying your baby. Your career will happen at the right time and in a better way as your baby then grows healthy and happy.