They Find Tao

Personal accounts of the human struggle to find that elusive balance

Like water, human beings too are constantly struggling to find their own level. The ups and downs of life compel them to do so. It could be evolution or a changing society or expediency or rising consciousness, but nature allows for most men and women to adjust automatically to the altered demands on them.

Once docile and demure, a very ‘yin’ Lata changed to dramatic ‘yang’ after her marriage. Brought up in a patriarchal family where women were required to be seen but not heard, she was shocked to realise that her husband was not the Mills and Boon hero she had harboured in her dreams. He lacked initiative, whether it was in going out for movies and buying her flowers, to making his business grow or deciding to have children. His utter apathy drove her mad in the initial stages of her married life, but Lata’s survival instinct made her take up the challenge of making the marriage work for them. She gradually learnt how to ‘wear the pants’ in the house, and decided to obtain a loan as a woman entrepreneur to prop up the tottering business. She took all the major decisions like her children’s schooling and shifting house, and with infinite patience, managed to convince her husband to find professional help from a psychiatrist. Circumstances forced Lata to tap into her masculine side, and she is now helping her husband find his.

Looking at his gentle features and slim long fingers, it would be hard to believe that Vishal was an insensitive, aggressive person, not long ago. He was also a confused soul who was wracked by feelings of guilt and self-doubt when he discovered that his family distrusted him, in spite of the sacrifices he made to nurture them. “As the oldest of a family which lost its father early, I was forced to take up a job and forget my dreams of getting into professional singing, my passion. I also had to give up on higher studies. It made me feel cheated and I was constantly dissatisfied with everybody and everything. I became extremely touchy and snappy. My family cowered if I entered the house, and I suspect I also started enjoying the power it gave me over them,” says Vishal.

He was shattered when one day, he overheard his mother warning his sister ‘not to let bhaiyya know’ about something unpleasant. For weeks, Vishal was disturbed and confused, wondering where he went wrong. Providentially, a friend dragged him to a ten- day Vipassana course at Igatpuri. “The ten days of silence and meditation drove me up the wall. I couldn’t live with myself and my thoughts. I realised that I had turned into someone I was not by nature. I had to reclaim my right to enjoy life and its splendours, and yet be the supportive son and brother that my family needed. Vipassana helped, but it was the teachings of Osho which acted as balm to my soul. I gradually started participating in several of his workshops and retreats. I find that I can give vent to my feelings through his techniques… in those sessions, I laugh and cry, sing and dance, I really let go, helping me get in touch with my softer side. It’s an uphill journey, but I’m getting to be a more balanced person.”

Unlike the above, Veena consciously sought the growth her soul needed. “I was what you would call extremely yin, or with a very unbalanced proportion of female and male energies,” she confesses. “I was shy, sensitive, moody, touchy, extremely emotional, full of self-doubt, insecure and underconfident. I was also extremely passive and regressive.” Veena consciously set out to achieve masculine qualities, and one of the ways of doing so was through a relationship with the opposite sex. She found herself attracted to a very masculine (alpha) male. “In the process of studying him and being constantly in his company, I actually found that all the qualities I was looking for like assertiveness, less emotionality and dynamism were cropping up in me. When that happened, I simply outgrew the relationship,” says Veena. While she wouldn’t call herself balanced even today, she says she is far more so than earlier, and this balance has been a substantial part of the growth she needed. Veena is now a very successful career woman who handles stressful situations with a combination of confidence and sensitivity, thanks to her yin-yang balance.

(All names have been changed on request)