by Megha Bajaj

Give yourself the gift of you and see the difference

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Megha bajaj is above everything else a seaker. At time
she tries to find herself through words. At other times,
she attempts to understand herself by being with childern.
contact:megha83@hotmail.com A dear friend shared a profound message expressed by Louise Hay. She said, “Whatever you want from someone else emotionally, whatever you yearn for from another, just give it to yourself. A need within you can never be fulfilled from someone outside of you.” To me, this message was as important as the first drops of rains on barren land. For as long as I could remember, I had struggled in my relationships to be appreciated, cared for, and be loved. Had I been looking in the wrong place all along?

Like the queen in the Snow White tale, who needed a mirror to tell her that she was beautiful, I always wanted someone from outside to tell me that I was good enough. When someone did, I felt very happy. However, after a while, a question would start nibbling at my peace. This was, “For how long will he or she think this way?” To make the other believe I indeed was worthwhile, I would do strange and unnatural things. No wonder, most of my relationships would start deteriorating, because I would change so much that the person in question would begin to wonder, where the Megha they had seen and liked in the beginning had disappeared.

I have had my heart broken more number of times than I care to count. I have lost wonderful friends because of my insecurities. More than anything else, I have lost out on something which is so essential to my survival – self-esteem.

After I began to travel upon the soul path, my relationship with myself did improve, but the constant seeking and yearning from the other didn’t cease until I heard these words, “A need within you can never be fulfilled from someone outside of you.” I used them in my life that very night. I was feeling extremely low and Arun, my husband, was preoccupied.

I was about to give in to helpless weeping when those words resurfaced into my consciousness. I gave myself a hug and told myself, “Megha, you are such a darling. Megha, you are such a sweetheart.” I patted myself almost as if someone else was doing so, and kept telling myself all the things that I wanted to hear from others.

I felt a little foolish initially, but after two minutes, I began to feel calm. I began to feel happy. Yes, I began to feel loved. It was the most magical discovery. I could actually make myself feel better with no one else’s help. I could actually make myself feel loved, by myself. Did this mean that my happiness, my self-esteem was finally in my hands alone? Lost in wonder, I didn’t even notice Arun enter. He said, “Wow, you are glowing. Honestly, I thought you were angry and might be crying and were afraid to come out. Such a pleasant surprise!” Saying that he hugged me, and I hugged him back with all the gratitude in my heart. The day which could have ended in misery, ended in smiles, and a warm fuzzy feeling, only because I had found the secret to loving myself, by loving myself.

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