Personal Growth - Size matters !
Suma Varughese is a thinker, writer, seeker, latent
crusader and Editor-in-Chief of Life Positive.
Write to her at firstname.lastname@example.org The twists and turns of the spiritual journey are so unpredictable. Like any other day you mosey along doing your thing and then suddenly comes the moment – just like any other moment, but also so gloriously different – when everything changes. It can be a thought or an experience or it could be something fortuitous someone said. Life is never quite the same again.
Over the last couple of months I had been battling a sense of uneasiness, of many little dissonances jarring my nerves. In many situations, I had felt put down. I had also been belatedly experiencing the loneliness of living alone. I missed my mother. My friends were inexplicably not around.
I shared with someone I respect about a situation that had particularly troubled me and she told me that I must remember that I was the Big Suma and that the hurt and anger I complained against belonged to the ego, and not to me. I remembered then that when I was experiencing these episodes of being put down, a voice from within had expressed vehemently that I was much bigger than this. The old memory along with my friend’s timely reminder, simply brought everything to boiling point and I realised vividly that I was far too big to allow any thought or feeling to trouble me. The image I got was of the sheltering sky, against which thoughts and feelings expressed themselves like inconsequential clouds dotting my azure splendour, but in no way affecting it. It was amazing what a difference this realisation made. Shortly thereafter I had a slight misunderstanding with a friend. The fault was largely mine because I was ribbing her about something which she did not find amusing. At the same time her abrupt termination of the call upset me.
|Each time I recognise that I am bigger than the stimulus, I fi nd I can xperience the thought or the feeling completely and let it go|
Since then, I have been reminding myself of my unbeatable expansion in all situations. When fears of falling ill reared their head, I reminded myself that I was bigger than them and beat them back. Each time I recognise that I am bigger than the stimulus, I find I can experience the thought or the feeling completely and let it go. The more I do this the more peaceful and relaxed I feel. Instead of being overpowered and controlled by my thoughts and feelings as has been habitual with me, they burn themselves out in the fire of my awareness. It is wonderful to experience the charge die down. In this way, one by one, I sense I shall be given an opportunity to springclean my Mother Hubbard’s cupboard of toxic emotions by bringing them to light. If I am really bigger than any thought or feeling that may assail me, then what do I have to fear? I am awestruck to recognise that the answer to that is nothing. I will know that I have activated this possibility when my biggest fear – of travelling alone in a closed lift – will no longer give me the heebie jeebies. The day I can enter a lift on my own and still not turn into absolute jelly, will be my personal date of liberation. I look forward to it eagerly!
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