Personal Growth - To give is to receive
by Suma Varughese
Discover the joy of giving, says Suma Varughese
Dinner at the Sathes was a gay
affair this Sunday night. Mom
had just been given a rather
impressive advance for her new
children’s book and the family
was in a mood to celebrate. Dad had bought
a fancy chocolate cake from a five-star hotel
and the kids had deliberately gone easy on
dinner because they wanted to keep space
for the cake. When Aji saw the zest on their
faces, she took her piece of cake, divided it
into three portions and beckoning each of
her grandchildren to her, she fed them lovingly
with her own hands.
“You are spoiling them, Aai,” said her son
with disapproval.
Aji shook her head sagely, “It is not about
spoiling them, Ashwin. It is about feeding
them love.”
“But Aai, we would have
loved you to eat the cake
yourself. Those greedy pigs have eaten plenty,” said Dad.
Aai’s eyes softened, “To be frank, beta,” she said, “it
makes me so much happier to see them enjoy it than
to eat the cake myself.”
Mom went across and spontaneously hugged her,
“How lucky we all are to have you in our lives, Aai,”
she said. “You teach us so much simply by being who
you are.”
“All mothers are exemplary teachers because they
come from such a love space,” said Ajoba. “And when
you love, giving is as natural as breathing.”
“That is true of you also, Mom,” said Avijit. “I can’t
remember the number of times you stayed awake
during my exams to keep me company or to make
me a snack. Or the zillion amazing things you do for
all of us without us asking you!”
“You are a mom in a million,” said Nisha fondly and
Alka enthusiastically clapped.
Mom looked delighted and a little shy, “I wasn’t
expecting this but it feels so nice to get this acknowledgement!
Thank you, darlings.”
“Aji and Mom, how do you find it so easy to give?”
asked Alka plaintively. “You make it seem so effortless,
but I still can’t manage to give that easily. Just
yesterday, Roshni did not bring lunch from home,
and I offered to share my lunch but I was secretly
very glad when she decided to order something
instead. I kept feeling that there won’t be enough for
me, and that I would have to stay hungry.”
“That sense of self is what is called ahamkara or
ego,” said Ajoba. “All of us have this in us and it pits
us against others all the time. It takes a lot of inner
work to reduce this sense of self so don’t feel bad,
little one. At least you offered.”
“The thing to do is to keep practising the giving
muscle,” said Dad. “Each time we get the impulse to
give, let us do it, even if it is hard to follow it up. And
Alka, even at my age I find it hard to give. Yesterday,
my friend Vinod asked me to give him the latest
Deepak Chopra book, but I wanted to read it myself
so I did not give it. But becoming aware of it and
not holding it against yourself will help.”
“The thing to remember,” said Mom, “is that giving
also gives you a lot of joy. When you buy a starving
boy a meal in the street, the joy you get will keep
you full for days. Just recently at Diwali someone
gifted me the most beautiful paper weight. It was a translucent depiction of Planet Earth. I so loved it. But
then I remembered that your aunt Gita loves beauty
just as much as I do. So I gave it to her and you know,
the joy I got when I thought of the joy she would get
from it really was more than the joy I would have got
from using it myself. It is exactly as Aji said – there is
a higher level of happiness when you give another
than when you use it yourself.”
“Tell you what, kids,” said Dad. “Let’s celebrate New
Year in a different way. This year, let us all decide to
stretch our giving muscles as a family by taking on a
project.”
The children looked excited. “What project, Dad?”
asked Avijit, curiously.
“You know, there is this family living on the pavement
near the signal at Cinemax. Each time I go past
them, my conscience pricks me, especially during the
monsoon and winter. There are at least five kids there
and I hate to think of the difficulties they must be
shouldering. I vote we adopt them and see what we
can do to make their lot better.”
Everyone looked a little daunted.
“Adopt them?” said Mom, her voice quavering as she
thought of adding five more kids to her already
troublesome brood.
”Not legally or in any formal way,” said Dad, “but
simply to support that family however we can. I have
had some dealings with them and I find them to be
good people. The man had a shack which got torn
down and now he does not have the money to get
another. The family’s main job is to collect old clothes
in exchange for vessels. Maybe there is not much
money there.”
“Before you take on any such project,” warned
Ajoba, “Make sure that you do not make them less
than they were. Whatever you do should make them
more self-reliant and able to stand on their feet. If they
start depending on you then you have made parasites
out of them.”
“Good point, Ajoba,” said Dad. “I am going to
be really careful abut that. But I would like to work
on this man a little and help him discover his
hidden dynamism so he can take proper
responsibility for the family.”
“I don’t mind taking the wife in hand
and teaching her a little about cleanliness
and home management. If she turns out to
be a good student, I am sure I can help her
get a job as a maid in one of the houses
here.”
“Kids, you may want to help educate their
children,” said Dad. “Sure, Dad,” said Avijit,
and Nisha and Alka agreed as well.
“Maybe, once in a while we can take some
good food from home and even give them a
bath, Mom,” said Nisha excitedly.
“Wowee, this sounds such fun. I am already
feeling good,” squealed Alka.
“Good, then we are on,” said Dad, rubbing
his hands with satisfaction.
“Oh, Dad, while we are on the subject, do
you think you might get more joy in watching
me drive your car than in driving it
yourself ?” said Avijit, casually.
Dad snorted. “Nice try, son, but I haven’t
evolved to such rarefied heights as yet,”
reaching out to give him a mock punch.
Avijit chuckled and ducked out of range.
“Your evolution leaves a lot to be desired,
Dad,” he said cheekily. Dad laughed. “I will
leave it to you to teach it to me, son.”
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