Test and sharpen your assertiveness skills

Raise your assertiveness rating Whatever your rating in the quiz remember that assertiveness is an acquired skill. It is the middle path between aggressive and passive behaviour. You are neither a bully demanding that others do your bidding nor do you accept whatever is demanded of you. You can learn to be assertive if you: • Decide that you want to be assertive rather than aggressive or passive. • Think about a recent conflict and imagine how you could have handled it in a more assertive way. • Practise talking in an assertive way alone or with a friend. • Respect the wants, needs and feelings of others, and accept that their viewpoints may be different from yours. • Take a problem-solving approach to conflict, and try to see the other person as your collaborator rather than your opposition. • Tell the other person honestly how you feel, without making accusations or trying to make them feel guilty. • Use assertive language such as ‘I feel’ and ‘I think’, rather than aggressive language such as ‘You always’ and ‘You never’. • Don’t interrupt others when they are talking, and try hard to listen and understand their point of view. • Suggest that you brainstorm ways to solve the problem together. • If the exchange doesn’t go well, learn from the experience and plan how you will do things a little differently next time. • Posture: when asserting yourself, keep your head, and your voice level. Refuse to be goaded into yelling back. • Tell the person you’ll take up the subject again at another time, and leave. • If you decide to stick it out—remain calm, steer the conversation back to the original point, and try to understand the other person’s point of view. • Appreciate that there may be other issues motivating their behaviour. • Don’t take heat-of-the-moment criticisms to heart.