We have suffered the scarcity of the socialist years, and surfeited on the excesses of the consumerist age. Perhaps it is time to draw a balance, and arrive at the ethical and intelligent approach of thrift. More>>
Life would be simple if our physiological and psychological needs were automatically fulfilled. The course of life does not always run smoothly. Things happen and our needs and goals are frustrated leaving us to face what we popularly call ‘stress’
In fact, stress can be understood as adjustive demands that entail an individual a lot of efforts to gain what Kurt Goldstein describes as ‘energy-equalization’. Stress can be classified as frustration, conflict and pressure – all three types are very closely interrelated.
The term frustration refers to as the blocking of behaviour directed to fulfill a need. Actually, frustration occurs when one’s ambitions are thwarted; it may happen either when one fails to achieve a cherished goal or one fails to have a goal at all. Those who cannot achieve their desired goals feel depressed, fearful, anxious, guilty or angry. Simply put, they are unable to derive even the most ordinary and simple pleasures from living. Obstacles leading to frustration can be external or environmental as well as internal. External blockages can be lack of resources or it may be other people who prevent us from fulfilling our needs.
Frustration may arise because of inner barriers in the form of ethical or moral limitations. Like in India, many young people are drawn to western ways of relationships but their moral values make them withdraw. Similarly, setting unattainable goal beyond one’s abilities also proves to be an important source of frustration. For example, a person admitted to certain course of study fails miserably and ends up highly frustrated because of lack of necessary level of intelligence. Personal limitations like physical handicaps, lack of self-control and absence of required competencies are the most common sources of stress prevailing all over the world – whatever be the economic, technological and armament status of a country is.
Imagine a child trying to select a toy from a big toy shop that has numerous tempting items displayed around; the poor little thing is confused what to leave and what to take. I remember that several times in my childhood I would enter a suger cane field in order to pick up the best one for me and come out through the other end of the field confused and unable to find the ‘best one’, irritated because of having to choose. Today things are not as fixed as they used to be earlier. We are surrounded by amazing choices as never before. Having to make a choice involves cognitive strain – ‘strain’ because it is difficult to fix one’s mind especially when each alternative offers values that the other does not, and the choice has to be made. Usually the choice of one alternative means frustration of the other one. Life is full of conflicts and the frustration issuing from it.
Conflict may arise when we are to choose between two things that are equally attractive at the same time – a person is hungry and sleepy at the same time. Or remember that donkey in your kids’ story book starved itself to death as it stood halfway between two piles of hay and could not choose between them. Frustration can also arise when we must choose between two undesirable things. The situation is like ‘caught between the devil and the deep blue sea’. Often a person caught into such situation is fearful, resentful or angry. A simple example of such conflict is having to choose between a job one intensely dislikes or quitting it and being called a failure. The conflict that is most difficult to resolve is the one when a person is both attracted and repelled by the same goal – a person highly desires to join a high status group and strongly disagrees with its ideology. Because of the positive points of the goal, we approach it, and then the negative points seem stronger and we tend to stop before reaching it, hence the frustration. Such situation is a kind of mixed-blessing. Stress can also arise from various pressures in our day to day life – the pressure too could be internal or external. Our pressures may originate from the demands from our environment or from our ambitions and expectations. In a high-pressure situation we work like a superhuman, overloading our energy resources leading to a breakdown of organized behavior.
Whenever, next time, you feel stressed out, drop the issue immediately, close your eyes, leave your brow loose and imagine it melting down gradually. Continue deep gentle breathing. On a deeper level, take responsibility of the choices you make and do not let the other things outside you take control of you. Blaming others or circumstances for you unhappiness and misery is PROJECTION. Don’t project your failures or mistakes onto someone else or circumstances.
If things are that way, fine, accept them and tell yourself that it was your choice after all, and face it bravely. Visualize your future the way you want it, and believe me, your life will gain a happy harmony. Submit yourself to that supreme cosmic power which is nothing but your own self! Find it fantastic? Self is your awareness, your consciousness and your understanding that you are ‘existence’, you are ‘presence’; the past and the future are within you. When in conflict, take a deep breath, go for the best option according to you and take the complete responsibility of your choice. All fear, anxiety and anger will vanish.
