Seeking - The Higher Self speaks
by K Gitanjali
I stumbled on the Higher-Self game when I was deeply divided and angry.
Smarting under an unexpected verbal attack from a friend one day, the first thing I did was to fall into the usual habit of getting caught in my thoughts. I was the classic victim and even after the incident was over, I kept going over it in my mind. The little me kept on like a stuck record, “Who does she think she is?” followed by, “You really can’t trust anyone. Everyone has their own agenda.” At home sitting with myself during meditation, I realised that I was nowhere near stillness.
“What if you accept this too – this feeling of disturbance,” said a calming voice. Immediately the energy shifted. It was OK to be angry. It was showing up in my reality now, because it had something to show me. As I was present to this anger and was comfortable with its energy, I heard my Higher Self say, “You have been experimenting with the truth that you are not the doer. It must mean your friend too is not a doer. Why don’t you apply that principle to her too? She too has not done anything to you. It is just the Universe unfolding according to your subconscious beliefs and karmas.”
“You mean she doesn’t have an axe to grind?” I demanded, my mind kicking in again. “Well, whether she has or has not doesn’t concern you. That is her journey. Your job here is to focus on your own journey now. Take the incident as a blessing that the Universe is giving you to show you which shadow you have to heal. Whatever is happening is because of various forces you have set forth, due to egoic investments in the universe as a doer.”
I got really silent and got in touch with that inner child part of me that was still capable of being wounded and needed to be healed.
“If there is only one of us and you are part of that One, what do you lack?” came the same still voice of my wise self. As the stillness took over something sprung up instead of the anger – a feeling of compassion; compassion for my friend and for people in general who carry their burdens and viewpoints and suffer just as I had done a few moments ago. Along with it, came the remembrance of reading what spiritual master and author, Eckhart Tolle, had said that how you interpret life or your own behaviour or the behavior of others is after all only a viewpoint – a bundle of thought and has no reality. Now suddenly a thought came up.
“The whole shift occurs when I shift from the lower to the higher. What if instead of identifying with this lower needy self, I identified with my Higher Self? How could I do it?”
I remembered reading how Dr. Brian Weiss’s patients, who had been regressed to their past lives, often found themselves floating once they left their bodies after death. They were then able to have a detached perspective of their lives, and view the lessons they needed to learn.
I imagined that I was a light body floating above the human body, as after all, our higher selves, are really the light and clear part of ourselves. As I viewed the situation from a higher, more detached perspective, I suddenly saw things the little me had never seen. I saw my part in the drama. I saw my little self holding on to her story, and I saw that just as I had a right to hold on to my viewpoint, my friend too could hold on to hers. No one was right, and no one was wrong. Things just were as they were. Moreover, as my Higher Self had hinted, it was happening so that I could heal the part of me, which out of insecurity, was still clinging to her opinions.
And then I also remembered about soul contracts. The person who attacks you has agreed to take on the role so that you could heal. Suddenly, the whole perspective changed. From being an attacker, my friend really became a friend who was helping me on my soul journey.
That moment helped me start a game I call my Higher-Self game. When my spouse, boss, relatives, or acquaintances trigger off some negative emotion in me, it is time to shift with awareness to my Higher Self. They are just being a portal through which the Universe is helping me heal. When I feel the trigger arise, I use the awareness, to allow me to create some space around the incident, instead of being caught in it. I float to where I imagine my Higher Self is, and view the situation from her perspective. And let me tell you, when I come down to terra firma it is with a wholly new response – that of checking my own behaviour, accepting their behaviour as well as mine, and sending love and light.
I always come out of my connection with my Higher Self feeling lighter. It helps me to put things into perspective. She always makes me realise that people are different and fine just as they are, and when I connect to the real me, I am able to move through the separation with ease and unity. It all depends on who I choose to be at the moment. Am I the spacious presence of my Higher non-judgmental Self, or am I the little needy me? It will make all the difference until I reach the stage, where I am that pure choiceless awareness.
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