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THE
SECRET LIFE |
| By Makrand Paranjape At his Guru's samadhi he weeps, pondering over the secret significance of his life. It is not as if he has not known how it would all end. Everything has been shown him beforehand: "You'll lose her and she'll go so far away that you may never see her again. One day, you'll wake up, bereft, in a cold, empty bed. Then, for years, your eyes will pine to catch just a glimpse of her face..." Such was the Guru's blessing. And he had seen it all much before it happened And yet, he couldn't resist the force of the boon, and was swept along. He saw a caravan of camels, slowly trudging across the golden sands of the desert, carrying a princess' dowry. His bride was starting her long journey towards him, from distant lands where the laws and customs are different. He could not even see her face beneath her veil but he could recognize those eyes anywhere. How carefully had her family prepared for this day, storing up and saving, through feast and famine. And he also saw as if in a swift replay, all the hours she herself sat up by an oil-lamp, painstakingly working on her trousseau. All that delicate embroidery, the napkins, table cloths, and bed sheets, all those colorful vases which she herself had painted, and in her spare time, the dolls she'd made out of rags, and the jewelry from bits of glass, not knowing, all along, whom she would bestow herself and all this treasure upon. Only, she prayed to her Pir: "Marry me off to a good man, that's all I ask." |
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| The Master looked at him kindly and placed his hand upon his head. "Treat our child well; she's a precious jewel." He didn't want to leave that enchanted world but his bride smiled: "That's enough. Now our marriage is consummated." He suddenly realized that the look is more intimate than touch and must be saved for last. And yet, now she's gone just as he had been told. Distraught, he wants to retaliate, make her pay for what she did to him but he cannot harm or hate her, the Guru has taken away his power to hurt: "Once on the path, all you can do is to bless people, you are not allowed to curse anyone." Helpless in his grief, he wants to ask, What kind of blessing is this? His hot tears soak the cool marble. As if in reply, in the haze ahead, he sees a man in his likeness on horseback, dressed in the costly robes of a prince, as if on an inspection tour of one of his villages. The whole village is cowering about him, to pay homage and make petitions. There at the back, stands a poor woman, with a half-naked child on her hip. When his eyes meet hers, his heart stops: what, what is she doing there? His bride, his princess, why is she in rags? Whose child is she carrying? | |
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It is as if the Guru is speaking to him: "Now do you understand how men like you become the lords of the earth? A woman who loves you has been praying for your success, rubbing her nose before countless altars, fasting, keeping vigils, sacrificing herself entirely so that you may attain your heart's desire. And look how wretchedly she herself lives, accepting a life of privation in exchange of your fulfilling your lust for power. Don't question why I sent her away; a woman like that ensures your good fortune even when she's separated from you." A chastened man, he rises from the shrine. He makes a prayer for his beloved, "Naam nigehbaan, Janum," he whispers, her tearstained face in the void of his heart, "be happy wherever you are, my blessings are always upon your head and the heads of your children." Cleansed, he emerges from the hospice, collects his shoes, distributes coins and notes among the beggars lining the street. A large car drives up; he takes the handkerchief off his head, steps in, and disappears into the traffic of the city. |
Life Positive, May 1998 |
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