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Don't we all come to this world as guests—constantly striving to find the
golden rule of a successful rapport with everybody and everything we come across?
From birth to death a person's success or failure is measured by the kind of relationship
he/ she has had with elements of this world: people. Nature and beyond it all,with
the spirit behind this "relative world". But striking the right chord in a relationship
often proves a hard nut to crack.
The world seems to constantly echo with a disconcerting chorus
of voices, the result of frustrated relationships between parents
and their children, husbands and wives, friends, siblings, in-laws,
employees and colleagues—individuals disillusioned with themselves
for not being able to relate successfully to their environs.
The most interesting aspect of this scenario is that, today there
happens to be no dearth of methods to arrive at that elusive "success"
in the act of relating.
The phenomenal flux of changes in every sphere of our lives since the last century
has redefined the role of human relationships. Social revolutions such as the
women's lib, the cult of the individual, and even the human potential movement
have repatterned the basic premises of relationships. A good relationship today
is not one that just lasts but one that coexists with self-respect, individuality
and the need to grow.
For it to thrive successfully, marriage counselors and psychologists, also, stress
the need for this kind of "space" within a couple's relationship. An individual
in a marriage shouldn't be a repository of one's own needs and desires, in fact
both the people involved should be totally committed to their relationship. They
must be ready to take responsibility for themselves as well as the relationship.
How to Make Relationships Work Don't try too hard
to convince the other person of your love. Love and trust yourself more. This
will relax your love defenses and enable you to give yourself totally to relationship.
Don't question the other person's love all the time. Feel the oneness
of the universe.Step beyond the 'me first' conflicts that mar relationships. This
would help you be complete within yourself. Don't use your relationships
to fulfill your expectations. Know yourself. Analyze the cause of your
reactions. Acknowledge the other person as an individual. Grow and let grow.
In a conflicting relationship, check where you went wrong rather than where
the other person failed. Listen to each other. Communication strengthens the foundation
of a relationship. Take the first step in working out a relationship without
worrying about who is in the right. Don't depend on any person and don't let the
other person depend on you.
One of life's greatest achievement is to grow and let your seeds grow. Nothing
in life is more fulfilling than watching your children blossom. More so when you
have to nurture, educate and guide them towards a life most suitable to them.
Millions of parents do it all the time—some, with a lot of effort, some without
a thought. So, what really is good parenting? Is it discipline, moral education,
freedom to let your child be what he is? Or is it something more subtle, something
that goes by the name of life's lessons?
But it might be a good thing to remember that, no matter how eager or
ambitious we are in shaping our children's lives, there is a limit to
what we can accomplish. Swami
Vivekananda, founder of Ramakrishna Mission, uses the analogy of growing
a plant to drive home the point:
"You cannot make a plant
grow in soil unsuited to it. A child teaches itself. But you can help it to go
forward in its own way. What you can do is not of the positive nature, but of
the negative. You can take away the obstacles, but knowledge comes out of its
own nature. Loosen the soil a little, so that it may come out easily. Put a hedge
round it; see that it is not killed by anything, and there your work stops. You
cannot do anything else. The rest is a manifestation from within its own nature."
BRINGING UP CHILDREN • Teach values such as honesty, integrity,
patience and self-control gradually and steadily, that too by your own example.
• Praise them openly and often, reprove secretly and seldom; reprimand
the bad behavior, not your children. • Teach them self-esteem and self-confidence
(something they'll carry for the rest of their lives). • Restrict television
watching and recreation time. Keep a watch on your children's company. •
Try to keep alcohol and drugs away from the house, or keep them in moderation.
• Maintain a happy and loving home environment. • Give a lot
of your time to your children, both quality and quantity. • Make humor
and laughter a part of your relationship with children. • Allow children
to grow and learn through the mistakes they make. • Hug and show feelings
of love whenever possible. • Communicate gently but clearly and firmly.
PAPA OF TINY FEET • In a time of nuclear families in
which wives also contribute to the family kitty, it is imperative that fathers
too share the responsibility of bringing up a baby. Don't view the time spent
with your child as a chore. It is an integral part of your life that will help
strengthen the parent-child bond.
• The keynote in approaching
fatherhood is to relax. A baby is responsive to the parent's feelings. If you
are anxious, so will the baby be.
• A baby often makes demands
on its mother at the most outrageous times, leaving her exhausted. At this time
you can encourage her by taking on some of the tasks—such as changing nappies
or waking up in the night to look after necessary chores.
• It
might seem difficult to change your lifestyle that the baby's presence would inevitably
demand. You may have to say good-bye to indulgent hobbies that you have developed
over the years, the partying that used to be fun. But if you allow yourself to
get involved in the process of your child's growing up—building blocks with
him, doing jigsaws, and reading from picture books—you will discover a new
joy, as you watch the wonder of life unfold through its eyes.
OLD
V/S NEW Current medical wisdom regarding the rearing of children, upholds
some traditional Indian practices while rejecting others: • Avoid pre-lacteal
feeds like honey water, glucose or formula milk. • Talcum powders serve
no purpose and can be avoided. Soaps, if used at all should be mild. •
If your religion your child to be circumcised, postpone circumcision till a later
stage and make sure that it is done by a qualified surgeon.
—Dr
Promilla Butani in Parenting
• Don't give the child any
water or juices until he starts on solid food. • Avoid applying kohl
in the baby's eyes. • Take any ailment, even a minor fever, seriously
in a newborn • Avoid putting ear or nose-rings • Use cotton
clothes and diapers. • After feeding, burp the child. Don't let the
child lie down face-up immediately after feeding. • Don't try tricks
such as coating your child's thumb with chilies to rid it of thumb-sucking habit.
These are psychological problems that should be handled by a pediatrician.
We alternately love them and hate them, but one thing's for sure—what
would we do without them? Our companions for life, our competitors, our confidantes,
our rivals, our comrades-in-arms against the whole mad world—what would we
do without them? No other bond in the world can beat siblings at sharing such
a unique and complex love-hate relationship!
The true worth of having
had brothers and/or sisters around while we were growing up never strikes us till
we are way past our childhood. The most important lesson we learn at that stage
of our lives, is how to get along with individuals other than ourselves. That
was also when we learnt to develop social values such as cooperation, honesty,
kindness, and tolerance .
Learning such important social skills usually
takes a lot of time, but they are imbibed much faster while living with brothers
and sisters. Children with siblings learn how to share and resolve conflicts quite
easily. And with the right kind of guidance from parents, siblings also get a
lot of practice in learning how to be cooperative, supportive, and nurturing to
others.
In other words, we probably turned out much better because we
had that bullying older brother or the irritating younger sister__it prepared
us for all the important relationships we encountered later in life.
Tips for Managing Quarrelsome Siblings •
Let siblings express their feelings. •
Try to comment only on the disagreeable behavior and avoid telling
one child that a sibling is better at something. •
Try to give each sibling according to his/her individual need. •
Don't take sides in sibling fights. Instead, try to let the children work out
differences on their own. •
It takes time and persistence for you to learn new ways of treating
your children and for them to learn new ways of getting along. •
Don't give up.
A friend is someone who walks in when the whole world walks out. Our friends
are equity shares we earn in life. We continue to reap dividends on them throughout
our lives. Yet today how many of us have shoulders to lean on outside our immediate
familial relationships? In a highly competitive and result oriented world, we
seem to be drifting away from each other all the time. This is not to say that
the world is short of amiable individuals, but rather that we have forgotten the
art of maintaining positive camaraderie. In a mad rush to keep up with the fast
changing pace of urban living, we fail to nurture and care for basic ties of love
and warmth that binds us all together.
Tips for Better Friendships 1. Being Fully Committed 2.
Taking Personal Responsibility 3. Taking Care of Yourself 4. Being honest,
and 5. Doing Your Work—will allow you to experience the love, happiness,
joy, and quality of life that you deserve, and is worth your best effort!
Singh, Rini Family & marriage
counselor A-8/21, Vasant Vihar, New Delhi 110 057. Tel: 91-011-6140301/6142980
Snehalaya Family Service Centre, Victoria Church Compound,
LadyJamshedji Road, Mahim, Mumbai -400 016. Tel: 91-022-468218
Dr Kamal Khurana Marriage and Relationship Counselor and Therapist, B - 3 / 80, Safdarjung Enclave,
( Near Street No - 4 Krishna Nagar ) New Delhi - 29. Tel: 9810126165, 9810983328
Sibling
Relationships has every thing you wanted to know about managing kids
at home.
Relationship Articles Menu Covers articles from Larry James on relationships, along with
coaching, notes, FAQs, and reviews of related books, videos, and audio clips.
Relationship
Expert Profiles Gloria Fraser,the relationship expert of more than
25 years, and her techniques for betterment of all kinds of relationships. Covers
theory, articles, advice columns, and workshops.
Center
for Relationship Development Guides you for cultivating a spiritual
relationship. Also covers book reviews, and a schedule for related seminars.
Principles
of Parenting provides guidelines for better parent-child relations
with much more related information.
