|Subject: manipulation on another level|
|i have been with a man 16 years older than me for the past three years. i have always had low self esteem and have struggled to find my career with animals and also had many issues when my family split 7 years ago which resulted in me being homeless. i have always been a bit insecure and unconfident and lacked a male role model as my father has severe bi polar disorder and always hurt me emotionally. this is the reason my mum left him for someone else. im now 25. my boyfriend is/ was 41. he has constantly told me how every one of my friends are wastes of space, drink too much alcohol and that i need to stay away from them- they do drink regularly and ive never really been keen on it and so i thought yes he is right, he was right about stopping smoking too and getting my own flat and focusing on my career with animals after getting my degree...all of which i have acheived. this man has helped me turn my life around in a big way but i find myself isolated from people my own age i have known for a long time. and then i find out after making nasty comments about them and telling me to keep away from them, he has been at the pub with them all. while i am at home in my flat alone. i felt so hurt and just to make you aware this is the tip of the iceberg. so many situations like this have occured. where he tells me one thing but then contradicts what he‘s said with his actions. i cleaned his house for a bit of extra cash and he shouted at me as it wasnt good enough. i said woah its no big deal i just wont clean for you then if im rubbish. he got really angry and told me i was pathetic for being on a low income when he now has a job at capita earning 40k a year as an IT Data Base Administartor. which in my head i thought was rich when he has sat on the dole for 2 years.. in the end he physically threw me out of his house! i had stayed calm id never voiced my opinions to him. his unpredictable actions scare me and leave me stunned. if i do try to confront him about things he‘s said or done he either avoids answering the door or his phone or twists it round to make out im being pathetic. his behaviour one day will contradict the next day. he‘d tell me i was useless and much worse infront of his 15 year old son. i was convinced i was losing my mind as this man had changed my life in many ways for the better. but did he help my situation so that he had more control over me so that i would owe him big time so to speak.. im not sure... now he doesnt have control over anything of mine.. but because he built me up to be what i am now ( or so he‘s made me believe) i am scared my life will crumble and ill be lost again without him. i have never suspected him of cheating as he is cleverer than that and very calculating.. however i wouldnt put it past him and he could probably explain his way out of that somehow too... one evening i asked if he could not give his son his mobile as i sent him private texts and he got up and phoned the police! i started crying and didnt know what to do.. he told them over the phone i was hysterical and i started crying and was so shocked by his outrageous actions that by the time they arrived i did look hysterical.. which made me think maybe he is right .. but no... i dont think any of this was me. now i have left him i am terrified as god knows what game playing tricks he will think of to hurt me now.. i am so scared.. i did some research and i believe he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder- he was like a vampire and sucked all my energy for his own gain and if i didnt live up to his expectations i would get shouted at big time.. i suffered exhaustion and depression when i first met him and he only made this worse. he genuinley had no empathy for what his actions did to me or anything and when his crazy actions hurt me or made me worry or frightened he blantantly wouldnt be bothered. like that was the purpose of what he was doing but by hurting me im not going to carry on supporting him and his son am i? so why do it? i felt heart broken 90% of the time. i now have lost all my friends as he has convinced everyone, that i am the one that is crazy. that i am a nightmare and he basically has driven a wedge between me n my friends and i have noone and darent leave my flat. which means what ever he tells people goes and they will never hear my side of things.. but then again if i rush out there and defend my self and tell people how things really are then ill look desperate and crazy so i cant wim and he knows this! i have noone to talk to about this situation. i cant believe i ever got with this man. he has destroyed friendships i had and my confidence.. i was well liked in my town i have lived here for 15 years he‘s only lived here for 4 years and he‘s even gone around polluting people heads about my mum and dad which hurts as he has never met my mum and my dad has a mental illness and so cant always help his behaviour.|
for some reason this guy has helped me in other ways, to find a place to live and taught me to be positive.. i just dont understand and have noone who can relate... its exhaustic to think about.... does anybody out there know what i have been though? has anyone been through something similar?... i really hope he stays away from me now but i have the feeling he‘ll do something more to hurt me.
thanks for reading Hollie
|Posted by: Hollie Louise on 5 May. 2013|
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