Love Languages

Prepared by Dr. Kanan for Pinkishe Love Languages Love is such a wonderful thing. Our dreams before marriage are of marital bliss. It’s hard to believe anything else when you are in love. Love is a feeling of being at home. A sense that we have arrived. The ultimate feeling of security. It is said that love begins or at least should begin at home. So what happens to that love after the wedding? What we are never told is that not everybody speaks the same Love Language. People have different languages to communicate. But communication and expression is limited if we can’t understand the opposite person. If we want our spouse to feel the love, if we want to be effective communicators of love we must be willing to learn his or her Language of Love. Love is the fuel tank of any relationship. It is necessary to keep this tank full and smooth running. It isn’t to eliminate the surrounding of the word ‘love’ but to focus on the word ‘love’ which is essential to our emotional health. Ultimately, the existence of mankind desires to be intimate and love by another. Marriage is designed to meet that need for the intimacy and love. According to Gary Chapman, there are five Love Languages. The first Love Language is the ‘Words of Affirmation’. People who speak this Love Language understand love in compliments and appreciation. If your partner speaks this Love Language give 3 compliments to him or her everyday as a part of your spiritual discipline. Sometimes give a compliment in front of others. Perhaps even write a Love Letter once a month. The second Love Language is ‘Quality Time’. It means giving them your undivided attention. Take a break from all the distracters and the gadgets. In today’s times, technology is contributing to the blurring lines of infidelity in relationships. The central aspect of Quality Time is Togetherness; not Proximity. Togetherness is when you give focused attention. Have quality conversation. Listen when your partner speaks. We forget that marriage is a relationship and not a project to be completed or a problem to solve. The smallest things like maintaining eye contact while speaking to your partner, not interrupting them, listening for feelings and observing their body language go a long way in strengthening the bond between spouses. If your partner’s Love Language is Quality Time then a simple question ‘How was your day?’ would be enough to give them the space to express themselves. Sharing 3 Prepared by Dr. Kanan for Pinkishe incidents that happened to you throughout the day, taking a walk together, sharing your childhood stories, going on dates, doing activities that he or she enjoys are the ways of understanding and speaking the Love Language of Quality Time. The third Love Language is ‘Receiving Gifts’. For individuals who speak this Love Language, it is the most fundamental expression of Love. It transcends cultural barriers. They believe in visual symbols of love and hence the effort you take to personalise a gift and your physical presence especially in the time of crisis are the most powerful gifts you can give to your partner if his/her Love Language is receiving gifts. For them, the gifts need not be expensive and nor do they expect it every week. Perhaps, once in a while having a gift parade where you shower them with gifts the entire day would add the fuel in their tank. ‘Acts of Service’ is the forth Love Language. To speak this Love Language you do a deed which you know your spouse would like to do. These actions require thought, planning, time, effort and energy. To understand and speak the same Love Language, keep a list of the requests that your spouse randomly makes. Then select one among them each week to shower them with your Love. The fifth Love Language is ‘Physical Touch’. It is babies who teach us the beauty and significance of Physical Touch. It originates from our mother and can be tremendously relaxing. Touch is primitive, it is a part of crisis, of celebration and also pleasure. If your partner speaks this Love Language, hold his/her hand when you walk, run your hand through their hair, voluntarily rub their backs and give them shoulder massages. Frequent hugs, physical love making, foot massages are other ways in which this Love Language is expressed.