Being present in the presence

Being present in the presence

October 2022

Being present with the presence 

By Megha Bajaj

Megha Bajaj’s relationships with her guru and her mother have been symbiotically beneficial, helping her  deepen her experience with them 

Ask me about the two  most divine and precious  relationships of my life,  and without batting an eyelid,  I will say the ones with my  guru, Mahatria, and my mother,  Sunila Bajaj. The most beautiful  thing is that, somehow, both  these relationships have helped  me get closer to one another in  ways that are profound and life transforming. And today, I feel  like sharing a part of my soul,  and that’s probably going to take  a lot of courage. Being vulnerable  takes courage. Since I believe the  purpose of my life is to go through  experiences and share them with  my readers through words, here I  am. 

My mother took me closer to  Mahatria through faith. When  she was diagnosed with stage 4,  grade 4 brain cancer in 2013, I had  no option (the medical fraternity  gave us little hope) but to turn to  spirituality. It was the first time  I experienced choiceless faith.  Unconditional faith. Irrational  faith. Mahatria said that she  would fight it through, and I had  no option but to believe it, as I  held on to her for dear life. She  did fight it through and led the  most beautiful, happy, dancing,  travelling, and reaching-out life  for nine years. 

Mahatria brought me closer to  my mother. Over the years, I  learnt to relate to my guru, not  just as a form—dressed in white,  with white, curly hair, having  a beard, twinkling eyes, and a  divine smile—but as a presence.  As I kept growing in my love for  Him, experience by experience  from a relationship, He became  a connection. From having  conversations, I found myself  in communion with Him. From  words, we moved to Silence. In  a recent experience, when I was  lost in an embrace with Him,  I suddenly looked up and told  Him, “You know, Mahatria, when  I am alone, I feel exactly how I  am feeling right now, as I am in  such close proximity to you.” He  smiled and asked, “When are you  ever alone?” 

Somehow, this little encounter  was so important as it occurred  just two months before we lost  Mummy in her physical form.  Suddenly, that frail, smiling lady  with grey, brown eyes and a smile  was no longer with us. Knowing  how much she meant to me, I  honestly thought I would go mad  with grief and pain. But much to  my surprise, I was able to move  from the form version of her to the  formless one, with effortless ease.  I had already experienced it with  Mahatria—moving from a person  to a presence—and I simply had  to do the same with Mummy. 

I feel amazed at how peaceful I am  in less than three months since  she left. I feel her in everything. A  beautiful moment happens, and  I know she is hugging me. I feel  hurt, and I know she is holding  my head in her lap. Whatever  happens, she is with me. Mahatria  had already taught me how to  transition from form to formless. 

I wish I could tell every person  out there who is going through  the loss of a relationship due to  death. It’s still there. The love.  The memories. The beauty. The  relationship. It’s just transitioned  from form to formless. When I  wanted to be with Mom earlier, I  had to go to the other room. Now,  I just have to close my eyes. In  fact, I don’t even have to do that.  She just is. A part of me. I need no  validation from outside. 

I am infinitely grateful to these  two deepest loves of my life that  served to bring me closer to each  other. I feel like the chosen one,  to experience love so deeply, so  intimately, all the time. I wish I  can be instrumental in helping  those experiencing this. 

Megha Bajaj is a bestselling  author, film script writer, and  poet.  An ardent seeker at heart, she  

also runs her online writing and  healing workshops called WoW.  You can read more about her on  www.MeghaBajajWoW.com. 

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