Cutting through the chaos

Cutting through the chaos

November 2017

Looking within and accepting herself has helped Megha Bajaj experience true peace

Sometimes you feel chaotic from within. There isn’t really a reason and your life might not necessarily be troublesome either. I believe this is an existential chaos; a seeker’s restlessness, thirst and yearning, to reach beyond where he or she already is. It is a chaos that leans towards needing clarity, deeper peace and a higher purpose. In short, it is a chaos that helps us create something.

Years ago, I realised that we cannot escape ourselves. Ever. We can pause, distract ourselves with gadgets, and sometimes, even with goals. We can disguise existential chaos with relationships and other things in order to feel we have a purpose in life, but sooner or later this chaos, this wonder, this wanting catches up on us. These days, when I feel restless, I consciously observe the chaos within instead of distracting myself. Sometimes, I question myself and at other times, accept what’s going on. By doing so, I cut through the chaos. 

So, what happens then? On some occasions, the peace floods in after a while, the mind tires out and the stream of consciousness engulfs me. I find my flow again.  That being said, there are times when I don’t find peace. However, I accept the chaos and create something using it, just like I am doing right now, creating this article.

Of all the roles I play in my life, I find being a seeker, the most important. I want to find answers for myself and for others about how leading a better life is possible. I want to ask questions to my beloved guru and sometimes just observe and absorb His silence. I think it is so special to be on this path of self-discovery and I am learning to embrace all the intermittent highs and lows that come with it.

As I trudge along, some things have definitely started happening. I notice some gaps in my thoughts. There are days where I am flowing peacefully. Even to have found this semblance of peace in a chaotic world makes me feel incredibly happy and grateful. Another thing I notice is my life has started becoming a much happier one. Drastic incidents or painful occurrences are becoming far and few, and most of the times, I am either neutral or feeling positive. This is a huge improvement from the upheaval that I used to go through earlier in my life. And the third, by just being where I am a lot of wonderful people and opportunities have started coming my way. I now have to learn to stop going out there looking for these and be in my center and allow them to come.

The journey of a seeker is a very sacred one. Not everyone has the courage to see themselves as they are. Not everyone can bear to bare themselves – beauty and ugliness – even to themselves. Yes, I undergo existential chaos. Yes, I seek a better life. Yes, I am immensely grateful for all that is and yes, something tells me I am doing okay.

ometimes you feel chaotic from within. There isn’t really a reason and your life might not necessarily be troublesome either. I believe this is an existential chaos; a seeker’s restlessness, thirst and yearning, to reach beyond where he or she already is. It is a chaos that leans towards needing clarity, deeper peace and a higher purpose. In short, it is a chaos that helps us create something.

Embracing the chaos

Years ago, I realised that we cannot escape ourselves. Ever. We can pause, distract ourselves with gadgets, and sometimes, even with goals. We can disguise existential chaos with relationships and other things in order to feel we have a purpose in life, but sooner or later this chaos, this wonder, this wanting catches up on us. These days, when I feel restless, I consciously observe the chaos within instead of distracting myself. Sometimes, I question myself and at other times, accept what’s going on. By doing so, I cut through the chaos.

So, what happens then? On some occasions, the peace floods in after a while, the mind tires out and the stream of consciousness engulfs me. I find my flow again. That being said, there are times when I don’t find peace. However, I accept the chaos and create something using it, just like I am doing right now, creating this column.

Treading on the seeker's path

Of all the roles I play in my life, I find being a seeker to be the most important. I want to find answers for myself and for others about how leading a better life is possible. I want to ask questions to my beloved Guru and sometimes just observe and absorb His silence. I think it is so special to be on this path of self-discovery and I am learning to embrace all the intermittent highs and lows that come with it.

As I trudge along, some things have definitely started happening. I notice some gaps in my thoughts. There are days where I am flowing peacefully. Even to have found this semblance of peace in a chaotic world makes me feel incredibly happy and grateful. 

Being in allowance

Another thing I notice is my life has started becoming a much happier one. Drastic incidents or painful occurrences are becoming far and few, and most of the times, I am either neutral or feeling positive. This is a huge improvement from the upheaval that I used to go through earlier in my life. And the third, by just being where I am, a lot of wonderful people and opportunities have started coming my way. I now have to learn to stop going out there looking for these and be in my center and allow them to come.

The journey of a seeker is a very sacred one. Not everyone has the courage to see themselves as they are. Not everyone can bear to bare themselves – beauty and ugliness – even to themselves. Yes, I undergo existential chaos. Yes, I seek a better life. Yes, I am immensely grateful for all that is and yes, something tells me I am doing okay.