From anger to assertiveness

From anger to assertiveness

From Anger to  Assertiveness 

In the process of  renovating her shop  and getting things  moving in a new  direction, Vanisha  Uppal confronts  her anger issues  and firmly applies  herself to resolving it  definitively 

It is an assigned job of the mind  to think, like any other function of our body. As we slow down, our attention goes to thoughts.  

What comes to the surface is inner  guilt, sadness and anger. Yes, mostly  negative emotions at first. 

When I took responsibility  of our family business –  comprising a stationery and  book shop – It was in a bad  shape, and bad working  condition, with mismanaged  stock, and no bank balance in  the shop’s account. Salesmen  and employees had taken  control of the shop after  papa’s death. If I asked for  any details from employees,  they replied rudely. To  improve even a small  thing, I had to indulge  in heated arguments. In  hyperventilating, I lost  control over the situation.Vanisha wanted to modernise her shop and bring new changes in it, which was met with resistance from her employees My mother suggested, “Just be there at the  shop peacefully. Let the things remain as they  are.” 

I thought, “Fine, why should I lose my peace  of mind if nobody is interested in improving  anything.” 

But it was not my nature. Salesmen continued  taking big orders from our shop by pleasing  shop employees. I felt something was wrong.  It was too difficult to hold back my anger. So,  I reacted, sometimes over-reacted. As a result,  all the salesmen and employees went against  me, and complained to my mother, “Why to  change things now?”. 

I decided to take care of one thing at a time,  and focus on renovating the shop. It took me  many months to convince my mother. Then I  took a loan from a friend, hired an architect  

friend and, after much resistance, was able  to give the shop the much-needed makeover.  Now everyone was enjoying working in a  comfortable, well-organised, beautifully  designed shop. 

The next challenge I undertook was to clear  out the old stock. With a strategic marketing  plan, I successfully liquidated merchandise  that had been in inventory for 10 years. 

I got encouraged and suggested to my mother  and employees, “Let us focus on those items  which are easy to manage and are more  profitable. We have to make space for them  and remove the less profitable items.” 

But no one wanted any more changes. I also  got rigid and stopped coming to the shop. Now  everyone was happy to get rid of me. But I  had already put a lot of energy into the shop. I  

52 LifePositive | JULY 2024 

missed working at it. I realised that I needed  the shop more than the shop needed me. But  it was difficult to let go of my ego. 

I did not go to the shop for two years. I was  struggling inside. Meanwhile, I observed the  world around me – how the other shop owners  deal with their employees and salesmen.  Often they dominated, criticised, and used  harsh language to control their workers. I  thought if men had to behave like this to get  the work done, how am I supposed to do it  being a lady? Then I saw the owner’s faces.  They looked stressed all the time. 

I didn’t want this to happen to me. There  must be a better way to get the job done.  Suddenly, one day after a meditation practice,  something changed within me. I accepted,  “Okay, anger is there in me. And my attitude  makes my life difficult.” 

I remained in that state of mind for many  days, tolerating myself, being in it and slowly  doing all the work. It was not easy, more like  killing myself, but one day suddenly I felt  light and happy out of nothing. I realised  that my whole life I had been trying hard to  change myself. Yet, this effort only served to  intensify my inner turmoil. 

I was torn between feeling angry, the guilt  over losing my temper as well as the feeling  that I shouldn’t get angry. At least now, I was  dealing with one conflict at a time. Guess  what? It was easier than I expected. 

A few days later, I went to buy a chair. The  owner of the shop was an old man and he  said, “My son does not want to work with me  in my shop. He says that he will only join me  if I let him improve this it and make it like  other modern shops. He calls my shop a junk  yard. But I prefer to work like this only. I  feel more comfortable and approachable to  common people”. 

At that moment, I understood his and my  mother’s point of view. I immediately called  up my mother and said, “I am coming to the  shop tomorrow.” 

She replied, “You are most welcome.” 

My Master also suggested to me to go through  every detail of the shop very slowly. I did the  same, and discovered many new things while  going through each purchase voucher very  slowly – what to buy and from where, which is  the best deal, what to stock and when etc. After  six months, the knowledge gave me clarity and  it became easy for me to explain to my mother  and our employees. I don’t know how to my  anger turned into firmness and clarity without  losing my inner peace. 

Mother said, “These details have been  overlooked for many years. I am happy you are  here, employees and salesmen stay in discipline  and respect you. The shop is making a profit.”

Vanisha Uppal has been a disciple of Kriya Yoga Master Per H Wibe,  for the last four years. She organises retreats for him in Ramgarh, Delhi  and Goa.