Hello I am the ego

Hello I am the ego

Ajay Kalra introduces us to our core raison d’être—our ego—which makes us believe that  we are the doer. But when we try to look for it sincerely, it disappears!

Hello, I am the Ego. The voice in your head that keeps  talking all the time.  

“The dishes need to be cleaned.” 

“When will I ever learn!” 

“What does he think of himself!” 

“I am better off being on my own.” 

“I need to heal myself.” 

“I am working on myself 

Yes, all these voices are me. Not just them,  

every single voice in your head is my voice. 

I make you believe that you are a person. A  

character in the story of your life. That you  

were born on a certain date, and have a name,  

a body, and a mind. I make you believe ‘I, the  

person, am real.’actually, I am just a voice in  your head. 

Like an operating system, I run different  programmes. Most of these programmes I  picked up when you were a child. These were  things elders told you to do. I added “I must”  in front of all these instructions. 

Ego is like that shadow that always follows you 

“I must work hard.” 

“I must do the right thing.” 

“I must be loving and kind.” 

“I must be strong.” 

“I must not waste time.”  

“I must be successful.” 

Sometimes, they didn’t say it. I just interpreted  that if I behave according to these programs, I  will get what I want. Which is mostly the love  and respect of others.  

I made you believe that these beliefs will help  you become the person you want to be. Oh yes,  that is the other thing I do. I make you believe  that you are not good enough. That you need  to do something to become a better version  of yourself. I keep you in a perpetual state  of doing, moving from one task to another.  Making you believe that life will be better if  ‘this’ gets done. Or if ‘this’ happened. I also  make you believe that if something didn’t  happen, your life will be worthless and futile. I  have convinced some people to even end their  life, making them believe that there is no hope  in the future. 

The Ego’s world 

I am the one that gives life meaning. A reason  to live. Something to look forward to. I am a  great storyteller. I love to tell stories. Tragic  stories. Heroic stories. Emotional stories.  Compelling stories. You name it. Every story  that you have heard is created by me. 

I live on concepts. Or one could say concepts  live through me. I take different forms: ideas,  beliefs, opinions, suggestions, principles,  morals, theories, dictums, and ideologies are  all me. I need an abstract form to exist. I create  these forms for my survival. 

In case you are thinking I am a bad person, it  is not you that is thinking that. I am thinking  that in you. You see, I do all the thinking.  Making you believe that you are doing it.  

I have created thoughts, words, and language.  Or thoughts, words, and language have created  me. It is difficult to say which has caused  what. But I love to find out what makes things  

Ego keeps you in constant bondage  

happen. What results in what. This is one of  my favourite pastimes: cause and effect.  

I love to label everything. Divide everything  into small pieces. Then analyse how these  pieces affect each other. I take great pride in  the scientific theories and inventions I have  created through this process. 

I am not heartless. I like ethics. Except that I  have a logical way to go about it. I like to debate  what is right and wrong before forming a  conclusion. I do not understand contradictions  and paradoxes. My favourite colours are black  and white. 

I am hardworking, put in effort, and live by the  rules. I look forward to results. I cannot understand  people who do not live like this. In case they  don’t, I make them feel guilty about it. I celebrate  achievements. 

Ego creates illusions 

I set goals and prepare myself to achieve these  goals. Yes, that is another thing about me. I am  always prepared and rehearsed. Sometimes I like  to confuse people by hiding in their impulsive  behaviour and calling it spontaneity.  

I make you believe that you are making a choice.  That you are taking actions based on your choice.  That you are living your life. That you are in  control. If someone questions this belief, I argue  vehemently because my very existence is based on  the notion of me being a person who has free will.  

I am even willing to kill and be killed if someone  questions what I believe. Or has beliefs contrary to  mine. I have caused all wars and conflicts. I make  you believe the enemy is out there. And if you get  rid of them, there will be a better future.  

I am invincible. Almost. 

My nemesis 

The only thing I cannot stand is to be watched.  Observed. You see, I survive through thoughts.  

If you start watching me then I cannot exist. All  thoughts vanish when I am watched. There is  Silence.  

But I am not really worried about this happening  because I know you are scared of Emptiness. You  need to know how to live and what to do. I provide  you with the program for that. So I am safe because  of your fear of Emptiness.  

What is emptiness? 

I don’t know. When it comes, I disappear. When  I disappear, you feel low and depressed. Because  you do not know how to exist without me. Without  hope, without meaning, without a sense of purpose. 

But I have heard some people have withstood the  fear of Emptiness and crossed over to the other  side. They have seen me. I can no longer hide in  their thoughts. They try to expose my identity to  others. But they are a small minority. So they do  not affect my existence. 

Since I am an operating system, I am passed on  from one generation to another. Each generation  upgrades me by adding its own programmes. But  the core programme remains the same. 

I am a separate person. I live life. I control life.  That’s me. The Ego. 

Who are you?

Ajay Kalra is a teacher of Advaita Vedanta. He endeavours to simplify the un derstanding, practice and application of the Philosophy of Oneness through his  online classes, workshops, writing and videos.