I understand

I understand

June 2023

When you tell someone “I understand,” it is a way of expressing your love and compassion,  much needed by the other in times of distress, says Megha Bajaj Itruly believe that the two most  powerful words we can ever tell  someone in a relationship are  these: ‘I understand.’ Sometimes,  these might be even more needed  than ‘I love you.’ Think about it.  When someone feels understood  in your presence, love is already  implied. And yet, there could be  people who know you love them but  still feel very ‘not understood’ in  the relationship. 

Empathy is so important for  each one of us to enjoy beautiful  relationships and peace of mind as  we interact with the world. I believe  it is something that we all need  to have ample amounts of, and it  needs to be taught in every school  much before anything else.  

I understand. These two words are  so healing to the soul no matter  what you are going through, be it  grief, a relationship loss, physical  trauma, or just any kind of blue  emotion. Someone just comes, holds  your hands, and says the magical  words, “I understand.” It’s not that  your pain goes away or that even a  solution is found. Nothing about  the situation may change, and yet  these words offer the strength to  either accept, change, or reverse  whatever it is that you are facing.  If you have had someone simply  understand you, you know the truth  in these words. 

‘I understand’ is not a phrase  only for tough times. Sometimes,  even as you are experiencing  immense love for someone and  they just look at you and tell you,  “I understand your love,” it makes  you feel so validated. If someone is  going through immense happiness  and instead of looking at them as  if they’ve gone crazy, you say, with  a gentle smile, “I understand,”  it adds so much to the moment.  These two words, coming at the  right time from someone who  matters, give a feeling of deep  reiteration. This could be true for  the biggest of successes and the  most devastating of failures—I  understand. 

Genuineness, of course, is the  most important thing in the realm  of emotions as well as expressions  borne from it. The moment we can  feel one with someone and then  utter these words, that’s when it  makes all the difference. Else it’s  simply a verbal vomit and does not  create any transformation. 

A beautiful nuance that I  discovered in a life-changing  satsang (spiritual gathering) with  my guru, Mahatria, is that we can  never ever completely understand  what the other is going through.  We can only understand what  we understand, and that too is  enough. For instance, if someone  is grieving the loss of a parent— and I do know how it feels, having  

lost my mother a year ago—I still  cannot comprehend in totality  the threshold of the other’s pain,  the relationship they shared,  or the intensity of loss. It’s too  individualistic. However, what I  can understand is what I felt (or  would feel) in a similar situation  and extend my empathy. Every once  in a while, I have started doing this:  Whenever another person is going  through a particular situation, I  already know how I am looking  at it from my point of view. I now  look at the same situation from that  person’s point of view, and it just  helps give me so much perspective.  I believe it has made me into a  more beautiful lover, a better  leader, and, in general, just a more  compassionate and peaceful human  being. Somehow, we have created  a world which is so preoccupied  with itself that very often, these two  simple words, ‘I understand,’ are  missed. In all possibility, in your  very home, right now, someone  is simply waiting for you to look  into their eyes and tell them, “I  understand.” 

Megha Bajaj is a bestselling author, film script writer and  poet.  An ardent seeker at heart, she also runs her online writing and  healing workshops called WoW.  

You can read more about her on  www.MeghaBajajWoW.com. 

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