Journey

Journey

February 2024

Giving up victimhood 

Shivi Verma says that one can stop playing the victim and let go of the hurt by coming to the understanding  that the ‘perpetrator’ is themself a victim of their circumstances 

Spirituality has many  benefits: it has the power to  eliminate suffering and put  things in the right perspective for  you.  

In the course of my life, I came  across many souls steeped in  deep darkness who caused me  immeasurable pain. Cruelty,  selfishness, arrogance, and greed  ruled and dictated their lives,  and for the most part, they were  unaware of the hurt they caused  others. 

Like everyone else, I used to get  terribly hurt and upset by abuse,  betrayal, rudeness, insensitivity,  and meanness. I would carry the  hurt and blame for a long time  in my heart. Though I never took  revenge, I found it very difficult to  forgive my wrongdoers. 

I realised that getting even with  them was not the solution. It  wasn’t going to open up their eyes  as a thick wall of ego prevented  them from seeing the error of  their ways. And fostering a sense  of inner illumination in them  was not in my power. I consoled  myself by thinking that, on dying,  it wasn’t possible for anyone to  escape facing their inner world.  They would be accountable for the  injury and hurt they inflicted on  others and would have to admit  their mistakes. 

However, I was far from forgiving  them. As I progressed, I realised  that my inner angst was keeping  me from growing spiritually and,  perhaps, even bringing about  similar experiences. Through Life  Positive workshops and plenty of  inner work, I was able to forgive  them. It gave me a great release  and freedom from negative  emotions. 

Now I feel that I am on a different  wavelength. Even if someone hurts  me or does something against me,  the intense sense of victimhood  doesn’t happen. A diffused vision  arises in its place showing me  that, basically, no one has ever  tried to hurt me ever. Everyone  was doing what they felt was the  right thing to do according to  their level of consciousness. Their  focus was on securing their own  interest or making themselves  happy and not on hurting me. In  fact, nobody has ever tried to hurt  me intentionally. They have acted  out of their own biases, prejudices,  weaknesses, and understanding of  life. I just happened to be there  at the receiving end. This doesn’t  mean that I continue to have cordial relations with them as  before. I learn my lessons and stop  trusting them, but my effort is  more towards knowing their inner  motivations which made them do  what they did.  

This also helps me to not retaliate  when I am being attacked by  someone. I often glide away  internally, watching the whole  scene from outside like a spectator.  I realise that my attacker has their  own reasons for behaving in an  unruly manner, which have very  little to do with me and everything  to do with their state of mind. 

This attitude requires great inner  honesty, where you are aware of  your inner integrity, sincerity, and  blamelessness in any situation.  When you know that your  intentions are pure and your  actions upright. If not, then you  become defensive and escalate the  situation further by arguing and  quarrelling.

Editor-in-Chief of Life Positive,  Shivi Verma is a devotee who found all her answers in loving  God passionately

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