My mother and others

My mother and others

Though plagued by relatives out to dissect her motherless  existence, Jamuna Rangachari nevertheless found herself  nourished by a network of mothers.  

Jamuna’s mother Lakshmi: Beauty with brains 

When I was just two, my mother Lakshmi passed away due to  unknown reasons. I was brought  up by my nani-nana (maternal grandparents),  aunts, and uncles. I must say I had a wonderful  childhood as everyone played a role in bringing  

me up, and in teaching me many things. The  problem was ‘the others.’ “Lakshmi’s daughter?” was the first question  people used to ask me whenever they met me  

anywhere in our family circle. Some would insensitively add, “She does not have her beauty  and colour, poor girl.” My mother was a classic  beauty in her youth. It is true that I looked  more like my father. Even so, there is nothing  wrong with my features, but having a dusky  complexion is inexcusable in South India. 

Even more than my looks, people dissected me and my life. Some showed compassion, but  most were unabashedly curious, surveying me  as if I were a character in a movie. This was the  reason I always avoided family functions, for  while I was just Jamuna to most people, to my  relatives at family functions, I was Jamuna, the  motherless girl. People I hardly knew wished  to take a picture with me, in a display of fake  compassion. I would just run away whenever  some unknown aunty wanted to pose for a  picture with me. To this, again, there would be  tuts and whispers.   

My mother was trained in classical music and  was a gold medallist from Delhi University.  Consequently, people would ask me to sing and  would feel I was not up to the mark, criticising  the raag (musical mode) and taal (rhythmic  pattern). So, very soon, I would just say that I  didn’t sing, when people asked me to do so at  family events.  

Jamuna Rangachari: Blessed with many mothers 

I do like singing. though, so I did sing, though  only in my friends circle and at home. In fact,  my nana, a renowned classical Carnatic music  singer, even composed simple songs for children  to make the genre accessible to all, and I was  very much a star singer with him. 

Meanwhile, I acquired a second mother when my  father married much later, and the next gossip  was about my poor stepmother, a nice lady who  

is a great friend of mine. She treated me just like  any other young girl, without fake sympathy or  drama. There were no issues there, much to the  disappointment of people who expected us to be at  loggerheads with each other. 

Another mother whom I had for a long time was my  late mother-in-law. She and I bonded very well  from day one, and as I had an early marriage,  she taught me many things about life and about  managing the house and children too.  

My mother-in-law was a truly compassionate  human being who often asked me to take a  break from house work, especially when I was  working in the software field when my children  were young. My husband was often away on  sailing as he was in the Indian Navy. She would  tell me to ask him to spend more time with the  children and help when he was at home, rare  for a mother-in-law. 

If there is one thing I have learnt from being  a motherless child, it is the difference between  real and fake concern. But perhaps what has held  me in greatest stead has been the experience of  always being looked after by a higher power.  It has filled me with hope and faith, and it  helped me to forge a real connection with all  my mothers, whether on earth or in heaven. 

Jamuna Rangachari, the former assistant editor of Life Positive, has authored  two books for children, and compiled and interpreted Teaching Stories-I and II  for Life Positive. Write to her at jamunarangachari@gmail.com