Self-discovery

Self-discovery

From FOMO to JOMO 

Weary of playing the falsity game, Sonali Nair comes to her senses and strips  of the veneer that was preventing her from living a happy, meaningful and  fulfilling life 

“True transformation is when your own past looks  like someone else’s past.” 

 —Mahatria 

Life is a journey and, en route, each one  of us goes through experiences. Most of  these are beautiful, and few are not so  good. Some experiences are repeated until we  learn the lessons they want to teach us. Once  we have learned the lessons, life knows that  we have mastered the art of overcoming such  situations and stops putting us through similar  ones while adding new experiences required for  our further evolution.  

As a child, I always felt the need to be wanted,  which grew bigger in my youth and then carried  over into my adulthood. I never realised that  in the process of trying to be important in the  lives of others and to be counted in the crowd,  I had learnt to fake it. I moved far away from  my original self. An imposter personality was  built, which even I started believing to be the  true ‘me’.  

People pleasing It began with giving up my likes and dislikes  and went on to prioritising others over myself,  compromising on my values, and at times, going  to extremes to not lose the relationship. All the  important things in my life took a back seat  because I placed others’ wants before mine. For  example, being born in a Marwari family, I was  never exposed to eggs, let alone non-vegetarian  food. But just to be part of the friend circle, I  tried eating eggs.  

The fear of missing out (FOMO) made me  so insecure in my own home (my body) that  I needed validation all the time. People’s  opinions mattered more than my gut feeling. I  tried everything to retain people in my life and,  in turn, to be retained by them. I thought that  doing all of this would make them love me, but  I was wrong. Honestly, it never worked. 

This made me feel victimised, not loved, and  lonely. Life seemed hard on me, and I couldn’t  stop complaining. All the time, I was trying to 

The fear of missing out made Sonali insecure and she needed validation all the time find someone to blame for my condition, until  one day when I heard my guru, Mahatria, say,  “Enough! Stop blaming the world and God for  everything. Grow up and take responsibility  for your life. You are the co-author of your  life. Own up and hold the pen. Write your own  story. You are the one who can define what you  want your life to be.”  

Mahatria asks people to take responsibility for their lives Taking charge of my life That day, I took the first step. I wrote down  all that I felt was disturbing me—what was not  okay in my life. Why was it not okay? I realised  how much energy I was wasting to be liked and  loved by others. The fact was that I did not love  myself enough. I rejected my own self so much  that it made others reject me. My journey of  accountability began, and I learnt to celebrate  myself as I was, changing my approach to life  and relationships.  

I learnt that the energy it takes to react to every  bad thing that happens to me drains me and  stops me from seeing the other good things in  life. Trying hard to ‘win’ anyone is just a waste  of time and energy, and it fills me with nothing  but emptiness. I didn’t need people to make  me feel that I was good enough. In fact, people  cannot make me feel good enough because  

Writing down her worries made Sonali take charge of her life their opinions will keep changing with time.  When I reacted to things that upset me, I  gave power to the other person’s emotions and  opinions. Not reacting doesn’t mean I’m okay  with things. It just means I’m choosing my  peace of mind, and I don’t need more drama.  I don’t need fights, arguments, and fake  connections. Sometimes, not saying anything  at all says everything. If there is trust in a  relationship, no explanation is required.  

No amount of people-pleasing will make them  love and respect me. It won’t magically change  their minds. Sometimes, it’s better to just let  things be. There is no need for conclusions  after every discussion. It’s okay to let people  be. No need to fight for closure; let it go. Don’t  ask for explanations, don’t chase answers, and  don’t expect people to understand where you  are coming from. 

Trying hard to ‘win’  anyone is just a waste  of time and energy, and  it fills me with nothing  but emptiness. I didn’t  

need people to make  me feel that I was good  enough. 

The joy of JOMO 

Today, I am in a state of complete JOMO  (joy of missing out). I choose where I  want my energy to go. I choose whom  I want to spend my time with. No one  can give me a complex or FOMO. I feel  complete unto myself. This does not  mean I don’t need people around me.  Of course, I do, but only those who fill  my life with positive energy and whom  I am able to vibe with. 

Things which bothered me or gave me FOMO  made me react in very drastic ways. I would get  upset, angry, or sad. It would bring me to tears  at the drop of a hat. I would start doubting  myself and feel guilty for my behaviour. I  always felt that I needed corrections. I was the  troublemaker. Today, when I own up to myself  and love myself, I see things from a different  perspective. 

Adopting a rational view 

I have a very rational, unbiased way of seeing  situations. For instance, if I am not invited to  a birthday party, to which I feel I should have  been, I smile and tell myself, “It was not meant  to be.” I don’t feel bad or left out anymore. I  also realise that people who love me will love  me as I am. With all my good and not-so-great  qualities. They will want to be with me and  share their time and happiness with me. They  will celebrate every small victory of mine.  Appreciation will come in various forms.  

We have to be very mindful of what and who  should have our time and energy. Life is  better lived when we don’t centre it on what’s  happening around us. Instead, when we focus  on what’s happening inside us, we start living  in awareness. When we work on ourselves and  our inner peace, we come to realise that not  reacting to every little thing that bothers us is  the first step to living a happy and healthy life. 

The higher my energy and vibration, the more  I am attracting people who are in the same  realm of maturity and spiritual growth as I am.  Your vibe attracts your tribe. I am so happy,  peaceful, and centred due to these small  changes in me.  

How about you? Ready for the journey from  FOMO to JOMO?  

Dr. Sonali Nair, a cosmetologist by profession who worked through her practice to lift  the spirit of humans especially women. , She contributed to the society through con ducting subject plus sessions in various schools and colleges in Pune for young adults to  develop their selfawareness, confidence and have a greater vision towards future.