The breath of life

The breath of life

November 2015

By Shivi Verma

Being in sync with her rhythmic breathing makes Shivi Verma feel centred and at home I felt like a misfit in every situation from the very beginning. I internally felt very different from most people, and wondered why others could not be like me or I like them. I often felt an invisible wall between myself and others, and could not comprehend what separated me from them internally. I longed for a place which was bursting with love, acceptance and celebration of who I was. I remember looking at a picture in one of my textbooks where children were shown running in the sky to a place which had God written on it. Even though I did not know anything about God I felt a strong yearning to be there. That mysterious place seemed to encompass all that I dreamed of, longed for and wanted. Home with parents and sister was definitely better than the outside world. There was unconditional love and acceptance. But no one seemed to have a convincing answer to my questions about life. Why did we have to feel hungry? If there was no hunger, all of us could do things we liked. Why did people want to prove themselves better than others? Why couldn’t they realise that deep down they were all the same? Alone times used to be worse. All the subconscious thoughts used to surface and attack me like a swarm of hovering mosquitoes, making me miserable. I was haunted by questions on the fundamentals of life. Everybody in my family would tell me that I was addicted to overthinking. “What do you keep thinking? Try thinking less.” used to be the general advice. I wanted to be in a place where I could feel at home. Where I felt rooted, and emotionally and mentally secure. Life, world and people bogged and unsettled me. Then one day the Divine tiptoed into my life. I was overjoyed. There was God up there who loved, guided, listened, answered and cared for me. But my honeymoon with God ended soon. There came a time when God as mentally perceived by me, stopped responding to my pleas. I panicked. After a torturous period with neither God nor concepts coming to my rescue, I gave up. I began to live moment to moment since there was nothing else to do. As the mind and its speculations calmed down, I noticed that I had begun to breathe more deeply. I realized that as long as I was in tune with my slowly rising and falling breath I was grounded in life. This breath and my attunement to it became my actual home. And so long as I was breathing deeply from my centre all was well within and without. This breath became my guide, God and safest home anywhere on Earth. Not only that every time I faltered, it would show me unfailingly. If a thought or an idea took me away from awareness of my rhythmic breathing, I was operating from the mind and unawareness and likely to commit errors. If I was aware of its inflow and outflow then there was nothing to worry about. The wall of separateness from people also began to crumble after this realisation. This rhythmic breathing has the power to harmonise your surroundings. I also discovered its other benefits. I stopped thinking of ideas to write about for the magazine. All I had to do was set the intention, breathe deeply and the idea would tumble out via the outgoing breath. In a recent workshop I attended, the facilitator said that breath was the hotline between you and God. I couldn’t agree more. “If caught in trying situation just focus on your breath, go deeper with it and ask for a solution,” she said. The breath had all the answers.

About the author: Deputy Editor with Life Positive, Shivi Verma is a devotee who found all her answers in loving God passionately.