The doctrine of detachment

The doctrine of detachment

October 2022
The doctrine of detachment 
Prof. AVR Rao advises us to live in the world with a sense of non-attachment  as taught by the Bhagavad Gita as well as other spiritual disciplines 

Being human beings, it is natural for  all of us to seek and have the feeling  of belonging. This can broadly take  two ways—connection and attachment. Both  of these arise from our desire and need to  belong. This desire is universal regardless  of the status or position of an individual. If  you see people who have attachment issues  and prefer loneliness, it is not because they  don’t like belonging but because they have  poor self-confidence, low self-esteem, or  unrealistic desires for a romantic relationship.  Some people choose to remain emotionally  
disconnected from anyone or anything, maybe  because of their past trauma, abuse, or negative  encounter. They cannot be open, frank, and  honest with anyone, be it a spouse or friend. 
We live in cities where people are detached  and distracted, and most of them feel isolated,  neglected, and alone. Routinely, we pass  them on the street and form ideas about their  condition but do not recognize their internal  pain and suffering. One of the main causes  of this loneliness is a lack of meaningful  connections.  
Connection and attachment 
Human connection may be understood as the  association between two individuals with a  high quality of interaction between them. It  is something that we may feel when someone  speaks to our heart regardless of whether it is a  stranger, a familiar person, or even a fictional  character. Quite often, we can experience this  at the very first encounter. When we feel we  belong to one another, our lives are stronger,  richer, more joyful, meaningful, and fulfilling.  
Connection is easier when we share a sense  of common ground, interests, pursuits, and  values with others who truly care about us.  To reap the positive benefits of connection,  we need to strive to find people amongst our  well-wishers, who can best meet our taste for  communication and affection, and also be that  person for others. Connection gives you power;  attachment sucks the life out of you.  
With regard to personal relationships,  attachment is an emotional bond while  connection is strictly a business conduit.  While connection involves no emotions and is  maintained to reap a gain, attachment involves  bonding and continues even if there is a loss.  Examples of connection and attachment are  a business transaction and a filial or conjugal  relationship respectively.  
Strong attachment involves holding on to  people or things dearly, as if you cannot live  without them or as if your very happiness and  existence depend on them. Attachment to your  parents, your wife, your husband, and your  best friend is commonplace. It takes longer to  begin and end. It is a feeling that you develop  with years of presence. At first, we develop  little attachments to each other, then as time,  opportunity, and trust develop, we allow  attachments to sink deeper into each other’s  souls. Normally, attachments have mutual  benefits. 
Attachment comes in various shapes and  shades, namely, in three categories: Physical  attachment includes an attachment to one’s  body, wealth, people, food, pets, and professions.  Mental attachment includes emotions, one’s  identity and family, religion, status, and  power. Spiritual attachment includes God,  spiritual leader, beliefs, tradition, culture, and  spiritual practices. Since this is a combination  of negative and positive features, one has to use  the utmost care in balancing, moderating, and  using them appropriately or even abandoning  some of them.  
Loving without attachment 
Some people are so afraid of loneliness that  they develop attachments in the wrong places  to wrong habits and people. They do not try to  understand the beauty of another alternative,  which is solitude. Well-practised solitude  brings assured happiness and contentment,  and shields us from the ill effects of loneliness.  
It is ideal to develop attachment without  expectations because attachments result in  breaking the soul if expectations are not  met. It is possible to be fully committed to  someone or something, without being attached  to them. You can avoid being dependent on  someone or something without being deeply  and emotionally connected. If we want to be  in a happy, supportive, loving, and meaningful  relationship, it would be much better to love  without attachment, not allowing the loved one  to control you. 
Vicious cycle of attachment 
There is a danger in attachment. When we  desire objects of the senses, it results in an  attachment to them. Lust arises and leads to  
anger. Anger leads to delusion, which causes  confusion, and it ultimately leads to loss of  discrimination. Lack of discrimination makes  us lose the ability to choose wisely, resulting  in wrong actions and a load of karma, resulting  in the continuation of the cycle of births and  deaths. The Bhagavad Gita beautifully explains  this process and has been widely commented  upon. Buddhism and many other religious  teachings resonate with this view. 
Detachment or non-attachment is a solution.  It means not to become enslaved to anything  but live like a lotus leaf in the waters of life,  without being touched or polluted by it. It  is living free from the encumbrances of life  and the attractions and distractions it has to  offer. This has to be achieved not passively  by running away from them but actively by  developing self-awareness and equanimity.  
Cultivating detachment 
Attachment is therefore a fundamental  problem, which can be resolved only by  cultivating non-attachment through the  practice of various disciplines. Here are some  suggestions to live a detached life despite living  with worldly distractions:  
• Abstain from your attachment to your  body and bodily cravings like food, clothes,  ornaments, and cosmetics. 
• Gradually give up attachments to possessions  like wealth, positions, status, groups,  relatives, and friends. 
• Start small, with petty things and habits, and  gradually scale up. 
• Start with temporary discontinuance from  cravings and habits, such as fasting once a  week.  
• Skip one or two get-togethers or recreational  programs once in a way.  
• Start observing your thoughts and actions  relating to your craving for recognition,  influence, dominance, and power. Look for  the real motives behind them.  
• Change your habits to maintain and enforce  perfection and discipline. Stop being a fault finder with others or even with yourself.  
• Reduce your material possessions. Start by  giving away things which you never use and  which simply occupy your storage space. 
The only recommended attachment is  attachment to our Creator, God. This equips us  to give up our attachment to material desires  and live happily. A steadfast attachment to  God and detachment from all else is the only  panacea for all our trials and tribulations in  life. The Bhagavad Gita is a treatise on the  various assured methods of attaining a state  of attachment to God and detachment from all  worldly activities. We need not look elsewhere. 

Prof AVR Rao is a former company executive who has worked with various  multi-national companies for over four decades. He holds double masters  degree in philosophy and business economics respectively, and is also a  teacher and freelance writer.