The loneliness of not being a person

The loneliness of not being a person

Novermber 2022

The loneliness of not being a person

By Ajay Kalra

As the identification with his mind  diminishes, Ajay Kalra realises that he is more  of an empty space  in which everything  

happens.

One can find contentment in just being, just existing 

I have a confession to make. I am no longer  a person. This may seem shocking to most  people. Or an invitation to be judged crazy.  But that is the truth. My Truth. Over a period  of time, particularly over the last two years, my  identification with my mind made identity has  diminished. I see myself more as the empty space  in which all happens. As though the attention  has shifted from the foreground of unconscious  thinking, to the background awareness in which  thinking occurs. In which everything happens.  

Before some of you start congratulating me on  realising my true self, let me tell you it’s lonely  not being a person. I cannot relate to most  of the conversations that go on around me.  People talking passionately about future goals  

and plans gives me a headache. So do people  discussing spiritual practices to achieve higher  states of realization. Discussions about self understanding, self-healing, learning from the  past, predictions for the future make me want to  run away.  

The only thing that interests me is what is  happening now. Or just being silent. But most  people are not interested in either. Most people  are interested in meaning making, hoping and  trying to do something to better their lives.  

When I dropped out of the corporate world I  thought I had become a minority. When I started  teaching mindfulness I thought I had become a  greater minority. But realising I am not a person,  has made me a minority among the minority.  

58 LifePositive | NOVEMBER 2022 

Not being a person does have its perquisites. The  chattering mind is silent most of the time. And  even if it chatters I don’t take it seriously. There is  great joy in being with nature. Just watching the  mountains, trees, clouds, mist and rain. There is  contentment in just being. Not necessarily doing  anything. Just existing.  

The only thing that saves me from utter loneliness  is listening or reading about people who have had  similar experiences. They speak of realising that  the separate self never existed in the first place.  That life is simply happening by itself. This is  also the primary thought of the two philosophies  I have been exposed to - Advaita and Buddhism. .  

The other thing I thoroughly enjoy is sharing this  experience in my online classes, which I recently  renamed from Mindful Living to Advaita Vedanta  Made Easy. Here I can be unabashedly myself.  Speak freely about not being a person. And  guiding others towards this simple realisation.  

“How does one stop being a person?”  

Well there is nothing one can do. Every doing  takes one away from being. And Being is where  Emptiness resides. Just as the wave cannot do  anything to become water. It is always water,  whether it realizes it or not. Having said that,  based on my experience, there are four things  one can do. 

First is to simply see things as they are. A thought  is a thought. A feeling is a feeling. A sensation  is a sensation. A tree is a tree. A chair is a chair.  In other words avoid personalizing, interpreting,  meaning making. Just because one smokes does  not make someone a smoker. It is the body  engaging in a certain behaviour. Smoking is  not good for health, is just a thought. “I am a  smoker. Smoking is not good for my health. I  must not smoke. I am no good. One day I will  give up smoking.” creates the person. 

Secondly avoid the lens of duality. Do away with  should and should not, dos and don’ts, right and  wrong. This disables us from seeing things just  the way they are. We tend to judge, analyze, and  moralize everything. We have strong opinions  of what is right and wrong, what should be  and should not be. The stronger our ideas and  beliefs the stronger our identification with being  a person. 

Thirdly stop finding causes behind why  something happens. If one gives up smoking.  That is just how it is. There is no reason  behind it. The mind’s favourite activity is  cause and effect. Things happen the way they  are happening each moment. Everything in  the Universe participates in the happening.  But the mind perceives a fragmented reality,  finds causes, assigns responsibility and learns  lessons. Think about it; if the sun did not rise  each morning nothing would ever happen. 

Finally don’t make decisions. Just allow each  moment to unfold into the next moment. Life is  unfolding. Just do what is obvious and needed  in the moment. It will naturally lead to the next  moment’s action. Use logic and rationale where  needed, but trust the state of not knowing more.  The silence will lead us to where it is meant to  take us. Live simply. Effortlessly. 

I have another confession to make.  

I am sharing these tips for a selfish reason. So  I can enjoy the company of more people who  are not a person. To make the minority grow. To  be able to communicate in the language not a  person people generally use.  

Silence. 

Or words that point to Silence.