The puzzle of relationships

The puzzle of relationships

April 2023

Toxic relationships also have their place in our life, says Shivi Verma. They test  our mettle, helping us tread the spiritual path resiliently with newfound insights 

Humans need relationships  

to survive. But their  capacity to give us joy is  directly proportional to the amount  of pain they can cause us. And no  matter how loving and sincere you  are in your relationships, there is  no guarantee that the other will  reciprocate in equal measure.  Often, the one you have deeply  trusted will hurt you badly, and  the one you have mostly ignored  will stand up for you in your hour  of need. 

Ironically, those who run away from  relationships due to the above mentioned reasons, hoping to find  their haven of peace in aloneness,  often find themselves craving the  presence of people in their lives.Yet  no matter how hard you try, there  can never be a perfectly harmonious  relationship between two or more  people. There shall always be  elements that irk, annoy, or create a  void in your heart with regard to the  other person in your life. However,  the same relationships also become  the barometer by which you can  mark your spiritual growth. 

Humans attach themselves to  the object of their affection. This  proclivity makes them lean on  the other and generates a lot of  expectations. We expect to be  treated equally, lovingly, and  

respectfully by those we are in  a relationship with. This isn’t  to say that our expectations are  wrong. We do deserve reciprocity,  but the universal grid is designed  to liberate us and make us  independent; not entrench us  further in maya where others  have the remote control of our  happiness. People who get cheated  in relationships (be they friendly,  filial, romantic, or marital) begin  to question themselves. Help  is sought from therapists, and  spiritual gurus to find out why  they have been let down by people  they had invested so much in.  This search leads them to excavate  deeply stored beliefs around  abandonment, guilt, not being  deserving of love, and the fear of  being alone. This also makes them  aware of their karmic debts, stored  anger, negative self-talk and world  view, weak boundaries, and the  need for external validation.The  healing work undertaken by them  to resolve these issues releases  them from the grip of energies that  attract toxic people in their lives.  They start hoping that now that  they are vibrating higher, they can  draw in the best and most reliable  people in their life. However, it  may not happen all the time. 

You may still find yourself amidst  negative people. Now if you are  

wondering why these people are  still in your life, the answer is this:  to test how much you have grown  through all the spiritual work  you have done. If you can stand  your ground, and not trade your  boundaries for love and acceptance,  not only will you get to enjoy the  bliss of detachment which one gets  only through divine grace, but you  will also be helping the other person  come to their senses. Bad behaviour  continues only if you enable it.  Your spiritual growth is not meant  to help you alone but to also help  others to grow. This happens to  make you realise that the most  reliable connection you have is with  your Higher Self. No matter how  chaotic your circumstances are, if  you are rooted in your Self, nobody  can snatch your happiness away. If  positive and fulfilling relationships  come into your life, you know how  to value and respect them, and  if they don’t, you know how to  enjoy your own company and not  compromise your self-respect for  a few breadcrumbs of appreciation  and affection. 

Editor of Life Positive, Shivi  Verma is a devotee who found  all her answers in loving God  passionately. 

We welcome your comments and suggestions on  this article. Mail us at editor@lifepositive.net