Formal versus informal

Formal versus informal

July 2023

Formal versus informal

Why do some people like the formal way and others the informal, asks Suma Varughese 

Over the years, I have come to  understand that I thrive in  an informal atmosphere and  feel suffocated in a formal one. To my mind, formality calls for  adherence to certain rules and  regulations. One is required to  dress a certain way, like the dress  codes stipulated at clubs or in the  corporate world. One is required to  behave in a certain way: etiquette  determines how loud your voice  should be, who you should talk to  and who not to, and how you should  sit, stand, and hold yourself. In a  formal society, you go to someone’s  house after taking an appointment,  never spontaneously. You eat at  a certain time, sleep at a certain  time, wake up at a certain time,  have tea at a certain time, and read  the paper at a certain time. To me,  formality means to doctor conduct  and environment, while informality  is free and easy. 

I like dressing informally. Oh yes,  I love wearing saris and drape  them when the occasion demands  it (weddings, special occasions,  even my own workshops), but my  regular attire would be the hassle free and comfortable combination  of tops and trousers. I would never  cross boundaries, but I do not want  to be told what to wear. I can never  imagine fitting myself into a suit  simply because that is the norm. I  can never imagine dressing down on  

a Friday simply because that is the  norm. What if I wanted to dress  down on a Wednesday instead?  I first realised this propensity of  mine when I had to give speeches  at formal dos and found myself  self-conscious and uncomfortable.  When I started my workshops,  though, I was utterly at ease. I  would reach out and welcome each  participant as they entered the  room and create an environment  of camaraderie. As one participant  said, it was more like a family  gathering than a workshop. Similarly, I am all for picnicking  rather than partying, for sitting  on the ground instead of sitting  on high perches, being part of an  intimate circle of friends instead  of a gathering of celebrities, no  matter how luminary. I recall  an incident that occurred while  editing my earlier magazine,  Society. The Mumbai-based  magazine group included a  Pune-city magazine, which had  organised a plush fashion show.  All editors were invited to the  event, and we were transported  to Pune in the first-class coach of  the Deccan Queen. Many juniors  in the advertising and marketing  department were also travelling in  the general compartment. When  we disembarked, my friends in  the advertising department asked  me how the journey had been.  

“Comfortable,” I said. “That’s  not the right answer,” said a high spirited girl. “What is?” I asked,  intrigued. “Fun,” she replied.  I thought about my journey.  Conversation had been desultory.  Most had withdrawn into books  or magazines. Clearly, the juniors  had got the better deal. So how  would I distinguish this propensity  for formality versus informality?  What does it hinge upon? I believe  informality appeals to those who are  guided by motives such as freedom,  self-expression, spontaneity, or  ease. They are also usually non conformists. Those who are drawn  to formality are guided by a love  for rules and order. Hierarchy  is important, and so is a certain  standard of behaviour. Impeccability  is of great importance, as well as  discipline and organisation. Society  needs both, the free-flowing non conformist and the perfectionistic  organiser. Perhaps the ideal is when  we can feel comfortable in both  milieus without feeling wrong or  artificial in either. When we are at  home in ourselves, we are at home  with the world. 

Suma Varughese is a teacher of words and wisdom. She broadcasts spiritual truths and a love for  writing in her various capacities as columnist,  writer, writing coach, and the founder-facilitator  of the popular Zen of Good Writing Course. She  is the former editor of Life Positive and Society  magazines. She has authored Travelling Light,  Travelling Lighter, and 50 Life Lessons. She can be  contacted at sumavarughese@gmail.com 

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