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• Personal Growth

March 2008

By Megha Bajaj

When I began to traverse on the spiritual road, I no longer knew who I was.

Sometimes I was a young confused girl of 22, other times I was a mature woman waiting to take the world head on, and very often I was a little child, afraid of the dark, afraid of the unknown, crying night after night for some security, some permanence in a world that seemed ever transient. I searched for that refuge in books, in gurus, and in various different spiritual practices. I finally stumbled upon an organisation called Alma Mater headed by my mentor Rajan, and nothing has been the same ever since.

Rajan takes Almanites on an eight-day spiritual camp. For me, the seventh day turned out to be life-transforming. It was the very first time I experienced Him. Not as a passing thought or a form, but as a realisation that no matter where I was, He was with me. Life, in fact, is a Him + me project. So, no matter how scary or challenging life seems now, ultimately, it will all end happily ever after. I felt drenched in an ocean of pure, protective love and enveloped in this, I was to lead life, discovering my human potential. The form, that is me, and the formless, that is Him, seemed to have united and life seemed to be just a cosmic dream that we are supposed to live – I realising the joy and peace of being with Him, and He realising all his earthly desires and potential through me.

From being someone who was always fearful of new ways and new thoughts, suddenly I began brimming over with the courage to try new things. New job offer? Why not give it a shot? New relationship? Let me see where it leads. Suddenly, life became more fun than fearful, more exciting than routine. A sunrise was no longer just another day – it was a reason to celebrate this beautiful dream called life.

Initially, I misunderstood my spiritual experience to mean that from now on there would be no challenges. So I was a little stunned when in a span of two years my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, there were some legal issues concerning my house, my elder sister was not finding her beau, and I developed a few alarming health issues. I wondered how there could be so much turmoil if God was by my side. However, I also recognised that even through these ripples there seemed to be a centre in the core of my being that was calm, composed, secure in the knowledge that everything would fall into place. With my limited vision, I could not see the wisdom behind these events. Often, in deep sleep, I would experience a white light flooding me with motherly love, telling me to wait, to grow, to use these experiences to transform and transcend.

As a family, we were able to conquer cancer, and it was one of the most life-changing experiences for us. Faith, I realised through this period, cannot be conditional. It is either there or it’s not there. Through the injections, painful chemotherapies, surgeries, we went ahead believing every minute that everything would be great. And it was. Had it not been for cancer, mom would not have discovered a confident self, brimming with life and laughter.

Home issues too were resolved as we dealt with the problems intuitively. We chose people to help us not always on merit and recommendation, but through our ‘gut feeling’. Today we live in a beautiful apartment – one much more comfortable than even our earlier flat.

In the same way, most of my health issues got sorted as I went to therapists who I intuitively felt could heal me. I also understood that a disease is nothing but the manifestation of some negative emotion or thought process, and while I treated the physical symptoms with external help, the spiritual ones were worked upon within through introspection and meditation.

My sister found the man she was looking for as she realised a simple spiritual law: there is a difference between waiting and waiting for. Waiting is peaceful, waiting for makes one restless. Earlier, my sister was waiting for, but soon she started just waiting, and her anxiety, restlessness, and frustration dropped. In days, she attracted the man of her dreams.

The word dvija in Sanskrit means one who is twice born. I am celebrating this new birth, this new realisation with such jubilation that almost every moment, every cell in my body seems to be humming to some melodious song of life.

Megha Bajaj is Assistant Editor of Life Positive and author of a book called Thank You, Cancer. She is also committed to empowering children through classes called Little Journalist and Open your mind.
Contact: megh83@hotmail.com