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• Personal Growth

July 2014

I was very happy on my achievement that day. A real woman, how could I be at peace without divulging the news to someone! And lo! the phone rang, much to my delight and I was my eloquent self. ''Look here, my article is on the web page... with my name mentioned on it!'', I screamed with joy. A few encouraging words could have cheered me, but the voice on the other side sounded more practical. ''Arre...'', replied my friend, ''that is fine but I think they must pay you more''. My airplane of happiness came crashing down in an instant. My thoughts drifted from the happiness of a considerable achievement to that of not receiving enough for my services! A little sad, I sat down on the dining chair and started wondering when I will possess what is called as 'enough' or what will make me feel and say, '' Yes, I have arrived at last.'' I looked around, my thoughts flipping through some of my past achievements and where I had landed after all the hard work. Was I successful? A duality of thoughts arose in my mind because I have always had this feeling of having done really well in all areas in life. I never wasted any time even as a teenager --- either I painted or sat for my classical music 'riaaz' for 2-3 hours at a stretch. I composed poems, wrote articles, was a champion of our club in table tennis and sang in All India Radio, Delhi. After my marriage, encouraged by my husband and mother, I completed my degree in Law and Masters in Human Righ

I was very happy on my achievement that day. A real woman, how could I be at peace without divulging the news to someone! And lo! the phone rang, much to my delight and I was my eloquent self.

”Look here, my article is on the web page… with my name mentioned on it!”, I screamed with joy. A few encouraging words could have cheered me, but the voice on the other side sounded more practical.

”Arre…”, replied my friend, ”that is fine but I think they must pay you more”.

My airplane of happiness came crashing down in an instant. My thoughts drifted from the happiness of a considerable achievement to that of not receiving enough for my services!

A little sad, I sat down on the dining chair and started wondering when I will possess what is called as ‘enough’ or what will make me feel and say, ” Yes, I have arrived at last.”

I looked around, my thoughts flipping through some of my past achievements and where I had landed after all the hard work. Was I successful? A duality of thoughts arose in my mind because I have always had this feeling of having done really well in all areas in life. I never wasted any time even as a teenager — either I painted or sat for my classical music ‘riaaz‘ for 2-3 hours at a stretch. I composed poems, wrote articles, was a champion of our club in table tennis and sang in All India Radio, Delhi. After my marriage, encouraged by my husband and mother, I completed my degree in Law and Masters in Human Rights. The more I learnt, the more I yearned to learn! So, next was a degree in computers which later landed me a decent job with an IT company — from the comforts of my home.

Deep into thinking, journeying down the memory lane, I still had this confusion about how I felt about myself and how others perceived me with my educational tags and achievements.

The next day when the phone rang, I could not wait to disclose it to my relative that I had given her the link to my recorded song on YouTube. I was elated and felt proud that even after 15 years of marriage, continuous studies and two lovely daughters later, I possessed what is called as ‘a practiced’ voice. I felt wonderful.

My relative responded, ”There are so many videos out there — more professionally made. Yours will be lost in the crowd… Well, just read Sunidhi Chauhan’s interview about her concerts abroad. You should have made it to Bollywood.”

I put down the receiver but my thoughts had by now drifted towards ‘lack’ in my life. The confusion arose because I was so happy with myself! A volley of questions cropped up in my mind. Why do others not acknowledge my achievements? Does learning computers mean that you become Bill Gates? Does singing mean that you will be considered successful only when you become a stalwart like Lata Mangeshkar? Or playing table tennis is worth it only if you play at the national level?

However, all this thinking made me realize that perhaps the problem lies not with me but with the others — their way of thinking. It made me conscious of the fact that we are always in the waiting queue… waiting for happiness, success, love and achievement, though where we are stationed right now may be the destination. May be, we have already arrived!

How many women continue with their vocation, especially music, even after many years into marriage? They complain about having to complete house hold chores and lack of time. So, if I had preserved my talents and honed my skills, it was indeed an achievement! I saw my neighbour rushing to catch the school van early in the morning, the sweeper cleaning the long road in front of our house and felt that I was lucky to be paid for working from home, with the delectable choice to complete my work at my will.
I looked around and saw only abundance around me. I was already in bliss actually — with a loving husband, intelligent daughters, good health, nice friends and a sincere maid who doesn’t take frequent leave!

Now I was happy, really happy — just as I was before. It dawned on me that most of us suffer from thoughts of ‘scarcity’ though we are living in ‘abundance’. A change in attitude of how we must derive happiness from the little things in life is enough to lead a happy life.

So, I had the answer at last. No one was to be blamed. Being in gratitude for all things in our day to day life — every little thing, was enough for happiness.

Hey! I thought, it is not that difficult to be happy after all! Once again I sat in bliss till I received another phone call from my distant relative.

”Did you say your daughter has scored full marks in Maths? No use if she fails to qualify for Engineering exams after the Boards.”

This time I thought it better not to reply for I had answered my own self! Now I was not waiting… and the present moment was such a beautiful time to be in peace and happiness!

ts. The more I learnt, the more I yearned to learn! So, next was a degree in computers which later landed me a decent job with an IT company --- from the comforts of my home. Deep into thinking, journeying down the memory lane, I still had this confusion about how I felt about myself and how others perceived me with my educational tags and achievements. The next day when the phone rang, I could not wait to disclose it to my relative that I had given her the link to my recorded song on YouTube. I was elated and felt proud that even after 15 years of marriage, continuous studies and two lovely daughters later, I possessed what is called as 'a practiced' voice. I felt wonderful. My relative responded, ''There are so many videos out there --- more professionally made. Yours will be lost in the crowd... Well, just read Sunidhi Chauhan's interview about her concerts abroad. You should have made it to Bollywood.'' I put down the receiver but my thoughts had by now drifted towards 'lack' in my life. The confusion arose because I was so happy with myself! A volley of questions cropped up in my mind. Why do others not acknowledge my achievements? Does learning computers mean that you become Bill Gates? Does singing mean that you will be considered successful only when you become a stalwart like Lata Mangeshkar? Or playing table tennis is worth it only if you play at the national level? However, all this thinking made me realize that perhaps the problem lies not with me but with the others --- their way of thinking. It made me conscious of the fact that we are always in the waiting queue... waiting for happiness, success, love and achievement, though where we are stationed right now may be the destination. May be, we have already arrived! How many women continue with their vocation, especially music, even after many years into marriage? They complain about having to complete house hold chores and lack of time. So, if I had preserved my talents and honed my skills, it was indeed an achievement! I saw my neighbour rushing to catch the school van early in the morning, the sweeper cleaning the long road in front of our house and felt that I was lucky to be paid for working from home, with the delectable choice to complete my work at my will. I looked around and saw only abundance around me. I was already in bliss actually --- with a loving husband, intelligent daughters, good health, nice friends and a sincere maid who doesn't take frequent leave! Now I was happy, really happy --- just as I was before. It dawned on me that most of us suffer from thoughts of 'scarcity' though we are living in 'abundance'. A change in attitude of how we must derive happiness from the little things in life is enough to lead a happy life. So, I had the answer at last. No one was to be blamed. Being in gratitude for all things in our day to day life --- every little thing, was enough for happiness. Hey! I thought, it is not that difficult to be happy after all! Once again I sat in bliss till I received another phone call from my distant relative. ''Did you say your daughter has scored full marks in Maths? No use if she fails to qualify for Engineering exams after the Boards.'' This time I thought it better not to reply for I had answered my own self! Now I was not waiting... and the present moment was such a beautiful time to be in peace and happiness!