Megha Bajaj says that what we feel about ourselves is important because it is that which will be reflected in our social behaviour
I hate you!” the young boy screamed and banged the phone.
Needless to say, I was taken aback.
I tried to trace the conversation in my mind. What, exactly, had happened? We were talking about his struggles with relationships and how he was suffering from low self-esteem. I expressed something, and suddenly the entire conversation boomeranged. He was talking about how much he disliked himself and, unexpectedly, he turned aggressive towards me.
His reaction triggered thoughts in me. And suddenly, the clouds parted, and the sun burst through. Aha! How you treat yourself is how you end up treating others. The innermost conversation that you have with yourself is the one you end up having with others. For the world outside is nothing but a mere reflection of the world within.
Have you noticed how, in the presence of a few, you just feel so beautiful about yourself? You flower, you flourish, you blossom. You feel like your best self. You feel like everything is possible. Achievable. No dream is impossible. Every cell seems to dance and come alive. Do you know why? In all probability, the other person feels this way about themself. They are whole. Complete unto themselves. Split-free. Flowing with the bliss of love. And when you come in contact with them, they spread this fragrance to you too.
Unfortunately, the opposite too is true. There are some people who are constantly questioning you, judging you, attempting to make you feel guilty. Why do they do that, you may wonder, not even knowing what you have done to irk them so. I now realise that they are not trying to be nasty to you. They are nasty to themselves. And how they treat themselves within is how they end up treating the world.
A person who expresses anger towards you all the time is angry with themself all the time. A person who inspires you all the time is inspired by life. A person who makes you very sad is troubled and sad within. A person who makes you giggle and laugh is bursting within with happiness. How we treat ourselves, in the deepest chambers of our being, is the way we treat people outside.
The great news is that even if someone is treating you in ways you do not like, you have a few choices to make. The first is very liberating. It is this realisation: This is their stuff, not mine. This leads you to feel empowered to change the course of action. The action could vary—from communication to persuasion, to expressing yourself, and to (in very extreme cases) even removing yourself from the situation.
I firmly believe that relationships are an opportunity to grow. To reflect on who we are and what we can be. It’s a chance to love more deeply than we ever have, to express in the most liberating ways, and experience profound moments where we actually feel merged not just with one another but with the Divine. My beloved guru, Mahatria, says, “To love and be loved is the most purifying of all experiences!” And each one of us deserves to love and be loved like that.
If you are struggling in one particular relationship, then the issue could possibly be with the other or you. However, if every relationship is a struggle, then there is something about your relationship with yourself that needs to be set right. Look within; see where the healing is needed. Let the love flow in and fill the gap.
One life is not enough for loving. So where is the time for anything else?
An award-winning author, film-script writer and poet, Megha is an eternal seeker at heart. She also empowers people to write and get published through her online writing workshop. You can read more on www.WonderofWords.org.
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