The most important relationship
Improving your relationship with yourself will enhance your relationships with others, finds Megha Bajaj
There are moments in my life when I get particularly insightful, and I get so excited! My entire consciousness expands. In those moments, I wish I had a way to announce this life-transforming insight to the whole world. (For now, at least let me begin with you.)
I was speaking to a few people this week, and each conversation somehow had something to do with relationships. Someone wasn’t peaceful because she felt her father loved her sister more. Another wasn’t happy because there was distrust between his son and him. Yet another young one was dealing with her very first break-up. I listened a lot and empathised even more.
I thought and wondered what would help these people. I slept with this question, and in the wee hours of the morning, it all clicked into place.
I realised that while some minor ego tussles and disagreements are natural in every relationship (in fact, in any situation where two people come together), the bigger ones happen when we don’t know with whom our most important relationship is.
I asked myself, and I realised that the most important relationship of my life is with my Source of Life, which I call God. I realised when one is deeply rooted in their sense of Self—which comes from their purpose, their ideas, their vision, their spiritual Source—they start seeing relationships as a beautiful addition, a beautiful journey where people come together to help them serve their destiny.
You stop seeing that nagging in-law, for instance, as a cause of stress and, instead, see her as an ally to help you grow in love and patience. You stop seeing the perfectionist boss as a troublemaker and see him as an opportunity to grow as a professional. You stop seeing the various so-called challenging relationships around you as stressful; rather, they become a cause for excitement, fun, and growth.
When the most important person in your life is someone else, you are asking for a lifetime of disturbance because the only person you can change is you. The moment your happiness, your sadness, your peace, your everything is in the other’s hand, you declare yourself powerless because you are indirectly saying, “If he acted favourably, I will be happy,” or “If she weren’t rude, I know I will find my peace.” The world is what the world is. You have little or no control over it. But you and your life (the God of your life) are completely in your hands, waiting to be shaped, moment by moment. The more and more we find a firm anchor in ourselves, the less and less we get overly disturbed by the people around us— no matter how close they are.
And I want to conclude with this paradox: The only way to get all the relationships of your life right is by first getting your relationship with yourself right. When you feel peaceful, powerful, purposeful within yourself (with no external props) you emit this into every relationship and come from a space of giving rather than needing. You become a solution-seeker and not a problem-finder. You find yourself enjoying a much greater flow with people around—because you are in a flow with yourself!
It’s a journey, this relationship with yourself. I know I am on it and loving every minute of it.
Whenever you get too disturbed by people around you, ask yourself this simple question: “Who is the most important person in your life?” In the answer, I hope you will find many answers.
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