AHA-MOMENTS
God & Me
Forging a bond with God has allowed Megha Bajaj to handle the ups and downs of life more gracefully
I love people. I love relationships. Simply put, I love to love, and be loved.
Little things are not little for me. I find myself mesmerised by a tiny gesture of unconditional love. A call where true conversation transpires means so much to me. A smile, with tears, says more than words ever can. I can keep smiling for hours, feeling one with my world.
With so much depth, there also comes sensitivity. When someone misunderstands my intention or judges me, especially if I hold them in a very special place in my heart- it causes tremendous hurt to me. I find myself numb and unable to move.
I would go into a mode of self-doubt: Why, after all this, did he say that? Why would she feel like this? Why did he do this? How do I handle it? It used to be paralyzing for me, as with deep love, there also comes deep hurt.
Relationships must be a source of celebration—not disturbance. And, if I am honest, most people love me much more than I can comprehend. Why then do I need to go through these ups and downs? Also, why do I need to explain or prove myself so much? Each of us are what we are-sometimes beautiful, sometimes not, sometimes giving, sometimes demanding, and everything in between. But I can anchor myself into something and not go through the negative emotions.
Somehow, I made a pact with God that day and said, “God, Life is going to be between you and me. First. And then with me and everything and everyone else.” God to me, is my inner world, my conscience, my best friend, the enlivening force, the one who is so close to me; He needs no explanations.
I started investing more time in my aloneness, feeling closer and closer to life in its entirety. Celebrating myself for all that I did right. Gently correcting myself where I went wrong. Growing in love, in respect, with me and in intimacy with God within me.
A beautiful thing happened. The more I had a healthy and beautiful relationship with God, the less anyone outside caused hurt in me. I could enjoy all the beautiful emotions of a relationship and yet not get bogged down by the expectations or explanations.
I realised I used to waste so much time explaining my actions or inactions to people. I stopped doing that and allowed my God within me to tell me if I am on the right path. Sometimes it does upset people, and that’s okay. The closer they get to me, they understand that even if my action is not to their liking, my heart is in the right place. And I wish to give this freedom to myself as well as others. None of us will ever be able to meet all expectations. I realised I would never be able to please everyone outside of me, but I could certainly feel very one with the God within me.
The God within me has become my compass to decide how I relate with the world. I simply sit, in silence, and ask questions that may be on my mind. I receive the most beautiful and pristine answers. Always.
The world outside will be fluid. Chaotic. Sometimes celebrating you. Sometimes questioning you. Sometimes so perfect. Sometimes so imperfect. Sometimes just what you want and sometimes far away from it. However, I realised I no longer need to go through all the mixed emotions or highs and lows. Rather, I can enjoy all the relationships by getting this one most important relationship built.
Which has been with me,
Within me,
From the time I was born.
And will walk the journey with me, till my last breath.
God & Me.
Megha Bajaj is a bestselling author, film script writer, and poet.
An ardent seeker at heart, she also runs her online writing and healing workshops called WoW. You can read more about her on www.MeghaBajajWoW.com.