October 2016 By Shivanya Yogmayaa The differences between illusionary love and real love are myriad. Your challenge as a conditioned being is to look past illusion, and make real love your priority and choice. Real love embraces the inner person and shows that person unconditional love and acceptance. It says, “I like and respect who you are inside.” It does not try to fix or change you to suit themselves. Real love does not react to others in your life with jealousy. It gives to you and feels good about giving to you, regardless of how much you give back. Free flow of love and freedom exists in ‘unconditional love’ which brings forth more intimacy. Real love acts honestly and forthrightly, even if it leads to suffering or end of relationship. Unconditional love in a relationship begins with loving oneself. It involves total acceptance of oneself before one can truly accept another for who they are. To set the foundation for a lasting, healthy relationship, you must first have a strong sense of self-esteem and self-confidence. This doesn’t mean you will never have emotional difficulties or that you won’t need support and extra attention at times. Unconditional love is the progressive awareness and understanding of each other without imposing your model of love. The secret of making your relationship work: Loving the other for the joy of loving, without thinking about getting anything in return Practising regular and open communication Being a good listener A willingness to calmly express concerns or hurts without the fear of judgement A willingness to communicate boundaries and respecting other’s boundaries too The ability to accept and even embrace personality differences and similarities A willingness to work on your own self-awareness Offering complete trust and commitment against all odds The ability to forgive and forget, especially when forgiveness is requested with a sincere desire to change Not playing mind games to manipulate another by withholding love, sex or money, to get what you want or need The desire to express your love with small daily actions and words The decision to let go of the ‘small stuff’ that might bug you and not nag the partner, but instead focus on the best aspects of your partner The willingness to show extra love and have patience when your partner is going through periods of difficulty, sadness, or disconnection, knowing it is a short-lived condition How do you know if you are experiencing real love? You will feel centred, peaceful, aware, still, beautiful, with no waves of highs and lows, nor fleeting emotions of excitement rising and falling. Author is a Relationship & Self Love Coach Contact Number: 8197108500 / 7261950450
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