By Megha Bajaj
If you focus on the ‘being’ part of you, the ‘doing’ will take care of itself, says the author
Aa chal ke tujhe, main le ke chaloon, ek aise gagan ke tale,
Jahan gham bhi na ho, aasoon bhi na ho, bas pyar hi pyar palle.
(Come, and I will take you, along with me, underneath a sky where there is no trace of sadness, no tears either, but only love, and more love)
The most profound memory that I have of my childhood is of my father playing the song written above for me. Whenever I would be troubled, he would take me on his lap, put the record on and gently hum along. I would smile, or be moved to tears each time I heard the song. As I grew up, I stopped listening to the song. I found it rather silly. There was college to attend, there were friends to make, there were points to prove. And in the crazy, quick, churning of adolescence, I forgot who I was. I became a ‘human doing’. I became all that I did. When I dressed for hours for a party, I became people conscious. When I pretended to be something I was not, I became emotionally insecure.
When I got married, I decided to take a break from work. “Human doing’ that I was, this time I was obsessed with doing everything to be the ideal wife and daughter-in-law. I did all I could to please my in-laws, and wondered, why at the end of the day I was displeased with myself? I would change my entire personality to suit that of my husband, and wonder why we were bickering more than ever. In effect, I was ‘doing’ everything right – but I was ‘being’ everything wrong. I didn’t know who I was, I didn’t know what I wanted from life, and I wondered why I was living.
It was only in a spiritual retreat that I found the answers. I was in a meditative state and the guru played the song, ‘aa chal ke tujhe…’ Suddenly, like lightning, answers struck. It was so obvious that I had missed it.
If I just focus on the ‘being’ part of me, the ‘doing’ will take care of itself. What makes me happy? Writing! Then I should find a career in that. When the ‘being’ within me is happy, the best of me comes forth in ‘doing’. What makes me feel good about myself? Being healthy. When I love the feeling of well-being, can I not do a fun routine to keep my body fit and select the right food? What makes me peaceful? Having good, stress-free relationships. Yes, then won’t I naturally let go of petty negative discordances, and instead, hold on to the thought that I will create beautiful moments for my loved ones?
I decided that each day I would focus on ‘being’. Before I involved myself in any activity – be it as simple as bathing or as challenging as caring for someone who is dying – I would ask myself what I would want to be rather than what I would want to do. I felt those little bubbles of happiness within me after years. I raised my hands in gratitude for this simple, but life-changing insight. Tears flowed incessantly. I didn’t even need to offer a prayer. For that moment, I had become the prayer.
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