Being present in the presence
October 2022
Being present with the presence
By Megha Bajaj
Megha Bajaj’s relationships with her guru and her mother have been symbiotically beneficial, helping her deepen her experience with them
Ask me about the two most divine and precious relationships of my life, and without batting an eyelid, I will say the ones with my guru, Mahatria, and my mother, Sunila Bajaj. The most beautiful thing is that, somehow, both these relationships have helped me get closer to one another in ways that are profound and life transforming. And today, I feel like sharing a part of my soul, and that’s probably going to take a lot of courage. Being vulnerable takes courage. Since I believe the purpose of my life is to go through experiences and share them with my readers through words, here I am.
My mother took me closer to Mahatria through faith. When she was diagnosed with stage 4, grade 4 brain cancer in 2013, I had no option (the medical fraternity gave us little hope) but to turn to spirituality. It was the first time I experienced choiceless faith. Unconditional faith. Irrational faith. Mahatria said that she would fight it through, and I had no option but to believe it, as I held on to her for dear life. She did fight it through and led the most beautiful, happy, dancing, travelling, and reaching-out life for nine years.
Mahatria brought me closer to my mother. Over the years, I learnt to relate to my guru, not just as a form—dressed in white, with white, curly hair, having a beard, twinkling eyes, and a divine smile—but as a presence. As I kept growing in my love for Him, experience by experience from a relationship, He became a connection. From having conversations, I found myself in communion with Him. From words, we moved to Silence. In a recent experience, when I was lost in an embrace with Him, I suddenly looked up and told Him, “You know, Mahatria, when I am alone, I feel exactly how I am feeling right now, as I am in such close proximity to you.” He smiled and asked, “When are you ever alone?”
Somehow, this little encounter was so important as it occurred just two months before we lost Mummy in her physical form. Suddenly, that frail, smiling lady with grey, brown eyes and a smile was no longer with us. Knowing how much she meant to me, I honestly thought I would go mad with grief and pain. But much to my surprise, I was able to move from the form version of her to the formless one, with effortless ease. I had already experienced it with Mahatria—moving from a person to a presence—and I simply had to do the same with Mummy.
I feel amazed at how peaceful I am in less than three months since she left. I feel her in everything. A beautiful moment happens, and I know she is hugging me. I feel hurt, and I know she is holding my head in her lap. Whatever happens, she is with me. Mahatria had already taught me how to transition from form to formless.
I wish I could tell every person out there who is going through the loss of a relationship due to death. It’s still there. The love. The memories. The beauty. The relationship. It’s just transitioned from form to formless. When I wanted to be with Mom earlier, I had to go to the other room. Now, I just have to close my eyes. In fact, I don’t even have to do that. She just is. A part of me. I need no validation from outside.
I am infinitely grateful to these two deepest loves of my life that served to bring me closer to each other. I feel like the chosen one, to experience love so deeply, so intimately, all the time. I wish I can be instrumental in helping those experiencing this.
Megha Bajaj is a bestselling author, film script writer, and poet. An ardent seeker at heart, she
also runs her online writing and healing workshops called WoW. You can read more about her on www.MeghaBajajWoW.com.
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