• In :
• Personal Growth

March 2024

Don’t fight back the tears

Navni Chawla explores why crying is important to us as human beings and how it can help alleviate our pain and suffering as well as bring us closer to God

“The wailing of broken hearts is the doorway to God.”

                                                                      —Rumi

Crying. It’s the first thing we do when we enter this world. Yet, as we grow up, it is something associated with shame and immaturity. Crying in public is considered embarrassing. It is seen as a weakness, and it makes people uncomfortable. We all have witnessed people apologising for crying in front of others. Crying is something to be done alone, by oneself, as per the common conditioning.

Emma McAdam, a licensed marriage and family therapist, shared in one of her interviews that although crying is seen as some sort of taboo, it is essential to our emotional journey in life. She also added that burying emotions and tears can have dangerous repercussions on one’s psyche. “There are a few ways to trick oneself into not crying, such as trying not to care, letting oneself go numb, trying not to think about the thing that’s making one sad, or getting angry instead. This is commonly seen with boys who have been shamed for crying. They’ll get mad, storm off, or isolate themselves instead of crying. And, in the long run, building walls around one’s emotions and suppressing them lessens one’s ability to care. It also lessens one’s ability to connect and feel joy,” shares Emma.

Therapeutic effects of crying

As a child, one can learn to force oneself not to cry, out of shame. It’s not considered ‘cool’ to cry in front of friends, and so they learn to hold it all in. But holding back tears comes at an emotional cost. One has to do something to suppress their emotions or stifle their feelings.

Nishtha Virmani, a 20-year-old philosophy student at MCM College, Chandigarh, shares, “At a basic level, trying not to cry gives me a headache. You have to clench your face to make those tears not come out. Now, I have found that, for me, just letting the tears flow gently and without struggling makes crying not that big a deal; it’s not that exhausting for me. It’s just like an outward expression of empathy and compassion for myself or others. I mean people talk about crying using words like “I broke down” or they apologise, saying “I am so sorry for crying.” But I see my ability to feel as a gift, as one of my strengths, and crying is one of the ways I express that strength. When I drop the struggle against it, I’m a lot more resilient and mentally strong in the long run. I feel lighter and clearer after a good cry.”

Incidentally, in Japan, some people have taken the idea of ‘a good cry’ to another level altogether. They regularly hold organised crying clubs. There’s a unique trend called ‘Rui-katsu,’ or ‘tear-seeking,’ or ‘crying therapy.’ Imagine a space where people gather to watch touching videos or participate in activities that tug at their heartstrings, all in pursuit of shedding a few therapeutic tears. It’s a fascinating way for individuals to release pent-up emotions, navigate societal pressures, and embrace the cathartic power of a good cry.

Crying has various therapeutic benefits, both physiological and psychological. When we cry, our bodies release stress hormones and toxins, promoting a sense of emotional and physical relief. It serves as a natural emotional outlet and detox, allowing individuals to express and process complex feelings that might be difficult to articulate verbally. In terms of the physiological aspects, tears contain stress hormones, and their release during crying can contribute to a feeling of catharsis.

A study done on a group of people who watched an emotional movie recorded that the mental state of those who cried while watching the movie was better than that of those who didn’t, after an hour of the climax. Crying is believed to reduce stress levels and promote a sense of emotional balance. Psychologically, crying can serve as a form of self-soothing. It allows individuals to externalise and confront their emotions, fostering a sense of emotional resilience. Suppressing emotions can lead to increased stress and tension, while crying provides a healthy release.

For example, someone experiencing overwhelming grief may find temporary alleviation of the emotional burden by allowing themselves to cry. The act of shedding tears becomes a means of acknowledging and processing the pain, paving the way for eventual healing and emotional growth. It’s important to note that the therapeutic effects of crying can vary among individuals, and with the cultural context, as seen in practices such as Rui-katsu in Japan. Such practices indicate a recognition of the positive impact that intentional crying can have on mental well-being.

Some therapists make a conscious choice to allow themselves to cry in the sessions with their clients, without feeling the burden of being a therapist or in a position of being a healer. Mirah Badaisha, a mental health coach at Counsel India, says, “There’s a misconception that there’s one group of people who are the healers and another group of people who are the sick; that there are people who have it all together and there are those who are messed up. This is untrue. We’re all works in progress. Being a therapist does not make me perfect. Yes, sure, I have studied and practised, and found some ways to guide people through their own journey, but I’m far from immune to emotions. So, I think it would be hypocritical of me to tell my clients, ‘It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to feel,’ if I didn’t allow myself the same privilege.” She also added that it’s important for a therapist to create a safe space where it’s okay to be vulnerable and emotional in order to helpfully process emotions. So, sometimes, even for therapists to jerk a tear or two is okay, because it’s AUTHENTIC; it’s a sign of strength, not weakness. Uncomfortable emotions aren’t bad; they too serve a function.

Crying and catharsis

Jordan Peterson, a renowned Canadian psychologist and author, says, “When people break down in tears, the tears dissolve them to the state of neurological plasticity that characterises early childhood so that they can learn. A lot of people don’t like that reversion as it is humiliating. But you have to break, that’s the cry. Crying is the indication that the current conceptual structure is insufficient, it has to die then the tears come, and now you are prepared to learn something new neurologically. That will replace the old, outdated ways of thinking and doing things with fresher and newer concepts.”

When we cry, we engage in a release of emotions that might have been suppressed or overlooked. Crying can often open new dimensions and horizons for people to perceive situations and people differently, probably from a more evolved point of view. This emotional release has the power to bring about a shift in our mental and emotional state, leading to several transformative effects:

1. Emotional catharsis: Crying allows for a cathartic release of built-up emotions, providing a sense of relief and lightness. It can be a powerful mechanism for cleansing the mind and soul from the burdens of stress, sadness, or frustration.
2. Increased self-awareness: The act of crying often accompanies a deep introspection into one’s emotions and triggers. This self-awareness can be a catalyst for personal growth, helping individuals understand themselves better and make positive changes in their lives.
3. Empathy: Crying fosters a sense of empathy, both towards oneself and others. It opens a pathway to understanding and compassion, strengthening social bonds and relationships.
4. Stress reduction: Crying triggers the release of stress hormones, contributing to a physiological relaxation response. This can lead to a reduction in stress levels, promoting overall well-being.
5. Spiritual and transcendent moments: In certain contexts, such as spiritual practices or intentional crying therapy, shedding tears is believed to have a transcendental quality. It can provide a shift in consciousness, fostering a connection with the spiritual dimension and promoting a sense of inner peace.

Ultimately, crying acts as a profound emotional release that can lead to shifts in perception, increased self-awareness, and a renewed perspective on life. It allows individuals to navigate their emotional landscapes, promoting personal growth and a broader understanding of themselves and the world around them.

Devotional aspect of crying

Jagadguruttam Shri Kripaluji Maharaj, a God-realised saint, repeats in his lectures (in his powerful style of speaking, which can shake you up) time and again, “Only crying can cleanse your conscience, remember that.” There is a sentence in one of Kabirji’s dohas, or couplets: बिन रोये किन पाइया, प्रेम प्यारो मीत॥, which means, ‘Who has ever attained their beloved God without shedding tears of longing?’

 Kripaluji Maharaj also says, “If you cry and plead to Lord Shri Ram, he will run and come to you. When you become innocent and pure, when you discard all the burden of your knowledge and self-righteousness, when you know yourself as nothing in front of the mighty Lord, when tears flow like river streams, then the inner self will be purified, and the grace of the saints and gurus will dawn upon you. It is then that you meet Lord Ram’s love and eternal bliss.” Crying in front of God to unite with Him holds a subtle significance on the path of devotion. Even the prayers said while crying to the Lord are very powerful.

In various religious and spiritual traditions, crying is often seen as a means of connecting with the Divine or attaining a higher level of spiritual consciousness. The significance of crying in these contexts can be multifaceted. It symbolises a sense of surrender and humility before a higher power. It is also an acknowledgement of one’s vulnerability and a plea for divine guidance, mercy, or intervention.

Crying is viewed as a way to purify the soul and release pent-up emotions. By shedding tears, individuals seek spiritual cleansing and aspire to let go of worldly attachments that may hinder their connection with the Divine. Tears are often considered a sincere form of prayer or supplication. When individuals cry in a religious or spiritual context, it’s a heartfelt expression of their desires, regrets, or gratitude to the Divine.

Crying is associated with compassion and empathy, and may signify a deep understanding of the suffering of others, prompting a desire to alleviate it through acts of kindness and devotion.

An anonymous poetic reflection on the same goes, “In the delicate tapestry of spiritual devotion, tears emerge as glistening threads, weaving an intricate connection between the earthly soul and the Divine. They are the eloquent whispers of the heart, expressing a profound longing for communion with the sacred. As one bows in humility, tears become sacred offerings, cleansing the spirit like gentle rain on a parched land. In moments of intense prayer, these tears are more than drops; they are liquid hymns, carrying the weight of unspoken desires, regrets, and gratitude. Each teardrop is a testament to the vulnerability of the seeker, a testament to the earnest yearning to be embraced by the divine presence. Through tears, the soul embarks on a journey of purification, transcending the mundane to touch the ethereal. In the sanctuary of devotion, tears are the language of the heart, eloquently spoken in the silent dialogue between mortal and immortal realms.”

Can crying be manipulative?

A less heartwarming theory emphasises the role of tears in manipulating others. Rudra Vij, 35, a wellness expert, says, “We learn early on that crying has a tremendously powerful effect on other people. Crying can even neutralise anger very quickly, making an instant impact.” This is the reason he believes crying is so integral to fights between lovers, specifically when someone feels guilty and they seek their partner’s forgiveness.

While crying is a genuine and often involuntary emotional response, it is important to recognise that, in some situations, individuals might attempt to use tears as a manipulative tool. Here are various aspects to consider:

1. Victimhood strategy: Some individuals may employ tears to cast themselves as victims, aiming to garner sympathy or support from others. By doing so, they hope to manipulate perceptions and elicit a specific response from those around them.
2. Guilt induction: Tears can be used to induce guilt in others. By crying, an individual may try to make others feel responsible for their emotional state, coercing them into conforming to certain expectations or behaviours.
3. Avoiding accountability: Crying can be a tactic to divert attention from one’s actions or responsibilities. It may create a distraction, making it challenging for others to address the real issues at hand.
4. Emotional control: Some individuals may use tears as a means of controlling the emotional atmosphere in a situation. By crying, they can potentially manipulate the dynamics of a conversation or interaction to suit their objectives.

It’s crucial to approach situations with empathy and discernment. While many instances of crying are genuine expressions of emotion, being aware of the potential for manipulation can help individuals navigate relationships and social dynamics more effectively. Understanding the context and patterns of behaviour, and considering the broader situation are essential in distinguishing between authentic emotional expression and manipulative tactics involving tears.

Why do we weep?

Charles Darwin, the renowned British naturalist and the father of evolutionary theory, had once declared that emotional tears are “meaningless” and “purposeless,” and nearly 150 years later, emotional crying is one of the human body’s bewildering mysteries. Though some species shed tears reflexively as a result of pain or discomfort, humans are the only creatures whose tears can be triggered by their feelings. In babies, tears have the obvious and critical role of drawing attention and care from adults. But what about grown-ups? That’s a bit foggy. It’s plain that strong emotions trigger them, but why?

Crying could be more than a symptom of sadness. It’s set off by a range of feelings—from empathy, joy, and surprise to anger, guilt, and grief—and unlike the butterflies that flap around invisibly when we’re in love, tears are a real manifestation that others can see with their eyes. It is also found that the viscosity of tears that come from feelings is different from that of the others, say, the tears that come from chopping onions. Tears usually contain metabolites, lipids, enzymes, and electrolytes. However, emotional tears have more protein. Being chemically different and thicker, they stick to the skin more and flow down the face slowly, hence being more visible.

This means Nature wants these tears to be seen by others. 

Darwin wasn’t the only one who had strong opinions about why human beings weep. Since 1,500 B.C., for centuries, people thought tears originated in the heart; the Old Testament describes tears as the consequence of the heart’s material weakening and turning into water.

Finally, in 1662, a Danish scientist named Niels Stensen uncovered the mystery of tears saying that the lacrimal gland was the proper origin point of tears. According to scientists, the possible evolutionary benefit of the fluid that springs from the eye was simply a way to keep the eyes moist.

Tears do not emerge only out of sadness. There are tears of joy too. Tears of joy happen when we’re overwhelmingly happy or moved, expressing our delight. It is the heart’s way of expressing overflowing happiness. Tears of gratitude, on the other hand, are shed to show appreciation for kindness or blessings. Both types of tears convey deep emotions, whether it’s pure joy or a heartfelt sense of thankfulness.

Can crying foster connection?

As inferred above, tears are meant to be seen by others, which means they are tools to connect with others and unburden our emotions by sharing them. Evidence supports that crying stirs up social bonding and human connection. Even though people get physically and emotionally more capable as they mature, grown-ups never escape or age out of the occasional bouts of helplessness. “Crying signals to yourself and other people that there’s some important problem that is at least temporarily beyond your ability to cope,” says Jonathan Rottenberg, an emotion researcher and professor of psychology at the University of South Florida.

Ever since we were babies, we were wired to mirror each other’s emotions. And this is a huge source of connection. Tears are an outward sign of inner pain. Why do we need an outward sign? Why does sadness make our tear ducts open? So that we can communicate, connect, and support each other. When someone talks to you about a painful situation in their life, like losing a child or the struggle with their mental health, and if you are a sensitive person, then there’s a good chance that you will cry with them. In a way, you are mirroring their nervous system. But that does not necessarily mean that you might know how to deal with it or what to tell the person in pain to help them entirely.

This is where therapy comes in. When someone is very uprooted because of a disruptive event in their life, then they must seek therapy or professional help. Because a professional, along with empathising, will create a state or an environment where they can help to regulate the nervous system of the affected person through their experience, skill, and education.

It is also worth noting that it’s not wise to cry in front of anyone and everyone as there are people who can make a mockery out of your misery, enjoy your situation while perceiving it as drama, and gossip about it later. They don’t have an ounce of compassion as to how real that pain could be for you. So, it’s important to guard yourself from such people. It’s important to discriminate between safe spaces (safe and well-meaning people, such as close family, friends, or p

Don’t fight back the tears

Navni Chawla explores why crying is important to us as human beings and how it can help alleviate our pain and suffering as well as bring us closer to God

“The wailing of broken hearts is the doorway to God.”

                                                                      —Rumi

Crying. It’s the first thing we do when we enter this world. Yet, as we grow up, it is something associated with shame and immaturity. Crying in public is considered embarrassing. It is seen as a weakness, and it makes people uncomfortable. We all have witnessed people apologising for crying in front of others. Crying is something to be done alone, by oneself, as per the common conditioning.

Emma McAdam, a licensed marriage and family therapist, shared in one of her interviews that although crying is seen as some sort of taboo, it is essential to our emotional journey in life. She also added that burying emotions and tears can have dangerous repercussions on one’s psyche. “There are a few ways to trick oneself into not crying, such as trying not to care, letting oneself go numb, trying not to think about the thing that’s making one sad, or getting angry instead. This is commonly seen with boys who have been shamed for crying. They’ll get mad, storm off, or isolate themselves instead of crying. And, in the long run, building walls around one’s emotions and suppressing them lessens one’s ability to care. It also lessens one’s ability to connect and feel joy,” shares Emma.

Therapeutic effects of crying

As a child, one can learn to force oneself not to cry, out of shame. It’s not considered ‘cool’ to cry in front of friends, and so they learn to hold it all in. But holding back tears comes at an emotional cost. One has to do something to suppress their emotions or stifle their feelings.

Nishtha Virmani, a 20-year-old philosophy student at MCM College, Chandigarh, shares, “At a basic level, trying not to cry gives me a headache. You have to clench your face to make those tears not come out. Now, I have found that, for me, just letting the tears flow gently and without struggling makes crying not that big a deal; it’s not that exhausting for me. It’s just like an outward expression of empathy and compassion for myself or others. I mean people talk about crying using words like “I broke down” or they apologise, saying “I am so sorry for crying.” But I see my ability to feel as a gift, as one of my strengths, and crying is one of the ways I express that strength. When I drop the struggle against it, I’m a lot more resilient and mentally strong in the long run. I feel lighter and clearer after a good cry.”

Incidentally, in Japan, some people have taken the idea of ‘a good cry’ to another level altogether. They regularly hold organised crying clubs. There’s a unique trend called ‘Rui-katsu,’ or ‘tear-seeking,’ or ‘crying therapy.’ Imagine a space where people gather to watch touching videos or participate in activities that tug at their heartstrings, all in pursuit of shedding a few therapeutic tears. It’s a fascinating way for individuals to release pent-up emotions, navigate societal pressures, and embrace the cathartic power of a good cry.

Crying has various therapeutic benefits, both physiological and psychological. When we cry, our bodies release stress hormones and toxins, promoting a sense of emotional and physical relief. It serves as a natural emotional outlet and detox, allowing individuals to express and process complex feelings that might be difficult to articulate verbally. In terms of the physiological aspects, tears contain stress hormones, and their release during crying can contribute to a feeling of catharsis.

A study done on a group of people who watched an emotional movie recorded that the mental state of those who cried while watching the movie was better than that of those who didn’t, after an hour of the climax. Crying is believed to reduce stress levels and promote a sense of emotional balance. Psychologically, crying can serve as a form of self-soothing. It allows individuals to externalise and confront their emotions, fostering a sense of emotional resilience. Suppressing emotions can lead to increased stress and tension, while crying provides a healthy release.

For example, someone experiencing overwhelming grief may find temporary alleviation of the emotional burden by allowing themselves to cry. The act of shedding tears becomes a means of acknowledging and processing the pain, paving the way for eventual healing and emotional growth. It’s important to note that the therapeutic effects of crying can vary among individuals, and with the cultural context, as seen in practices such as Rui-katsu in Japan. Such practices indicate a recognition of the positive impact that intentional crying can have on mental well-being.

Some therapists make a conscious choice to allow themselves to cry in the sessions with their clients, without feeling the burden of being a therapist or in a position of being a healer. Mirah Badaisha, a mental health coach at Counsel India, says, “There’s a misconception that there’s one group of people who are the healers and another group of people who are the sick; that there are people who have it all together and there are those who are messed up. This is untrue. We’re all works in progress. Being a therapist does not make me perfect. Yes, sure, I have studied and practised, and found some ways to guide people through their own journey, but I’m far from immune to emotions. So, I think it would be hypocritical of me to tell my clients, ‘It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to feel,’ if I didn’t allow myself the same privilege.” She also added that it’s important for a therapist to create a safe space where it’s okay to be vulnerable and emotional in order to helpfully process emotions. So, sometimes, even for therapists to jerk a tear or two is okay, because it’s AUTHENTIC; it’s a sign of strength, not weakness. Uncomfortable emotions aren’t bad; they too serve a function.

Crying and catharsis

Jordan Peterson, a renowned Canadian psychologist and author, says, “When people break down in tears, the tears dissolve them to the state of neurological plasticity that characterises early childhood so that they can learn. A lot of people don’t like that reversion as it is humiliating. But you have to break, that’s the cry. Crying is the indication that the current conceptual structure is insufficient, it has to die then the tears come, and now you are prepared to learn something new neurologically. That will replace the old, outdated ways of thinking and doing things with fresher and newer concepts.”

When we cry, we engage in a release of emotions that might have been suppressed or overlooked. Crying can often open new dimensions and horizons for people to perceive situations and people differently, probably from a more evolved point of view. This emotional release has the power to bring about a shift in our mental and emotional state, leading to several transformative effects:

1. Emotional catharsis: Crying allows for a cathartic release of built-up emotions, providing a sense of relief and lightness. It can be a powerful mechanism for cleansing the mind and soul from the burdens of stress, sadness, or frustration.
2. Increased self-awareness: The act of crying often accompanies a deep introspection into one’s emotions and triggers. This self-awareness can be a catalyst for personal growth, helping individuals understand themselves better and make positive changes in their lives.
3. Empathy: Crying fosters a sense of empathy, both towards oneself and others. It opens a pathway to understanding and compassion, strengthening social bonds and relationships.
4. Stress reduction: Crying triggers the release of stress hormones, contributing to a physiological relaxation response. This can lead to a reduction in stress levels, promoting overall well-being.
5. Spiritual and transcendent moments: In certain contexts, such as spiritual practices or intentional crying therapy, shedding tears is believed to have a transcendental quality. It can provide a shift in consciousness, fostering a connection with the spiritual dimension and promoting a sense of inner peace.

Ultimately, crying acts as a profound emotional release that can lead to shifts in perception, increased self-awareness, and a renewed perspective on life. It allows individuals to navigate their emotional landscapes, promoting personal growth and a broader understanding of themselves and the world around them.

Devotional aspect of crying

Jagadguruttam Shri Kripaluji Maharaj, a God-realised saint, repeats in his lectures (in his powerful style of speaking, which can shake you up) time and again, “Only crying can cleanse your conscience, remember that.” There is a sentence in one of Kabirji’s dohas, or couplets: बिन रोये किन पाइया, प्रेम प्यारो मीत॥, which means, ‘Who has ever attained their beloved God without shedding tears of longing?’

 Kripaluji Maharaj also says, “If you cry and plead to Lord Shri Ram, he will run and come to you. When you become innocent and pure, when you discard all the burden of your knowledge and self-righteousness, when you know yourself as nothing in front of the mighty Lord, when tears flow like river streams, then the inner self will be purified, and the grace of the saints and gurus will dawn upon you. It is then that you meet Lord Ram’s love and eternal bliss.” Crying in front of God to unite with Him holds a subtle significance on the path of devotion. Even the prayers said while crying to the Lord are very powerful.

In various religious and spiritual traditions, crying is often seen as a means of connecting with the Divine or attaining a higher level of spiritual consciousness. The significance of crying in these contexts can be multifaceted. It symbolises a sense of surrender and humility before a higher power. It is also an acknowledgement of one’s vulnerability and a plea for divine guidance, mercy, or intervention.

Crying is viewed as a way to purify the soul and release pent-up emotions. By shedding tears, individuals seek spiritual cleansing and aspire to let go of worldly attachments that may hinder their connection with the Divine. Tears are often considered a sincere form of prayer or supplication. When individuals cry in a religious or spiritual context, it’s a heartfelt expression of their desires, regrets, or gratitude to the Divine.

Crying is associated with compassion and empathy, and may signify a deep understanding of the suffering of others, prompting a desire to alleviate it through acts of kindness and devotion.

An anonymous poetic reflection on the same goes, “In the delicate tapestry of spiritual devotion, tears emerge as glistening threads, weaving an intricate connection between the earthly soul and the Divine. They are the eloquent whispers of the heart, expressing a profound longing for communion with the sacred. As one bows in humility, tears become sacred offerings, cleansing the spirit like gentle rain on a parched land. In moments of intense prayer, these tears are more than drops; they are liquid hymns, carrying the weight of unspoken desires, regrets, and gratitude. Each teardrop is a testament to the vulnerability of the seeker, a testament to the earnest yearning to be embraced by the divine presence. Through tears, the soul embarks on a journey of purification, transcending the mundane to touch the ethereal. In the sanctuary of devotion, tears are the language of the heart, eloquently spoken in the silent dialogue between mortal and immortal realms.”

Can crying be manipulative?

A less heartwarming theory emphasises the role of tears in manipulating others. Rudra Vij, 35, a wellness expert, says, “We learn early on that crying has a tremendously powerful effect on other people. Crying can even neutralise anger very quickly, making an instant impact.” This is the reason he believes crying is so integral to fights between lovers, specifically when someone feels guilty and they seek their partner’s forgiveness.

While crying is a genuine and often involuntary emotional response, it is important to recognise that, in some situations, individuals might attempt to use tears as a manipulative tool. Here are various aspects to consider:

1. Victimhood strategy: Some individuals may employ tears to cast themselves as victims, aiming to garner sympathy or support from others. By doing so, they hope to manipulate perceptions and elicit a specific response from those around them.
2. Guilt induction: Tears can be used to induce guilt in others. By crying, an individual may try to make others feel responsible for their emotional state, coercing them into conforming to certain expectations or behaviours.
3. Avoiding accountability: Crying can be a tactic to divert attention from one’s actions or responsibilities. It may create a distraction, making it challenging for others to address the real issues at hand.
4. Emotional control: Some individuals may use tears as a means of controlling the emotional atmosphere in a situation. By crying, they can potentially manipulate the dynamics of a conversation or interaction to suit their objectives.

It’s crucial to approach situations with empathy and discernment. While many instances of crying are genuine expressions of emotion, being aware of the potential for manipulation can help individuals navigate relationships and social dynamics more effectively. Understanding the context and patterns of behaviour, and considering the broader situation are essential in distinguishing between authentic emotional expression and manipulative tactics involving tears.

Why do we weep?

Charles Darwin, the renowned British naturalist and the father of evolutionary theory, had once declared that emotional tears are “meaningless” and “purposeless,” and nearly 150 years later, emotional crying is one of the human body’s bewildering mysteries. Though some species shed tears reflexively as a result of pain or discomfort, humans are the only creatures whose tears can be triggered by their feelings. In babies, tears have the obvious and critical role of drawing attention and care from adults. But what about grown-ups? That’s a bit foggy. It’s plain that strong emotions trigger them, but why?

Crying could be more than a symptom of sadness. It’s set off by a range of feelings—from empathy, joy, and surprise to anger, guilt, and grief—and unlike the butterflies that flap around invisibly when we’re in love, tears are a real manifestation that others can see with their eyes. It is also found that the viscosity of tears that come from feelings is different from that of the others, say, the tears that come from chopping onions. Tears usually contain metabolites, lipids, enzymes, and electrolytes. However, emotional tears have more protein. Being chemically different and thicker, they stick to the skin more and flow down the face slowly, hence being more visible.

This means Nature wants these tears to be seen by others. 

Darwin wasn’t the only one who had strong opinions about why human beings weep. Since 1,500 B.C., for centuries, people thought tears originated in the heart; the Old Testament describes tears as the consequence of the heart’s material weakening and turning into water.

Finally, in 1662, a Danish scientist named Niels Stensen uncovered the mystery of tears saying that the lacrimal gland was the proper origin point of tears. According to scientists, the possible evolutionary benefit of the fluid that springs from the eye was simply a way to keep the eyes moist.

Tears do not emerge only out of sadness. There are tears of joy too. Tears of joy happen when we’re overwhelmingly happy or moved, expressing our delight. It is the heart’s way of expressing overflowing happiness. Tears of gratitude, on the other hand, are shed to show appreciation for kindness or blessings. Both types of tears convey deep emotions, whether it’s pure joy or a heartfelt sense of thankfulness.

Can crying foster connection?

As inferred above, tears are meant to be seen by others, which means they are tools to connect with others and unburden our emotions by sharing them. Evidence supports that crying stirs up social bonding and human connection. Even though people get physically and emotionally more capable as they mature, grown-ups never escape or age out of the occasional bouts of helplessness. “Crying signals to yourself and other people that there’s some important problem that is at least temporarily beyond your ability to cope,” says Jonathan Rottenberg, an emotion researcher and professor of psychology at the University of South Florida.

Ever since we were babies, we were wired to mirror each other’s emotions. And this is a huge source of connection. Tears are an outward sign of inner pain. Why do we need an outward sign? Why does sadness make our tear ducts open? So that we can communicate, connect, and support each other. When someone talks to you about a painful situation in their life, like losing a child or the struggle with their mental health, and if you are a sensitive person, then there’s a good chance that you will cry with them. In a way, you are mirroring their nervous system. But that does not necessarily mean that you might know how to deal with it or what to tell the person in pain to help them entirely.

This is where therapy comes in. When someone is very uprooted because of a disruptive event in their life, then they must seek therapy or professional help. Because a professional, along with empathising, will create a state or an environment where they can help to regulate the nervous system of the affected person through their experience, skill, and education.

It is also worth noting that it’s not wise to cry in front of anyone and everyone as there are people who can make a mockery out of your misery, enjoy your situation while perceiving it as drama, and gossip about it later. They don’t have an ounce of compassion as to how real that pain could be for you. So, it’s important to guard yourself from such people. It’s important to discriminate between safe spaces (safe and well-meaning people, such as close family, friends, or professional healers and therapists) and unsafe ones to share your pain.

Tears are of extreme relevance to the human condition. We cry because we need other people. So Darwin was completely wrong!

rofessional healers and therapists) and unsafe ones to share your pain.

Tears are of extreme relevance to the human condition. We cry because we need other people. So Darwin was completely wrong!