Defining ourselves through loving relationships

By Jamuna Rangachari

We learn many things nowadays but often end up neglecting the most important aspect of our lives, which are relationships. Let us learn to make them more nourishing to us and the other.

We are born to lead a life with meaningful relationships so we should need to learn to nurture them at all stages of our lives. In a sense, we owe this to ourselves.

Positive Vibes

Once Lord Krishna sent Duryodhan to a nearby village for a day. When he came back, he asked him what he felt about the people there. Duryodhan said he despised them as they were so argumentative and uncouth. Krishna just smiled and asked Yudhistra to go to the same village. When he came back, he asked him the same question, to which Yudhistra said he found them very amicable and hospitable. Krishna then told everyone around him how we all need to note the difference between both of them. “Duryodhan found the people argumentative as he himself is argumentative while Yudhistra found them amicable as he himself is amicable,” he said and continued. “The world is indeed the same. It is our perception that shapes it. After all, we see the world as we ourselves are.”

This may sound simplistic but the fact is, our perceptions do indeed matter.

We need to know that everyone changes when our perception changes. Even in love, we need to work on becoming loving ourselves so that the people around us perceive us positively. We know of many people we avoid just because they keep complaining and some we seek to be with because of their positive vibes.

This is more applicable to couples. We often see couples in the most difficult circumstances holding hands and moving forward together treating it a temporary phase that brings them closer while there are some who seem to have no issues but keep whining and complaining.

 Who am I

 “Who am I” is question that we grapple with during our entire lifetime. The fact is, it is  our relationships that always define us. These are what makes us actually grow and become better  individuals or conversely, makes us bitter and negative.  

 In fact, ninety per cent of our lives are often spent in trying to figure out who was right or wrong. The fact is, in any issue, usually there is never a hundred percent right or wrong answer. All that we can do is NOT add any negative factor and forgive all the issues we perceive to be wrong. When our perceptions change, relationships change and the world itself becomes a better place to be in.

 This is equally applicable to all relationships, some more than the other all because of a power equation and a battle of egos.

 Nurturing Relationships

 The fact is, relationships get formed over the years. Whatever we may do, we should never neglect the important aspect of nurturing our personal relationships.

 Very often, we do try to put on our best behaviour to others but when it comes to our near and dear ones, we just do not bother. Here again, our ‘ego’ wishes to portray something that is not real. If earlier, it was just lying about our so called status, now the new lie is social media. Whatever the issues, we brush them under the carpet and wish to show everyone about a picture perfect life.

 There may be pictures on social media of our events portraying as if everything is wonderful. The ground reality however is completely to the contrary, which is one of the reasons that there is tremendous stress in most marital relationships. IIn fact, after the advent of social media in the world, there seems to be a different kind of yardstick to tell the world we are better than others.

 The only way we could perhaps make our relationship work is we put time and effort in simply being there for each other, all the time. A simple cup of tea shared with loved ones by just listening to the events of each day does indeed make a huge difference to our relationships and consequently our lives.


Defining ourselves

 Essentially, we need to know we are who we are because of our relationships. No matter how wealthy we may be, if we do not have people who love us, it is indeed a very sad place to be in. It would help if we all invested time, money and effort in nurturing loving relationships so that ‘our’ world and consequently ‘the’ world becomes a better place to live in.  For a while, let us forget wealth, GST rates, social media pictures and give more attention to the world we inhabit with our loved ones to make sure the love in our lives keeps increasing, if possible exponentially.


About The Author

I am an author, mother and a person who loves to meet and interact with like minded people, essentially people who aim to seek wisdom and truth.

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