Die to the past
January 2023
Dr. Bijal Maroo would like us to start Year 2023 with a promise to ourselves to not delve into the past but live life fully in the moment
The words “die to the past” are indelibly
etched in my memory. They were written by the famous author Eckhart Tolle in his best-selling book The Power of Now. To be intensely alive in the present moment, we must rid ourselves of the past.
We are all familiar with the tales of King Vikramaditya and Betaal. Why was the vampire given this particular name ‘Betaal’? Well, my interpretation is that it meant ‘be
taal,’ meaning ‘one who is out of sync or out of step.’ ‘Taal,’ as we all know, is the metric cycle of rhythm in music. Taal breathes life into the music. Hence, ‘Be-taal’ is the one without life, the corpse.
We are just like Betaal when we lose touch with the present moment and slip into the past. We are no longer alive because the past is no longer alive. We do not realise how often we die in this manner.
In Betaal Pachisi, Vikram was also tempted into commenting on an incident that was done and dusted in an era of yore. He was compelled to use his intellect to stand in judgment and justify what he stood for. All this made him lose consciousness and the past (Betaal) ran away with his lifeblood. Vikram kept chasing it instead of staying in the present moment. He did this foolishly, twenty-five times over. Lifeblood in this context means the awareness of the present moment.
What was the threat that Betaal used to coerce Vikram into answering? “If you don’t answer, your head will roll away from your body.” The head represents the intellect. It is your very identity and, hence, your ego. When truly conscious, one no longer takes sides, nor does one lose the present moment. Hence, the ego or the head is bound to roll away. Ego and intellect belong to this world of illusions. Why, then, are we always so married to our past? Why can’t we divorce it and move on with our lives? This is because it comprises two types of thoughts:
• Pleasant memories—of happy times, of fun with family and friends.
• Unpleasant memories—things or events that did not happen as per our wishes.
Why do we revisit the past so often? We sit on the threshold of time with our backs to the present and continue to stare at the past. We do this because we are dissatisfied with the present moment. We resist it and are unable to surrender to what is. It’s the emotional charge of the past that makes breaking free such an arduous task.
When we are dissatisfied with our current lives, we seek to dive into a sea of pleasant memories. We feel a sense of poverty as compared to the better and more fulfilling past. We yearn for what we have lost.
However, when we delve into the past unpleasant conditions, we judge who was wrong and how we were served an injustice. Our ego makes us victims, and we take on this role willingly. We wish to turn back the clock as we desperately want to paint the past with different colours, with colours of our victory. We want to triumph over those who hurt us and over situations which turned against us and thus avenge ourselves. We live in the hope of better times and resist what we believe is a life we do not deserve.
Seneca, the Stoic philosopher, writes, “We suffer more in imagination than in reality.”
The actual incident occurs but once. Yet we die a million deaths, each time we relive the incident in our minds.
Besides dwelling in the past through our thoughts, we also act in default mode, living life mainly by force of habit. However, that need not be the case. Just as we have a totally new body every seven years, we can have a totally different mind, personality, and way of thinking, whenever we choose to.
So, how do we break off ties with the past?
1. Being unpredictable
Deep Trivedi, the author of the book I am the Mind, says that it is wise to be unpredictable, else people can take advantage of us. When we are predictable, they can confine us to a box with predefined labels. For example, if someone knows my temperament, they know exactly how I will behave in a given situation. Thus, they can plan their moves carefully and negotiate any contract to their advantage.
One way to do this is to try new things daily. We can break away from our routine every so often. It does not have to be very drastic; some small changes will do. We can change the daily breakfast menu or change the time we have it. We can take a different route to and from work. We can swap the time of our meditation or prayers and exercise. What if we let soft music play in the background or listen to an audiobook instead of playing the same rock, pop, or heavy metal while we exercise? We can even read a book by a new author or read a different genre of books, instead of picking up the newspaper, first thing in the morning.
The mind always clings to the familiar. It finds the unknown dangerous because it has no control over it. When we step beyond autopilot
mode, we finally start living in conscious mode. We go beyond the mind.
2. Meditation
It is only when we knock on the doors of consciousness during meditation that we realise how often we slip into unconsciousness. It helps us know the myriad ways in which the ego holds us captive. Hence, the practice of meditation holds the key to breaking away from the past, to breaking free from the vicious grip of the ego.
Meditation holds the key to becoming more present
3. Overcoming the emotional charge of past events.
A. Reminiscing pleasant memories: Well, we can try and be grateful for the good life we enjoyed in the past. Gratitude helps attract more of the same in our life. Then, we are busy creating more beautiful memories in the present moment rather than trying to cling to a beautiful but now dead past. Very often, we continue to take pride in our past laurels. By doing this, we stagnate and fail to learn new things and achieve more in life. Being grateful for our past successes helps us move on and achieve greater heights.
B. Replaying old, unpleasant memories: Forgiveness is the key here. We can forgive and learn to delete these from our memory. It is important, however, to take note of the insights and the lessons that these experiences offered. Thus, we unshackle ourselves and can perceive greener pastures, which were earlier obliterated by our myopic past.
Here, I cite some practical ways to overcome regret, guilt, resentment, anger, and other negative feelings of the past. We can use these three techniques to forgive ourselves and others:
I] The Sedona Method: This technique consists of a series of questions to ask ourselves. They lead our awareness to what we are feeling in the moment and gently guide us into the experience of letting go.
Exercise:
• First, we focus on an issue that we would like to feel better about. Then, we allow ourselves to feel whatever we are feeling
in this moment—all the anger, rage, frustration, resentment, and guilt.
• Then we ask the following question: “Could I let this feeling go?” If the answer is “Yes,”
• Then we ask, “When?” This is an invitation to just let it go NOW.If the answer is “Yes,” • We just visualise all the negative emotions leaving us, in the form of a black cloud. • We repeat these steps till we feel light and free.
II] Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT): This technique consists of tapping on nine points which are considered to be energy meridians as per Chinese acupuncture.
The points are as follows:
• karate chop (KC)
• eyebrow (EB)
• side of the eye (SE)
• under the eye (UE)
• under the nose (UN
• chin cleft (Ch)
• beginning of the collarbone (CB) • under the arm (UA)
• top of the head (TH)
The steps are as follows:
Identify the issue that is causing emotional distress.
Test the initial intensity. You need to set a benchmark level of intensity. The intensity level is rated on a scale of 0 to 10, with 10 being the worst or most difficult.
The setup. Prior to tapping, you need to establish a phrase that explains what you’re trying to address. It must focus on two main goals:
- acknowledging the issues
- accepting yourself despite the problem presents
The common setup phrase is “Even though I have this (situation or problem), I deeply and completely love and accept myself.” Begin by tapping the karate chop point while simultaneously reciting your setup phrase three times.
Next, while saying this phrase “The anger/ hurt/ fear that I feel about the situation/problem,” tap on each of the following points a few times, moving down the body in this order: EB, SE, UE, UN, Ch, CB, UA, and lastly on TH, without tapping on the KC again.
5. Measure the intensity of your feelings and continue steps 3–4 till the intensity is down to 1 or 2.
III] Ho’oponopono: This technique consists of accepting full responsibility for all the things that disturb us or make us distraught. We ask the Universe to help us forgive ourselves and all other people and situations which might have caused this disagreeable life condition. Later, we thank the Universe for coming to our aid and send out love into the Universe.
This entire exercise is done through four phrases: • I am sorry
• Please forgive me
• Thank You
• I love you
Dr Bijal Maroo
Send out good vibrations into the universe
We can say them in any sequence and chant them like a mantra repeatedly. This helps to clear up the negativity that we feel about a particular situation.
The famous singer Lionel Richie hit the nail on the head when he said, “When your past calls, don’t answer. It has nothing new to say.” I wish we can ring in the New Year that is truly new with no burden of ghosts from the past.
An Arts based Therapy practitioner, Dr Bijal Maroo is a homeopath
ic consultant, counselling and health psychologist since 20 years. She
reflects on life through her gifts as a writer, poet and singer. Contact
drbijjalmaru@rediffmail.com or visit www.drbijalmaroo.com
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