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Do not displace

Megha Bajaj explains how displacing emotions is harmful to you as well as your relationships and suggests ways to tackle this

There is this strange thing that many of us do in relationships. Something, that if we didn’t do, I believe we would have much better relationships. We displace our emotions from one relationship to other relationships. Sounds familiar?

Let’s assume you have a husband who is very dominating. It’s his way or the highway, and you really don’t have much of a choice but to follow him. You have tried speaking to him, you have wept, you have done everything you could but to no avail. Ultimately, you resign to your fate and start finding ways of dealing with the issues within, without really letting it out.

Yet, the nature of emotions is such that they are never buried dead—they are buried alive. You can suppress them but not for long. The pain shows up in your body through aches and pains or diseases, and also through other relationships in your life—where you feel that the person won’t leave you; or, sometimes, with support staff like house helps or drivers, where you start behaving like the oppressor in your life. It is nothing but an attempt to displace your emotion towards this person, to somehow deal with the pain. It could be children, it could be your own parents—anyone. Somehow the emotions from one relationship are displaced to another, and the people that are subject to it, have no clue as to why you are behaving the way you do.

In no way does displacing provide a permanent solution because somewhere you know that you are not doing the right thing and there is a sense of guilt, a sense of not feeling good enough about yourself that hinders life from flowing the way it should.

Can you relate to this? Think of some of your relationships that aren’t as beautiful as you want them to be. The negative emotions that you go through in this relationship; how do you deal with them? What do you do to ease things off?  Following are some of the positive ways of dealing with the emotions of a dysfunctional relationship:

Consistent communication: Although most of us may be communicating how we are feeling with the person concerned, we probably don’t do it consistently enough. We express, then let go, believing he or she won’t understand. Yet, the secret to good relationships is consistent communication. Also, what helps is that instead of blaming and saying “You are so and so,” say “I feel this and this.” When you express what you are feeling instead of blaming, the other is a little more open to listening.

Nature: Nature absorbs negative emotions like nothing else. Ensuring a long walk in the garden or near the sea or mountains as part of your daily routine is bound to help you to keep clearing your heart and mind of residual emotions and not allowing them to form a chain and hurt many more in the bargain.

Writing: There is something incredibly healing about the writing process. Writing helps you to understand all that you are feeling. In a way, it is your innermost core on paper and allows you to release and vent emotions that may be burdening your within for God alone knows how long. Writing letters to people who hurt you (whether you let them read them or not) helps you to deal with the emotions of the relationship, within the relationship.