By Suzy Singh
We can only become integrated beings when we accept all parts of ourselves, including those that we are ashamed or afraid of, says Suzy Singh
We all tend to separate the best in us from the rest in us. What’s good in us is favored and nourished, while what’s unacceptable is banished without a thought into the shadows, often projected onto the world as things we dislike, judge or label as bad, vociferously pronouncing ‘that’s just not me’, or ‘ I would never do such a thing’. However, this split stifles our creativity, creating self-imposed limitations that make us feel that we are not fulfilling our potential.
The emptiness or void that this creates then seeks to fill itself with other things and other people so we can, at least momentarily, feel good about ourselves. This is what causes us to mindlessly engage in texting, gossiping, television watching, drinking, smoking, jumping from one relationship to another, and constantly escaping. But the only way to truly fill this void, to become whole, is by marrying both the cherished and the banished aspects of ourselves. How can one do this?
Well, let’s say you have a great drive and ambition to succeed. Now, this self-drive is obviously a virtue you are quite happy to own because it reflects a desire to improve your current state. Others not only approve of this virtue, they probably even envy it. But what you may be unconsciously denying, is that there is a parallel presence of greed, an insatiable hunger to make quick money, or to have more worldly possessions.
Marrying these two, the best and the denied rest, involves at first, recognition of the fact that both these opposites, the good, and the not-so-good feelings, exist in you. This is the most challenging aspect. A deep desire to know the truth about your true self and the underlying motivations for why you do what you do, coupled with the practice of regular reflection and self-awareness, may be sufficient to bring out the dark disowned aspect from hiding.
Once you identify that there exists some dark, negative feeling in you, like for example, greed, you need to practice acknowledging it without any judgment or reaction. Next, using self-talk and the wisdom mind, you can talk to both parts, acknowledging how their presence is useful because they serve you in some way, even though you may not be fully aware of how. Simply acknowledging and honoring the negative feeling enrolls its participation, and makes it more willing to listen to your suggestions.
Now begin the negotiations. Through self-talk, greed is told that it is a valuable contributor in fuelling your ambition, making you work harder and perhaps even smarter, but for greed to be meaningful, it must comply with the terms and conditions you set for it. Yes, you love making money, buying good things, traveling, and affording luxuries, but you also consciously choose not to cheat others or employ illegal means to get rich. This softens greed, making it more compliant and inclusive.
Self-drive is happy to get a working partner who can step up its productivity and net worth, making its efforts more valuable in monetary terms.
As a result of this dialogue with both your parts, you not only en-lighten and inform greed about your conscious choices, you also establish an ongoing partnership between one of the best in you (self-drive) and a previously disowned, rest in you (greed).
Together, they make your vocational efforts more rewarding because the energy utilized in hiding greed and denying it, now becomes available to you and you can channelize that in finding creative ways of stepping up your productivity. By marrying your bittersweet parts, you become more whole than you were before, increasing your capacity to feel more enthusiastic about your work, and you also end up having more energy to engage and participate in activities that you didn’t even think was possible before.
Suzi Singh is a transpersonal therapist, karma coach, and energy healer with extensive clinical experience in multidisciplinary approaches to vibrational and spiritual healing. Her practice is based out of Delhi.
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