October 2024
SPIRIT
Through a journey panning decades, Suma Varughese is moving from resistance to acceptance
When I first decided to decondition myself, I felt myself extremely distant from the Now. So caught up was I in the swirling currents of the mind that I constantly experienced the sensation of being spun around by the feelings and thoughts that dominated me, and the idea of being in the present moment was a distant prospect. What this meant in actual terms is that it would take me days to get over a disagreement, a careless remark by someone, or a reprimand by someone in authority.
As the deconditioning began to pick up pace, the mind began to reduce its pace, and the gap between where I was and the present moment began to shrink. Over, not merely years but decades, I approached closer and closer towards the moment.
At the same time, I was still completely dominated by the mindstuff. I was unable to wriggle out from it, and it determined my actions and reactions. This caused me to be impulsive very often. I would act almost instantaneously on receiving a signal from the mind about watching a movie or calling up a friend, often overturning the planned activities of the day. Freedom appeared Utopian.
And then as the mind continued to decrease its momentum and slowed down, the Higher Self began to surface. Hitherto completely silent and almost impotent in my life, I slowly found it gaining ascendency over my thoughts and feelings. It was as if it was this vast presence could allow all the thoughts, feelings and physical sensations to be, for it was so much bigger than them.
These are early days, but for one so identified with the mind all these years, it is wonderful to feel that my feelings and thoughts can exist exactly as they are, but now cradled in a peace that contains them, and gradually allows them to dissipate. When caught in really fraught situations, the mind still has the upper hand, but when life is relatively tranquil, the mind is slow enough for the Higher Self to soothe and pacify it. The resistance that has so far characterised my journey, then gives way to acceptance.
Acceptance is the capacity to be larger than the mindstuff and therefore to accommodate it fully. It is expansive enough to contain every form of resistance. I would define resistance as an inability to accept what-is. This can mean judgements on people, weather, politics, the railway system, the government. We are forever sitting in judgement against the
way others are, the way they look or behave, or the way they do things. Resistance covers the whole gamut of negative feelings. Let us begin with anger and all its manifestations – resentment, irritation, frustration (strong resistance to what-is) envy (resistance to what others have that I don’t), hate (resistance to what others have done or said to you), guilt (resistance to what you did in the past) shame (resistance to what you did or said in the past, or even your habitual way of being in the present), and fear (deep resistance to what will be).
When resistance ebbs away in the healing presence of acceptance, wonderful things happen. Resistance has a way of filling up the whole mind, blotting everything else out. However, when acceptance dawns, the shutters come down and we can actually see the vista head instead of only a dead wall. It is then that we are freed to do what we can about the situation, and resolve it. Acceptance brings peace, instead of the buzz of negativity generated by resistance. Acceptance makes us a victor, while resistance compels us to be victims. Resistance is unconscious. Acceptance is conscious. Acceptance aligns us to life. Resistance alienates us from it.
Suma Varughese is a teacher of words and wisdom. She broadcasts spiritual truths and a love for writing in her various capacities as columnist, writer, writing coach, and the founder-facilitator of the popular Zen of Good Writing Course. She is the former editor of Life Positive and Society magazines. She has authored Travelling Light, Travelling Lighter, and 50 Life Lessons. She can be contacted at sumavarughese@gmail.com
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