Megha Bajaj shares her thoughts on what makes relationships work
So many people struggle with relationships. If there is one thing that drains more vital energy than anything else, to me, it seems to be relationships. I have a few very intimate and deep relationships and, progressively, they are becoming more peaceful and beautiful. I am wondering what I am getting right, so that I can demystify at least some aspects and, hopefully, make this journey a little easier for anyone reading this, than it has been for me.
Here are a few learnings:
• Everybody has certain likes and dislikes which are true for the person holding it. To me, purple is the best, and nothing is better than purple. For him, it is white. There is no reason why we develop certain inclinations or repulsions—but we do. I have realised that too many of us waste too much time arguing over our likes or dislikes. Either we want the other to change over to our preferences, or at least approve of them. If only we could understand that we are meant to be different! In enjoying each other’s uniqueness, we find not only peace but a liberation to have our likes and dislikes without explaining or expecting.
• Love is a very potent emotion, and in its purest and deepest form, it provides the fabric for differences, healthy arguments, and the individuality of both people concerned. When a relationship has deep love, a lot of petty things can be overlooked. When it is not rooted in love, even the smallest of contention becomes a reason to break up or move away. Deep love is built with an investment of time, energy, conversation—and silence. Only with experience does such love develop. Imagine feeling the security within a relationship to make mistakes. To be yourself. To say sorry. To laugh. To cry. It’s possible when love runs deep.
• Leave small things small. Connect to the best of memories, traits, and feelings. Life, with all its vagaries, will throw up several situations. Some phenomenal, some questionable, some downright nightmarish. In a relationship between two people, there will never only be two people. The worlds of those two too will intermingle. Some unrequired intrusion, some unnecessary comment, or an unintentional betrayal will be a part of every close relationship.
If we learn to drop petty things and just hold the depth—the reasons why we came together—we can ride past the differences. The bed of the sea is strong. Deep. Untouched. Stable. The waves are on the surface. Keeping small things small helps make the relationship grow into a source of strength and inspiration.
• I have observed that the relationships in my life that serve a higher purpose have the elasticity to survive the challenges brought in by time, space, and people. The higher purpose could be anything—from co-creating a child, to a business; from living a spiritual vision, to wanting to become a role model relationship. The moment the relationship is not defined by the narrow walls of I, me, and mine but serves a higher purpose, it becomes powerful. It gains energy. And Grace.
I have started finding a higher purpose to every relationship, and I find the connect deeper, more meaningful.
Relationships can liberate you or make you feel very suffocated. They can bring you closer to you and your divine or completely move you away.
How you see your relationships and what you do with them will define which end of the spectrum you find yourself in. Feel blessed to constantly learn and grow, and unravel the beauty that relationships have to offer—one day at a time.
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