From anger to assertiveness
From Anger to Assertiveness
In the process of renovating her shop and getting things moving in a new direction, Vanisha Uppal confronts her anger issues and firmly applies herself to resolving it definitively
It is an assigned job of the mind to think, like any other function of our body. As we slow down, our attention goes to thoughts.
What comes to the surface is inner guilt, sadness and anger. Yes, mostly negative emotions at first.
When I took responsibility of our family business – comprising a stationery and book shop – It was in a bad shape, and bad working condition, with mismanaged stock, and no bank balance in the shop’s account. Salesmen and employees had taken control of the shop after papa’s death. If I asked for any details from employees, they replied rudely. To improve even a small thing, I had to indulge in heated arguments. In hyperventilating, I lost control over the situation.Vanisha wanted to modernise her shop and bring new changes in it, which was met with resistance from her employees My mother suggested, “Just be there at the shop peacefully. Let the things remain as they are.”
I thought, “Fine, why should I lose my peace of mind if nobody is interested in improving anything.”
But it was not my nature. Salesmen continued taking big orders from our shop by pleasing shop employees. I felt something was wrong. It was too difficult to hold back my anger. So, I reacted, sometimes over-reacted. As a result, all the salesmen and employees went against me, and complained to my mother, “Why to change things now?”.
I decided to take care of one thing at a time, and focus on renovating the shop. It took me many months to convince my mother. Then I took a loan from a friend, hired an architect
friend and, after much resistance, was able to give the shop the much-needed makeover. Now everyone was enjoying working in a comfortable, well-organised, beautifully designed shop.
The next challenge I undertook was to clear out the old stock. With a strategic marketing plan, I successfully liquidated merchandise that had been in inventory for 10 years.
I got encouraged and suggested to my mother and employees, “Let us focus on those items which are easy to manage and are more profitable. We have to make space for them and remove the less profitable items.”
But no one wanted any more changes. I also got rigid and stopped coming to the shop. Now everyone was happy to get rid of me. But I had already put a lot of energy into the shop. I
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missed working at it. I realised that I needed the shop more than the shop needed me. But it was difficult to let go of my ego.
I did not go to the shop for two years. I was struggling inside. Meanwhile, I observed the world around me – how the other shop owners deal with their employees and salesmen. Often they dominated, criticised, and used harsh language to control their workers. I thought if men had to behave like this to get the work done, how am I supposed to do it being a lady? Then I saw the owner’s faces. They looked stressed all the time.
I didn’t want this to happen to me. There must be a better way to get the job done. Suddenly, one day after a meditation practice, something changed within me. I accepted, “Okay, anger is there in me. And my attitude makes my life difficult.”
I remained in that state of mind for many days, tolerating myself, being in it and slowly doing all the work. It was not easy, more like killing myself, but one day suddenly I felt light and happy out of nothing. I realised that my whole life I had been trying hard to change myself. Yet, this effort only served to intensify my inner turmoil.
I was torn between feeling angry, the guilt over losing my temper as well as the feeling that I shouldn’t get angry. At least now, I was dealing with one conflict at a time. Guess what? It was easier than I expected.
A few days later, I went to buy a chair. The owner of the shop was an old man and he said, “My son does not want to work with me in my shop. He says that he will only join me if I let him improve this it and make it like other modern shops. He calls my shop a junk yard. But I prefer to work like this only. I feel more comfortable and approachable to common people”.
At that moment, I understood his and my mother’s point of view. I immediately called up my mother and said, “I am coming to the shop tomorrow.”
She replied, “You are most welcome.”
My Master also suggested to me to go through every detail of the shop very slowly. I did the same, and discovered many new things while going through each purchase voucher very slowly – what to buy and from where, which is the best deal, what to stock and when etc. After six months, the knowledge gave me clarity and it became easy for me to explain to my mother and our employees. I don’t know how to my anger turned into firmness and clarity without losing my inner peace.
Mother said, “These details have been overlooked for many years. I am happy you are here, employees and salesmen stay in discipline and respect you. The shop is making a profit.”
Vanisha Uppal has been a disciple of Kriya Yoga Master Per H Wibe, for the last four years. She organises retreats for him in Ramgarh, Delhi and Goa.