By Suma Varughese
An insight affords Suma Varughese the capacity to fuse together the dualities of life and restore them to oneness
|Suma Varughese is a thinker, writer, seeker, latent |
crusader and Editor-in-Chief of Life Positive.
Write to her at email@example.com
The power of intention is indeed admirable. I had been noticing lately that despite all the progress I had made, I still did not have the will to resist eating the food that upset my stomach. It troubled me that I was coming in the way of my health, and so when I was going to a one-day workshop for Journey graduates (those who had done Brandon Bays’ Journey workshop), I determined to discover and root out my inner saboteur.
When the facilitator, Rangana Rupavi Choudhuri, told us to ask our souls what we wanted from the workshop, I could discern a deep yearning for integration, for all parts of me to flow in the same direction instead of one part being at war with another.
There were some powerful processes which I truly enjoyed, but at the end of the last one, when tea was announced, off I sashayed and had three chocolate biscuits!
Back in the room for the closing session, I was chagrined to discover that the inner saboteur had done it again. But I recalled a line Rangana had used while putting us through a meditation. She had said: “…and the noises you hear and the sound of my voice are all causing you to go even deeper…” In short, what would have been distractions were wired to be instruments of deepening the meditation.
I decided to try it with the chocolate incident and told myself that eating those chocolate biscuits were causing me to go even deeper into committing myself to my health! A thrilling moment! I felt like Archimedes, though I restrained myself from shouting Eureka. Finally after all these many years I had reached the point where I could make what worked against me to work for me instead. I was becoming an alchemist with the power to convert all negativities into positivities.
Breathlessly, I tried out other combinations. My thoughts were actually causing me to become thoughtless, hence why resist them? And resistance was causing me to move into resistancelessness, therefore they did not need to be resisted either!
|I was becoming an alchemist with the power to convert all negativities into positivities|
Sadness was leading me to happiness hence one could embrace sadness, badness was leading to goodness so one could embrace badness. Illness was leading to wellness hence they were okay to have; and inertia was leading to action. Best of all, I could see that there never was an inner saboteur, but only someone who loved me because she was causing me to commit deeper to my health. I loved myself, after all and had always done so!
Before my very eyes the dualities were fusing and becoming one. I realised then that these things were always one and it is our ego’s tendency to crave one and reject the other that divides them. Therefore the way to get back to their original unity is to reverse the equation. Embrace the negative and repudiate the positive!
I was reminded of an insight that I had been afforded a few years ago by a Krishnamurti follower and spiritual teacher, Rajesh Dalal. I had told him that I had reached a stage where I knew there was nowhere to go, but I was still not in the present because of my thoughts. Mr Dalal told me that if I would give up my goal to get to the present, I would have no problem with my thoughts. And sure enough I landed right in the present with my thoughts the moment I gave up the need to give up thoughts!
The same experience is repeating again but this time, in a much more powerful way. I can feel myself relaxing as I let go of not wanting to be angry, not wanting to resist, not wanting good health, not wanting to be in the present, not wanting to be happy and so on. Each time I say this, I am okay with anger, resistance, or ill-health, and peace once again descends.
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