Getting along
August 2009
Is the other “hell” (as sartre remarked) or heaven? readers share their relationship secrets
For me ‘the other’ is not very far from me. I see some part of me in most of the people around me. I never try to fix anybody and never have fixed notions about people depending on past events. My trump card is that I make it a point to listen. Honesty is still the best policy for me. If someone makes me uncomfortable then it opens new learning grounds for me. I need to repair something within, to include this person and that takes me to the next step.
Nandita Chakraborty, Gurgaon
To have a harmonious relationship with family members, friends and colleagues is a nice feeling. Sharing and caring are the two mantras which help me to foster this. Creating a ‘sense of belongingness’ amongst all increases the level of the relationship. I also believe in the credos: ‘be good, do good’ and ‘give happiness, take happiness’ to create harmonious relationships. Preaching and practising ‘unconditional love’ helps me further to bond.
S K RAY, Satna, Madhya Pradesh
People present themselves in a variety of colours including shades of grey. To care for ourselves and others, we must accept the full range of colours and resist the temptation to approve only of white, red and orange, the brilliant colours. Also, the following lines I read help keep me grounded. “Two thoughts decide our attitude in life–
• What we think of ourselves when we have nothing,
• What we think of others when we have everything!!!”
Vishakha Shroff, New Delhi
People come in all shapes and sizes, and everyone is unique. I think having the basic idea that people are different helps me agree to disagree. When someone says something I do not agree with, I make my peace with that. You can’t expect to be unique, you can’t expect diversity, and at the same time expect everyone to see things your way. This is the nature of life. Sangeeta Krishnan, MUMBAI I relate harmoniously with everybody else by consciously developing a feeling of oneness. I try and maintain an attitude of positivity, love and affection for all people in my day-to-day interactions; irrespective of their caste or social position, etc. It gives me back a lot of love and respect from all and thus, an appreciation of peace, serenity and oneness with God. It’s also my way of thanking God for all that He has given me.
Dr Arati Rupauliha, Kolkata
To quote Meryl Runion, a communications expert I find closest to my way of relating with people: ‘Say what you mean and mean what you say without being mean.’ Secondly, whenever I find a relationship getting disharmonious, I put myself in the other person’s shoes and try to see the situation from their point of view. It opens up a whole new perspective and helps me to relate better with others. Finally, I tend to shy away from unpleasant confrontations, and that sometimes creates misunderstandings. So I have found a way out – email! Writing down what I want to convey (keeping point number 1 in mind) has helped me tremendously in keeping my relationships happy.
Anjali Mathur, Mumbai