By Megha Bajaj
Megha Bajaj realizes that the most beautiful aspects of her life were given to her, unasked and unsought
There is something about the twilight skies that stirs my soul. Thoughts flow, feelings are evoked, and some of the deepest insights unfold. Today was certainly no exception. It had not been a particularly good day. I had had an unnecessary emotional outburst, and was feeling quite drained. As I sipped at my masala chai and stared into the horizon, feeling rather sorry for myself, a thought popped, “If I was not feeling low right now – and could choose what I could feel, what would it be?”
The question, by its very nature, must find an answer. And from within, the little voice said, “Gratitude.” The shift was striking. Not a slow dissolving of one emotion into another, but rather like a lightning bolt, that brightens everything up in just a second. Everything shifted.
I began to ask myself what some of the most beautiful aspects of my life were. What was I so immensely, incredibly, grateful for? A small list began to form itself. My guru… my parents… my sister… my husband… my in laws… my holistic growth centre… my ability to express through words. And then I closed my eyes. Tears began to flow.
I realised that I actually had nothing to do with all the things I was most grateful for, being in my life. My parents were chosen for me, as was my sister. Strange circumstances led me to meet my husband – circumstances which were way beyond my control or something that my thinking mind could orchestrate. The family I married into came as a gift along with the marriage – again not something I could have chosen.
My holistic growth centre is yet another beautiful story. It was an idea that emerged in the shower, and by chance that same day I went to meet my hospitalised granddad and happened to meet my uncle, who asked me about my dreams. Usually, I meet my uncle only in family gatherings and while we both were always fond of each other, we had never really spoken. Something made me share about the centre and something made him say, come meet me tomorrow and let’s discuss this further. The rest, as always, is history. In two years we already have three branches, and are planning to start three more.
The ability to write… I was never one of those gifted children who wrote effortlessly or who were read to from childhood. Rather it was a struggle for me to learn English itself as I came from a home where everyone only spoke in Hindi or our native tongue – Marwari. I clearly remember being pulled up by my English teacher in Grade 6 and being scolded for being so inert in her classes, and she also predicted that I would never learn English. I have just completed my third book, and a series of English text books for schools.
The point of sharing all these personal details is not to impress you with my greatness, or with what I have achieved. On the contrary, it is to impress upon you that in each of these happenings, I had no role to play. The centre happened because of synchronicity of events. My writing, well, it just happened as I started to realise I had a lot to say, and I could say it through words. Clichéd as it sounds, I have been a mere instrument. All I did right was that I flowed with life, and didn’t interfere too much with things happening for me.
For all that I complain, and I complain a lot – today I realised – some of the best things of my life happened without my even asking for it. All I am feeling right now is humbled. Deeply humbled.
Quote: I realised that I had nothing to do with all the things I was most grateful for, being in my life
About the Author: Megha is, above all, a seeker. These days she is attempting to find herself in the role of a teacher through the online writing course designed by her. You can know more about her on www.wonderofwords.org
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