Helping the helpers
August 2016
By Abhishek Thakore
There is only one way to support helpers, notes Abhishek Thakore
Ranjit was depressed. I heard this from a common friend (let’s call him Manjit).
Manjit: Yaar, Ranjit is super depressed! He just got dumped by a woman one more time. Nothing is working – no Reiki-sheiki. HSPs like him should stay away from love affairs altogether, I say.
Me: Hang on, what is this HSP? Manjit: Highly Sensitive Person, yaar….don’t tell me you don’t know this. I thought you were an HSP all along!
Me: Ah…I am I am….just out of the closet. So what do we do?
Manjit: No clue, yaar…. Me: Can’t he see some counsellor or something?
Manjit: He’s refusing to go to any coach or counsellor. Most of them are former participants of his “How to be Happy Forever” workshop! He spoke to most of them recently to sell Level 2 of that same workshop.
Me: Oops! And what about all the crystals lying in his home? Didn’t they help or heal him?
Manjit: It seems they work only when times are good. At such times they bring lots of luck and joy. When things turn difficult, they lose their power.
Me: That sounds a little dubious…. Manjit: On further probing, he finally confessed that even he wasn’t sure whether crystals work. But they look good.
Me: So all his malas and beads were part of his designer wardrobe, after all.
Manjit: Maybe. But this is a total spiritual crisis, and he is refusing to talk! Shouldn’t we as his friends, fellow-travellers and co-gossipers help him?
Me: Ah! I think I have an idea…. I hung up and tried calling Ranjit. He cut the phone. So I sent him a message. “Need help – facing some challenge.” He replied, “I will call back in 5.” On the dot, five minutes later, my phone was ringing. It was Ranjit.
Me: Hey! I Needed some help – so thought I’ll call you. Ranjit: What happened, bro? All okay? Me: No….I’m facing some challenges on the relationship front actually…..thought I’d sound it out to you for some perspective. Ranjit: Oh sure….go ahead….
Me: (making it up as I spoke) So this is an internal dilemma….blah blah blah….blah blah blah….self-love …blah blah….freedom and boundaries….blah blah….
Ranjit: So what you’re essentially saying is (summarises it back in T Group + Non Violent Communication language)…and you are left feeling…..while your deepest need is……
Me: Yes, yes! Could you coach me a bit on this? Ranjit: See, relationships are a very challenging domain, very slippery… Me: Hmmm…. Ranjit: The essence of relationships as I see it is……blah blah……do you see that? This transitions into a ‘classic coaching’ session – questions, silence, metaphors, reflecting and so on.
Me: Ah! This helps….I’m feeling much clearer about this issue. Ranjit: Glad to hear that, brother. Happy that I could help. Me: Yes! Thank you so much. So, how have you been? Ranjit: Ah! I’ve been down and out but somehow, I am feeling much better now… in the moment. I wonder why. Me: Glad to hear that, brother. Catch you soon! I disconnected the phone and said to myself, ‘Happy that I could help’.
About the author : Abhishek Thakore is a stand-up philosopher, full-time lover of life, and the founder of The Blue Ribbon Movement.